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Category: health and wellness

  • Autistic Overwhelm After a Stressful Day: It’s Not About the Cheeseburger

    Autistic Overwhelm After a Stressful Day: It’s Not About the Cheeseburger

    I wasn’t the best version of myself yesterday, and I’m having trouble letting myself off the hook for it.

    In the span of about 45 minutes, I lost my temper and spoke harshly to two separate service workers, and I’m deeply ashamed of my behaviour. I pride myself on treating people the way I want to be treated, with kindness, grace, empathy. I’ve spent most of my life trying very hard to be a good person.

    Yet in those moments, it was like I was outside myself looking in.

    I could feel my cheeks flushing, everything getting hot, my heart rate ramping up. My breathing changed. My thoughts…well, “racing” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I couldn’t hold onto them long enough to put two together coherently. Speaking in full sentences suddenly became difficult.

    And here’s the kicker: I lost it over such small, innocent things. Things that most people, and honestly even me on a good day, wouldn’t stress over at all.

    But in those moments, all my brain could perceive was:

    “Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!”

    I was ashamed immediately afterward. I apologized. More than once. Because neither person deserved that.

    But I still can’t let it go.

    And what I’m beginning to realize is this wasn’t really about McDonald’s or Walmart. This is part of a pattern that stretches throughout my entire life, one that has profoundly affected my mental health, my relationships, and the way I move through the world.

    Let me explain.

    Already Running on Empty

    Yesterday had already been a lot before the cheeseburger meal incident even happened.

    I was stressed about money because my car has been making a weird noise and I’m trying to figure out how to cover everything until child support and my next paycheck arrives. Kiddo has been dealing with some ongoing health issues that have been scary, complicated, and exhausting to navigate, and the doctor’s appointment we had just come from required me to do most of the heavy lifting and advocating yet again.

    If you’re a parent of a medically complex or neurodivergent kid, you know the drill. You walk in hoping someone will connect the dots, listen carefully, maybe even take some initiative…and instead you leave feeling like you just performed a one-woman TED Talk while simultaneously trying to remember symptoms, timelines, medications, and not sound “too emotional” while doing it.

    At the same time, Dad has been very ill for a long time now, and when he has a few bad days in a row, it can feel catastrophic. Mom is exhausted and emotional. I still had work waiting for me at home. The grass needed cutting. My brain already felt like a browser with 47 tabs open and one of them blasting music I couldn’t find.

    I’m also starting to realize just how much chronic stress and possible autistic burnout lower my ability to cope with even minor disruptions.

    The Cheeseburger Meal

    So we stopped at McDonald’s.

    Now, for context, kiddo is autistic and likes sameness. Predictability matters. We’ve been ordering the exact same meal for probably a decade. Literally.

    Extra Value Double Cheeseburger Meal.
    No onions.
    No pickles.
    Coke.
    Substitute poutine.

    Same order. Same McDonald’s half the time. Often the same employee.

    So when the employee suddenly asked, “Did you mean the McDouble?” my brain completely short-circuited.

    I said no, the Extra Value Meal, and she said she just wanted to make sure I got the right thing. Which was kind and reasonable. But suddenly I felt confused and flustered and overwhelmed all at once.

    Because a few years ago, at another McDonald’s, I had gotten into a weird argument where an employee insisted they didn’t have Extra Value Meals anymore even though I had literally ordered one there the week before. Another voice came over the speaker. They argued with me. I ended up ordering something different, then parked and went inside only to discover the Extra Value Meal still sitting there on the self-order screen like a tiny greasy monument to my growing insanity.

    So yesterday, that memory came flooding back instantly.

    And suddenly this wasn’t just:
    “Which burger did you want?”

    It was:
    “You’re confused.”
    “You’re wrong.”
    “The script changed.”
    “You’re not being understood.”

    I know how ridiculous that sounds written out. Trust me. But my nervous system did not interpret it as a minor inconvenience. It interpreted it as a threat.

    So I clarified I wanted the Extra Value Meal, and when I was answered with, “They’re all Extra Value Meals” I snapped back, “I’ve been ordering this same thing every day for five years, I know you have it.” 

    Side note: it was probably closer to ten years, but remember…confusion? Racing thoughts? Check and check.

    I’m learning that this kind of distress around sudden change and disrupted expectations is actually pretty common in routine disruptions in autism.

    By the time I got to the window, I had calmed down enough to apologize. I explained that kiddo is autistic and needs consistency, and the employee was actually lovely about it.

    But I drove away thinking:
    What the hell was that?

    Primed

    Then came Walmart.

    Now let me tell you something about Walmart self-checkout.

    I hate it.

    Every time I go, my anxiety increases exponentially.

    The bustle of people. The carts. The noise. The constant blips from every self-scanner going off at once. I can never tell which sounds belong to my machine and which belong to someone else’s. My brain doesn’t filter them out.

    And the heat.

    Oh my god, the heat.

    I struggle badly with overheating, especially when I’m stressed. It’s not uncommon for me to take off my coat and sweater while scanning groceries because I suddenly feel like I’m boiling alive under fluorescent lighting.

    And naturally, I have a system.

    Of course I do.

    I position the cart just so. Purse on the floor instead of in the cart because someone might take it. Coat off. Sweater off. Scan carefully. Check the screen after every item because with my luck, one won’t scan and I’ll somehow get accused of shoplifting, another weirdly intense fear of mine.

    I make little piles after scanning so I know what goes into which bag. Then I bag. Then I reload the cart. Then I double-check the screen. Then I pay.

    When I finally walk through those sliding doors into the parking lot and feel the breeze hit my skin, I have NEVER. BEEN. SO. GRATEFUL. to breathe outside air.

    Even if it’s a Walmart parking lot.

    I’m starting to realize how much of this was probably sensory overload mixed with hypervigilance and an already overloaded nervous system.

    So before the interaction even happened, I was already primed. My nervous system was already overloaded, and I still hadn’t recovered from our McDonald’s kerfluffle.

    Under Surveillance

    Then the scanner glitched.

    The first item scanned twice. No problem, I thought. Honest mistake. The employee came over, removed it, and then had to review the video footage to confirm what had happened.

    Which, rationally, I understand.

    But emotionally? My nervous system immediately clocked it as:
    You’re under surveillance.

    Then later, while scanning cat food, another item accidentally scanned twice. Again.

    Only this time, the machine froze and flagged an error. Before I even had time to explain, another employee was there reviewing footage again while I stood there trying to explain that I was literally holding four cans while the screen showed five.

    And I could feel the threat response escalating in real time.

    Not because anyone was actually accusing me outright, but because my brain had already shifted into hypervigilance mode.

    The first video review primed me.
    The second one confirmed the fear.

    By the time the employee kept insisting the scan was correct while I stood there counting cans in my hand like a sweaty, overstimulated Sesame Street character, something in me snapped.

    Not in a dramatic screaming way.

    But sharply.
    Harshly.

    “What are you not getting? I have four in my hand.”

    Even writing that makes me cringe.

    Then, because the universe apparently enjoys irony, the machine flagged me again while I was bagging my groceries. Another employee came over and explained the system had become confused by the placement of my reusable bag.

    At this point I was internally one blinking fluorescent light away from a full system shutdown.

    Later, as I was leaving, I found the first employee again and apologized.

    Because she didn’t deserve that either.

    The Shame Spiral

    But then came the shame spiral.

    And honestly? The shame spiral is the part I know best.

    Because this is what I do.

    I replay interactions endlessly in my head. I remember coaching moments from years ago where maybe I was too hard on a student. Not abusive. Not cruel. But maybe too intense. Too impatient. Too much.

    And I can’t let myself off the hook for it.

    Ever.

    My brain immediately jumps to:

    What’s wrong with me?
    Why can’t I control myself?
    Why didn’t I just say this differently?
    Why am I like this?

    And underneath all of it is this terrifying belief I’ve apparently carried my entire life:

    If I’m not perfect, I’m bad.

    Not imperfect.
    Not stressed.
    Not dysregulated.

    Bad.

    Monster-level bad.

    I’m beginning to realize how much rumination and black-and-white thinking have shaped my inner world.

    My Map Is Gone

    At the same time, I’m also beginning to realize that some of the things I thought were personal failings may actually be connected to being neurodivergent.

    Like how deeply routine disruptions affect me.

    For example, my mother sometimes tidies or reorganizes my things without asking. She means well. Truly. But it drives me absolutely insane.

    Why?

    Because I have a system.

    I know where things are. It may not look organized to anyone else, but it works for me. So when I go to grab medication or keys or paperwork and it’s suddenly been moved, it doesn’t just mildly annoy me.

    It disrupts the entire flow of my day.

    It feels like my map is gone.

    And if I’m already overwhelmed, that unexpected obstacle can feel enormous.

    The same goes for interruptions.

    If I’m hyperfocused on something and someone suddenly pulls me away from it, my reaction is almost physical. It feels jarring. Like my brain is being yanked out of one mode and shoved violently into another before I’m prepared.

    Apparently distress around interrupted hyperfocus is also pretty common in neurodivergent adults, which honestly made me feel both validated and mildly attacked.

    I used to think this just meant I was difficult. Anal. OCD. Controlling.

    Now I’m wondering if it’s something else.

    Maybe I’ve spent my entire life trying to manage an overloaded nervous system without understanding that’s what I was doing.

    Understanding vs Excusing

    And maybe that understanding matters.

    Not because it excuses hurting people.

    It doesn’t.

    I am still responsible for how I speak to people. Full stop.

    But maybe understanding the wiring underneath it all helps explain why some things feel so disproportionately overwhelming to me. Maybe it explains why I have to work harder than the average person to regulate myself when I’m overloaded.

    And maybe, just maybe, understanding that isn’t “playing the victim.”

    Maybe it’s finally learning to stop treating myself like a monster every time I struggle.

    I don’t have neat answers yet.

    I don’t know how to completely let myself off the hook while still holding myself accountable.

    I don’t know how much of this is autism. Or ADHD. Or stress. Or perimenopause. Or burnout. Or just being human.

    Probably all of the above.

    What I do know is this:

    I don’t think I was ever really angry about the cheeseburger meal.

  • Hypermobility, Autonomic Disorders, and Autism: Unraveling the Connections

    Hypermobility, Autonomic Disorders, and Autism: Unraveling the Connections

    AI lends a hand in drafting parts of this article, but I do the heavy lifting—researching, editing, and ensuring the message is clear, accurate, and aligned with my vision. Think of AI as my brainstorming buddy, but the final say (and human touch) is all mine.

    Ever heard of hypermobility, autonomic disorders, or autism? They might seem like totally different things, but guess what? They’re actually connected! It’s like a puzzle where these conditions often fit together.

    Think of it this way:

    • Lots of people with autism also have hypermobility (that’s when your joints bend more than usual).
    • And sometimes, people with hypermobility also have autonomic disorders (that’s when your body’s automatic systems like heart rate and digestion don’t work properly).

    So, what does this all mean? It means that understanding how these conditions relate to each other can help us find better ways to support people who experience them.

    Understanding Hypermobility

    Hypermobility is when your joints can move way past the normal range—think of it as being super flexible. This happens because the connective tissue that holds your joints together is different, usually looser, or weaker, or both.

    Definitions and Types

    Joint hypermobility means your joints can move past the usual range—sometimes way past it. For some people, it’s just how their body is built, but for others, it’s linked to genetic conditions like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). There are a few different types of EDS, but the most common one is Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS).

    When multiple joints are extra bendy, it’s called generalized joint hypermobility. One common way to check for it is the Beighton score, a quick test that looks at how far you can bend things like your fingers, elbows, or knees. If you’ve ever been told you’re “double-jointed,” this might be why!

    Recognizing Symptoms

    So, you’re probably asking yourself, “how do I know if my kind of ‘bendiness’ is normal?” Well, if it’s more than just being bendy—like if you’re dealing with joint pain, frequent dislocations, or other weird body quirks—it might be worth looking into. You may have Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (JHS).

    And it’s not just about your joints. Some people with hypermobility also have super soft or stretchy skin, plus fun extras like digestive issues and fatigue (because why stop at just one challenge, right?). Spotting these symptoms early can help you get ahead of things and manage them better.

    Diagnosis of Joint Hypermobility Syndrome

    Getting diagnosed with JHS isn’t just about being extra bendy—your doctor will look at your medical history, do a physical exam, and probably check your Beighton score (yep, that test we mentioned earlier).

    But let’s be real—you might have to push for more thorough testing. As we’ve already stressed, hypermobility can be linked to other conditions, like EDS, which sometimes requires genetic testing to confirm. For example, the TNXB gene is one that might get checked to help understand the genetic side of EDS.

    Getting the right diagnosis is a game-changer—it helps you manage symptoms better and avoid potential complications down the road.

    Understanding Autonomic Disorders

    Just when you things weren’t complicated enough, we’re going to throw autonomic disorders into the mix. I know, I know! But stay with me, I promise I’m going somewhere with this.

    Autonomic disorders mess with the part of your nervous system that handles all the behind-the-scenes stuff—like keeping your heart beating and your digestion running smoothly—without you even thinking about it. When things go wrong, it can lead to symptoms like dizziness, chronic fatigue, and stomach issues. And if you throw hypermobility into the mix? Those problems can hit even harder.

    Introduction to Autonomic Dysfunction

    Autonomic dysfunction happens when your autonomic nervous system—aka the body’s autopilot—doesn’t do its job properly. This system handles all the stuff you don’t have to think about, like breathing, keeping your heart beating, and digesting food. When it’s out of whack, you can end up dealing with dizziness, insomnia, and some seriously annoying digestive issues.

    Chronic fatigue is another common symptom of autonomic dysfunction, often leaving you feeling tired no matter how much you rest. These symptoms can seriously affect your day-to-day life, making it hard to focus at school or work and impacting your social life. Learning to manage these symptoms often involves both medical treatments and lifestyle changes.

    Co-occurrence with Hypermobility

    Hypermobility—aka super flexible joints—often goes hand in hand with autonomic disorders. If you’ve got both, you might notice overlapping symptoms like dizziness and fatigue, which can make it feel like your whole body is out of sync.

    Digestive issues, like constipation or IBS, are also pretty common with both conditions, adding another layer of discomfort to everyday life. The more you understand the connection between hypermobility and autonomic dysfunction, the better you can find treatments that tackle both at the same time.

    Managing it all usually takes a mix of medication, physical therapy, and lifestyle tweaks to help you feel more in control and improve your quality of life.

    Hypermobility and Autism Connection

    Hypermobility and autism tend to go hand in hand, and it’s not just a coincidence. There are a lot of overlapping traits—like sensory sensitivities, certain behaviors, and unique ways the brain processes things. Knowing how they connect can make everyday life a little easier and help set realistic, supportive goals that actually work for you.

    Common Traits and Co-occurrence

    Hypermobility shows up a lot in autistic people—some studies say up to 80% might have it. Both come with similar traits, like heightened sensory awareness and unique reactions to the world around them. Basically, they overlap in ways that can shape how someone experiences daily life.

    Anxiety and depression are also pretty common in this group, likely because of all that extra sensory input and cognitive overload. If you’ve got both hypermobility and autism, everyday tasks can feel even more overwhelming, cranking up stress and sensory overload. But figuring out ways to manage these shared traits can make a huge difference in feeling more comfortable and in control.

    Implications for Daily Life and Development

    Living with both hypermobility and autism comes with some unique challenges that can impact daily life. Here’s how:

    • Physical difficulties – Joint instability can make movement tough, leading to issues with balance and coordination. This can make sports or even basic activities harder and might require customized physical support.
    • Developmental impact – Learning environments can be tricky, with some kids needing specific strategies to help with focus, motor skills, or sensory processing.
    • Additional health challenges – Conditions like eating disorders or epilepsy sometimes show up alongside hypermobility and autism, adding extra layers of difficulty to daily routines.
    • Personalized support is key – Tailored approaches—whether through therapy, accommodations, or understanding caregivers—can make all the difference in creating a supportive, functional environment.

    Figuring out what works best for you can help make life more manageable and improve overall well-being.

    Management and Support for Hypermobility and Associated Conditions

    Managing hypermobility usually takes a mix of therapies, mental health support, and lifestyle adjustments. Each piece plays a big role in making daily life easier and keeping symptoms in check.

    Therapies and Rehabilitation

    • Physical therapy is a game-changer when it comes to improving motor control and core strength. A good therapist will tailor exercises to help strengthen the muscles around your hypermobile joints, which can make a huge difference in posture and reducing chronic pain.
    • Occupational therapy is all about making daily life easier. It can teach you energy-saving techniques to help manage fatigue and keep you from burning out so quickly. Plus, regular exercises can improve proprioception (aka your body’s ability to know where it is in space), which helps reduce injuries and those frustrating missteps.
    • Talking to rehab specialists can also help you find solid pain management strategies—because dealing with discomfort every day is exhausting, and having the right techniques can make all the difference.

    Navigating Psychological Aspects

    Hypermobility and anxiety tend to go hand in hand, and dealing with both can be a lot. Recognizing the emotional toll is just as important as managing the physical side of things.

    • Therapy and support groups: Talking to a therapist who understands anxiety (and how it connects to hypermobility) can be a game-changer. Support groups can also help, especially if you’ve ever felt left out or misunderstood because of your symptoms.
    • Mindfulness and stress relief: Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or gentle movement (like yoga) can help with relaxation and keep stress levels in check.
    • Open communication: Being upfront with your therapist about what’s working (and what’s not) can help them tailor strategies that actually fit your life.
    • A solid support system: Surrounding yourself with understanding family, friends, or even an online community can make all the difference. Having people who get it and encourage you can help you navigate the tough days.

    Emotional health is just as important as physical health, and finding the right mix of coping strategies, support, and self-care can make everything feel a little more manageable.

    Lifestyle Modifications and Support Systems

    Making small lifestyle tweaks can have a huge impact on how you feel day to day.

    • Fuel your body right: Eating a balanced diet can help support your overall health (because let’s be real, running on caffeine and vibes only gets you so far).
    • Listen to your body: If fatigue is hitting hard, pacing yourself and scheduling rest breaks can keep you from crashing and burning.
    • Know your history: If joint hypermobility syndrome (JHS) runs in your family, being aware of it early can help you get ahead of potential issues.
    • Build your support squad: Whether it’s doctors, therapists, family, or friends, having people who get it makes all the difference. Surround yourself with folks who support you, not ones who tell you to “just stretch more” (because, yeah… that’s not the problem).

    The key is finding what works for you—a mix of nutrition, pacing, knowledge, and support that helps you feel as good as possible while managing hypermobility.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    The connection between hypermobility, autonomic disorders, and autism is complicated—like trying to untangle a bunch of charging cables from the bottom of your bag. This section dives into how these conditions overlap, affect each other, and what current research has to say about it. Spoiler: It’s all connected in ways we’re just beginning to understand.

    What’s the connection between joint hypermobility and autistic traits?

    Researchers have picked up on a connection between joint hypermobility and autism. Some studies suggest shared genetic factors might be at play, but there’s still a lot we don’t know. More research is needed to fully untangle how these two conditions are linked—but the connection is definitely there.

    Can autism impact your body’s autonomic functions?

    Yep, autism can absolutely affect autonomic functions. Some autistic individuals deal with things like orthostatic intolerance—which basically means their body struggles to regulate blood pressure and heart rate when they stand up. It’s like their nervous system didn’t get the memo on how to adjust properly, which can lead to dizziness, lightheadedness, or even feeling like they might pass out.

    Are folks with autism more likely to have hypermobile joints?

    People with autism are more likely to have hypermobile joints, though science hasn’t fully figured out why yet. The leading theory? Genetics. There’s a good chance that both conditions share some genetic factors, but researchers are still working on connecting all the dots.

    How might hypermobility affect behaviour in people with autism?

    Hypermobility can come with a side of pain and discomfort, and for autistic individuals, that can have a big impact on behavior and emotions. When your body hurts, it’s no surprise that anxiety and stress can ramp up, making everyday tasks and social interactions even more challenging. It’s not just about being extra flexible—it’s about how those physical challenges affect everything else in daily life.

    What are the sensory issues linked to hypermobility in those on the autism spectrum?

    Sensory issues are a big deal for people with both hypermobility and autism. Things like touch, sound, or light can feel way more intense than they do for others, making certain environments totally overwhelming. This is why having coping strategies—like noise-canceling headphones, dim lighting, or comfy clothing—can make a world of difference in navigating daily life.

    Wrapping It All Up: Understanding, Managing, and Advocating

    So, what’s the takeaway from all of this? Hypermobility, autonomic disorders, and autism are deeply connected, and understanding these links can make a huge difference in how we manage them. Whether it’s pain, fatigue, sensory challenges, or anxiety, recognizing how these conditions overlap helps in finding better support, treatment, and strategies for everyday life.

    Managing these conditions isn’t just about doctor visits and therapy (though those help!); it’s also about self-advocacy, pacing yourself, and building a strong support network. And let’s be real—sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone in this can be a game-changer.

    If you’re looking for ways to advocate for neurodiversity and celebrate the unique ways our minds and bodies work, check out BellaZinga! Our store is all about spreading awareness, embracing differences, and celebrating neurodivergence with fun, meaningful designs. Because at the end of the day, the more we understand, support, and uplift each other, the better life gets for all of us.

    Let’s keep the conversation going—because neurodiversity deserves to be seen, heard, and celebrated! 💜