When Tamra Judge, star of “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” recently announced her autism diagnosis, it sparked a whirlwind of reactions. As an autism mom of 13 years, my initial feelings were intense—ranging from disbelief to anger. Raising a child on the spectrum has been a journey marked by profound challenges, daily heartbreaks, and constant advocacy.
Hearing Tamra reveal her diagnosis so casually, without the depth of understanding or experience, felt like a slap in the face to families like mine who live this reality every day.
But then I took a step back. Autism isn’t the same for everyone—it presents differently in every individual, especially for women who often go undiagnosed until later in life. Still, I found myself conflicted, questioning whether her announcement was genuine or if it was simply an excuse for her bad behaviour on the show.
In this blog, I want to explore these mixed feelings and offer a glimpse into the realities of autism, both as a condition and a diagnosis that impacts not just individuals, but entire families.
A World Not Built for Kids on the Spectrum
For kids like my daughter, the world can feel overwhelming—a place that’s too bright, too loud, too chaotic. It often feels like the world wasn’t built for them. My daughter struggles with sensory sensitivities, which makes it hard for her to be in busy, noisy places like school. The overhead lights, the constant hum of conversation, kids acting out—these things, which many children might find mildly distracting, are huge obstacles for her.
Autism Parenting Magazine explains that sensory processing issues are common in autistic children and can cause them to feel overwhelmed by sounds, lights, and touch. For my daughter, these sensitivities often trigger meltdowns and anxiety attacks that make a typical school day feel impossible to get through. She’s forced to endure an environment that’s almost tailor-made to overstimulate her senses.
And then there’s the bullying. My daughter struggles with reading social signals, understanding concepts like personal space, regulating her voice volume, and following the flow of conversation. She often gets too close, speaks too loudly, or doesn’t know when to enter or end a conversation.
Despite her kind heart and good intentions, she’s been ostracized and bullied so severely that we’ve had to change schools. The pain of watching her struggle to fit in, of seeing her beautiful spirit crushed under the weight of her peers’ rejection, is almost unbearable.
And don’t get me started about the lack of acknowledgment, understanding or support from school officials, the staggering amount of time I had to spend advocating for her and the number of meetings I had to initiate to try and make school a safe space. (That’s another blog entirely).
The Emotional and Physical Impact of Autism
Anxiety is a constant companion for my daughter. The fear of being bullied, the pressure to conform, and the overwhelming sensory input create an emotional cocktail that often results in meltdowns.
These aren’t the minor tantrums that some people might imagine—they are full-blown panic attacks that can last for hours, leaving both of us completely drained for the rest of the day. And these aren’t just emotional responses—they manifest physically, too.
Autistic children often experience physical symptoms tied to their anxiety, like gastrointestinal issues, frequent headaches, or even asthma. My daughter frequently complains of stomach aches and other physical discomforts on the days when her anxiety is at its peak. Anxiety and gastrointestinal problems are closely linked in autistic children, and it’s a struggle I see play out daily in my own household.
Executive Function and Daily Struggles
Even the simplest tasks, like getting ready for school in the morning, can feel insurmountable for my daughter. She struggles with executive function, which means organizing tasks and managing time can be incredibly difficult. While a neurotypical child might be able to get dressed, pack their backpack, and leave the house in 10 minutes, my daughter takes significantly longer because she can’t easily break down the steps in her head.
Executive function challenges manifest in autistic children in countless ways, making it hard to manage even routine tasks. For my daughter, things like tying her shoes, packing her lunch, or remembering what order to do things in are daily battles that take ten times as long as a neurotypical child would take. And when the world expects her to keep up with her peers, it adds even more anxiety to her already overwhelming load.
Tying It Back to Tamra’s Autism Announcement
This is why Tamra Judge’s announcement initially felt like a punch to the gut. As an autism mom, I know firsthand the profound challenges and daily struggles that come with raising a child on the spectrum. So when Tamra casually mentioned her diagnosis on her podcast, claiming she was diagnosed in one therapy session, it raised a lot of red flags.
Diagnosing autism typically takes multiple assessments with specialists, and the process is often lengthy and thorough. Could someone really be diagnosed in one session?
Reality Blurb’s article on the backlash Tamra received highlights how Tamra’s announcement was met with skepticism, especially given her reputation for dishonesty on “Real Housewives.” To some, it seemed like she might be using autism as an excuse for her bad behaviour on the show—a harmful narrative that could reinforce negative stereotypes about people on the spectrum.
Understanding Late Autism Diagnosis in Women
But on the other hand, it’s also important to acknowledge that autism often goes undiagnosed in women, who tend to mask their symptoms more effectively than men. Tamra could very well be one of the many women who were overlooked in childhood and only diagnosed later in life. Autism is frequently underdiagnosed in adult women, who often learn to hide their struggles and adapt to neurotypical expectations.
While my initial reaction was skepticism, I now see that Tamra’s diagnosis could still be valid. If she is truly on the spectrum, it’s important to have compassion for her and recognize that her journey may be different from others. However, it’s also crucial that we don’t allow this announcement to perpetuate harmful stereotypes about autism.
Conclusion: Balancing Compassion and Critical Thinking
At the end of the day, Tamra Judge’s announcement brings to light the complexities of autism, particularly in how it’s perceived and diagnosed in adults. While we should approach her situation with compassion, it’s equally important to demand a responsible conversation around autism—one that doesn’t reduce it to a convenient label or excuse.
Autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour, and it certainly isn’t a tool for garnering sympathy or avoiding accountability. It’s a condition that profoundly impacts individuals and families and deserves to be discussed with the respect and seriousness it warrants.
For those reading this, I urge you to educate yourselves further about autism and how it affects not only individuals but their families, friends, and communities. Let’s foster a conversation rooted in understanding, not judgment, and continue supporting and advocating for those on the spectrum in every way possible.
Thanksgiving is a time-honoured tradition celebrated with family and friends, involving a feast, gratitude, and togetherness. For individuals with autism and their loved ones, navigating the holiday can present unique challenges, such as sensory overload, changes in routine, and social expectations. By understanding these factors, creating an autism-friendly environment, and involving a supportive network, all your family celebrations can be joyful and inclusive events for all.
A significant aspect of making Thanksgiving and other family holidays more accessible and enjoyable for autistic individuals lies in comprehending their unique needs and experiences. Those who have autism may experience heightened sensitivity to stimuli, including sounds, smells, and tastes, which can be overwhelming in a typical holiday gathering. Additionally, alterations to their regular schedules may evoke unintended stress or discomfort.
To counter these challenges, it’s crucial to create a supportive and autism-friendly environment during Thanksgiving that acknowledges and accommodates these needs. By working closely with loved ones and collaborating on practical solutions, families can transform their holiday celebrations into cherished moments full of blessings and abundance.
Key Takeaways
Creating an autism-friendly environment at Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays fosters inclusivity and enjoyment for all.
Understanding the unique needs and sensitivities of autistic individuals is key to navigating the holidays.
Collaborating with a supportive network can significantly ease holiday challenges and promote a joyful experience.
Understanding Autism
What is Autism Spectrum Disorder
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a complex neurological condition that affects the way a person processes information, perceives the world and communicates with others. It is called a “spectrum” disorder because it manifests in many different ways, with varying levels of severity. ASD is typically diagnosed in early childhood, and the signs become more apparent as children grow and interact with their environment.
Affect of Autism on Social Interactions
Children with ASD often experience difficulty in social settings, as they may struggle to understand and interpret social cues, facial expressions, and body language. They may also have trouble making friends, maintaining eye contact, and engaging in conversations. This can lead to feelings of isolation and anxiety for both the child with ASD and their caregivers.
However, many individuals with ASD can develop strong social skills, with proper support and interventions tailored to their specific needs. Parents, teachers, and other professionals can help these children by promoting understanding and acceptance of ASD within the broader community.
Understanding Autism Meltdowns
Autism meltdowns are not tantrums, but rather the result of overwhelming stress, anxiety, sensory overload, or unmet needs. A meltdown can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as sudden changes in routine or unexpected events. They are an emotional and physical reaction to this stress, and often involve a loss of control over emotions and behaviours.
During a meltdown, children with ASD may exhibit behaviours such as crying, yelling, or physical aggression. It’s essential to understand that these actions are not intentional, but rather a response to the overwhelming feelings being experienced. Providing a calm, supportive environment and employing strategies to prevent or address potential triggers can help individuals with ASD reduce the frequency and intensity of meltdowns.
Navigating Thanksgiving with Autism
There are a number of strategies you can use to make your family celebration easier for your autistic child.
Pre-Thanksgiving Preparations
To ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience during Thanksgiving (and subsequent holidays), it’s crucial for parents to plan ahead and prepare their child with autism for any changes in their routine. Discussing the new schedule and the upcoming events can help the child understand the differences compared to their regular routine. Providing a visual schedule or social stories can be particularly beneficial for children with autism. For example, thanksgiving themed visuals can help them comprehend what to expect during the day.
Encourage the involvement of a support system, including friends and family members who understand and are comfortable with the child’s needs. This can make it easier for the child to navigate the changes in routine during the holiday.
Navigating Thanksgiving Day
On Thanksgiving Day, it is essential to maintain as much structure as possible while being flexible to any unforeseen situations. Depending on the needs of the child with autism, consider designating a quiet space where they can retreat during overwhelming moments. When attending family gatherings, consider bringing items or activities from home that the child is familiar with, as suggested by Autism Speaks.
During the meal, provide options that cater to the child’s sensory needs and preferences. Keep in mind the possible challenges with social interactions and adjust expectations accordingly. Encourage participation, but respect the child’s limits and allow them to take breaks when needed.
Post-Thanksgiving Analysis
After the Thanksgiving celebrations, it’s essential to assess the child’s progress and overall experience. Review any challenges they might have encountered during the day and develop strategies to address them in future situations. Acknowledge the child’s successes and use this information to inform future planning and preparation.
Ultimately, the key to navigating Thanksgiving with autism is a combination of thorough preparation, maintaining structure, and flexibility. By being proactive and understanding the child’s needs, parents and caregivers can ensure a more enjoyable and autism-friendly Thanksgiving experience.
Creating Autism-Friendly Thanksgiving Environment
These three C’s are so helpful to create an autism friendly environment.
Autism-Friendly Activities
One way to ensure an autism-friendly family get-together is to plan activities that cater to the sensory needs and preferences of individuals with autism. Consider incorporating toys and board games designed for those with autism spectrum disorder, and create opportunities for structured play. Additionally, using social stories can help prepare them for unfamiliar or potentially overwhelming situations that may arise during the holiday festivities.
Creating an Autism-Friendly Menu
Creating an autism-friendly menu is another important aspect of planning a Thanksgiving celebration that accommodates everyone’s needs. Traditional dishes like turkey should be included, but also consider the dietary preferences of individuals with autism, who might be picky eaters or have specific textures or flavours they avoid. For example, offering alternatives like velveeta shells and cheese can accommodate different palates. Collaborating with families beforehand can provide valuable insight into preferred foods and any dietary restrictions.
Providing a Safe Space
Thanksgiving celebrations can be loud and chaotic, potentially causing distress for those with autism. Providing a quiet and safe space for individuals to retreat to if they need a break from the festivities is essential for their comfort and well-being. Equip the space with noise-reducing headphones and soothing items like sensory toys or weighted blankets. Ensuring there are designated quiet spaces also allows for a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
Incorporating autism-friendly activities, creating an accommodating menu, and providing a safe and quiet space are all essential components of creating an autism-friendly Thanksgiving environment. By being mindful of the needs and preferences of individuals with autism, hosts can help ensure a more inclusive and enjoyable holiday celebration for everyone involved.
Involving the Support System
Holiday celebrations often involve a lot of planning, especially when family members with autism are involved. One of the keys to a successful holiday gathering is involving the support system, which mainly includes the immediate family and extended family members.
Role of Immediate Family
The immediate family plays a significant role in providing support for an individual with autism. They are the primary source of love and understanding and can have a deep understanding of how best to support their loved ones during special holidays.
In preparation for the celebration, it is important for the immediate family to communicate about their loved one’s needs. They should discuss any potential challenges that might arise, such as sensory sensitivities, dietary restrictions, or difficulties with social interactions. By being proactive and open about these issues, the immediate family can work together to create a comfortable and enjoyable experience for their loved one with autism.
Additionally, immediate family members can help their loved ones with autism participate in Thanksgiving traditions, such as giving thanks or sharing what they are grateful for. Some ideas to facilitate this involvement can be found in this podcast about autism and Thanksgiving.
Understanding the Role of Extended Family
Extended family members, such as in-laws, aunts, uncles, and cousins, also play an important role in creating an autism-friendly Thanksgiving gathering. By educating themselves about autism and being open to adjustments, they can help contribute to a supportive environment.
The immediate family can start by sharing information with the extended family about the specific needs and preferences of their autistic loved ones, and what they can expect during the celebration. Clear communication is key, as it can help minimize misunderstandings and discomfort.
At the event, it is beneficial for extended family members to be patient and flexible. They should try to be understanding if there are any disruptions or changes in plans that may be necessary due to their loved one’s autism. Additionally, they can provide emotional support and encouragement, which can go a long way in making the individual with autism feel included and valued.
In both cases, the support system of immediate and extended family members can be instrumental in helping someone with autism have a positive Thanksgiving experience. By being understanding, communicative, and flexible, everyone can contribute to an enjoyable and inclusive holiday celebration.
Holiday Challenges and Solutions
Managing Disruptive Behavior
Holidays can be particularly challenging for families with children on the autism spectrum. Disruptive behavior might be heightened during this time due to changes in routine, social expectations, and sensory overload. To help manage such behavior, it is essential to plan ahead and implement appropriate strategies.
One approach is to use social stories to illustrate and explain specific social situations that may arise during holidays. This helps the child understand what to expect and reduces anxiety. Furthermore, maintaining clear communication with your child can help set expectations and enable them to express their needs more effectively.
Dealing with Sensory Overload
Many autistic individuals have strong negative reactions to bright lights, loud noises, strong flavors, and smells. The holidays can sometimes feel like a sensory assault, making it crucial to take steps to reduce sensory overload.
One strategy is to bring sensory items, such as headphones or fidget toys, that can help the child self-regulate in overwhelming situations. Monitoring noise levels and providing a designated quiet space for your child to retreat to when needed can also be helpful in managing sensory overload.
Handling Changes in Routine
Daily routines provide structure and predictability for autistic children, making holiday-related changes in routine particularly challenging. To minimize the stress associated with disruptions, it is essential to plan ahead and help your child adjust to the changes in routine.
Creating a visual schedule outlining the events and activities during holiday celebrations can be beneficial. This schedule can be reviewed ahead of time to help familiarize your child with the upcoming events. Scheduling downtime, maintaining familiar routines when possible, and gradually introducing new events or activities can make holiday celebrations more enjoyable for everyone involved.
Conclusion: Blessings and Abundance
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, it is essential to recognize the blessings and abundance in our lives, especially for those coping with autism or supporting family members with autism. The holiday provides valuable opportunities for families and individuals to appreciate the unique gifts that autistic individuals bring to the table.
The cornucopia is a symbol of abundance and a common sight during Thanksgiving festivities. This overflowing “horn of plenty” serves as a reminder for everyone to be grateful for all the good in their lives. In the context of autism, the cornucopia can represent the strengths and talents often associated with autism spectrum disorder, such as attention to detail, creativity, and persistence.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to celebrating family holidays, and for families touched by autism, finding ways to adapt and adjust traditional Thanksgiving customs can be an invaluable step toward creating a more inclusive and joyful celebration. By incorporating strategies to manage sensory overload or social challenges, a Thanksgiving meal can become a comfortable space for everyone involved.
In the end, it’s essential to look beyond the challenges that autism may present and focus on the blessings and abundance that autistic individuals contribute to the families and communities around them. Autism can certainly pose its difficulties, but by embracing the unique talents and qualities of those living with autism, we can foster a greater sense of connection, love, and gratitude during Thanksgiving and all year round.
Frequently Asked Questions
How does Thanksgiving and other family celebrations affect autism spectrum individuals?
Thanksgiving can be a challenging time for individuals on the autism spectrum due to sensory overload, changes in routine, and social demands. The large gatherings, new foods, and festivities may cause anxiety and discomfort for some individuals with autism. It is essential to recognize these potential issues and plan accordingly to ensure an enjoyable and inclusive holiday experience for everyone.
What strategies can help autistic children during Thanksgiving and other holiday celebrations?
Strategies to help autistic children during Thanksgiving celebrations include preparing them in advance for the event, creating a visual schedule, offering a quiet space for them to retreat to if needed, familiarizing them with the location and attendees, and involving them in the planning and decision-making process. Additionally, consider incorporating autism-friendly activities and adjusting the environment to minimize sensory overload.
How can we promote understanding of autism during Thanksgiving?
Educating family members and friends about autism can go a long way in promoting understanding during Thanksgiving gatherings. Share information about the individual’s unique needs, triggers, and coping strategies. Encourage communication and empathy by facilitating open conversations about autism and offering resources for those interested in learning more about it.
Which Thanksgiving activities are more suited for people with autism?
Some Thanksgiving activities that may be better suited for people with autism include simple arts and crafts, watching parades or holiday movies, and helping with food preparation or setting the table. These activities can provide structure and familiarity while still allowing for social interaction and holiday fun.
How can families with autistic members adjust their Thanksgiving and other holiday traditions?
Families with autistic members can adjust their Thanksgiving traditions by being flexible and accommodating. This may include modifying the environment to reduce sensory stimuli, simplifying meal plans to accommodate dietary preferences, and incorporating more inclusive, autism-friendly activities. Communication and understanding among family members are critical in creating a supportive and enjoyable holiday experience for everyone.
What resources are available for managing autism during Thanksgiving gatherings and beyond?
There are several resources available for managing autism during Thanksgiving gatherings, such as Autism Speaks and Acorn Health, which provide expert advice and tips for creating an autism-friendly holiday experience. Utilize these resources to gather ideas and develop an individualized plan for your family gathering based on the specific needs and preferences of the autistic individual.
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