BellaZinga.Blog

Tag: athletes

  • A Dance Recital Like No Other

    A Dance Recital Like No Other

    Last weekend my daughter danced in her studio’s end-of-the-year recital. The show was a success, full of the usual suspects; seasoned performers hip-hopping their way to fame, teeny-weenies out for their dance debut loaded with sparkles and wide-eyed anticipation, and budding street dancers learning the breakdance ropes. 

    While all of these regular recital occurrences are heart-warming, what got me in the “feels” was that I got to watch the entire thing from the audience. 

    This may sound odd, given that my little dancer is not so little anymore. In fact, at nearly twelve, she’s taller than most grown women. And you’re likely now thinking that I’m a total helicopter mom, hovering like there’s no tomorrow, too afraid to cut the apron strings and let my daughter look after herself.

    While that may be true, there’s also another factor to consider. You see, my daughter is neurodivergent; she has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. This means that she is quirky, beautiful and (in my humble opinion) fucking brilliant. 

    It also means she has significant challenges in places and at events that you and your neurotypical kiddos likely take for granted.

    I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. I’ll tell you why.

    Source: Unsplash

    The Extra Steps of Autism

    My daughter doesn’t look any different than your average tween. Given that she is considered Level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers), nothing would cue you that she is any different from a neurotypical child. 

    This is why so many parents of kids on the spectrum get the side-eye, eye-rolls, and just about any other eye-related behaviour from other parents, teachers, doctors, etc. 

    No two children on the spectrum are the same, but let me share with you some of the challenges my daughter has had to overcome in her dance career.

    Motor Difficulties

    You know how kids can effortlessly tie their shoes or change outfits like they’re in a backstage dressing room of a Broadway show? Well, that’s not exactly a walk in the park for my kiddo. 

    With her motor skills functioning a little differently, quickly tying tap shoes or changing sparkly leotards might as well be an Olympic event. And let’s not forget the actual dance numbers. 

    With balance and coordination playing a cheeky game of hide-and-seek, the challenge of mastering those intricate steps is on another level.

    Issues with Working Memory

    Ever tried to keep track of multiple dance numbers, their order, and the steps for each in your head? My daughter tackles this challenge head-on every time she steps onto that stage. 

    Prioritizing tasks and decision-making are like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. The struggle with working memory is real y’all.

    Executive Function Challenges 

    Imagine having a long list of instructions, each more complex than the last. Sound overwhelming? Now, think about how it feels when every day is filled with these lists and not having a freaking clue where to begin or how to put the required steps in order?

    That’s the reality for children like my daughter. Delayed executive function development is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Is it any wonder they get frustrated and lose their shit?

    Emotional Dysregulation

    Feelings for my daughter are like waves during a storm, overwhelming and unpredictable. Her emotions are big, bold, and often challenging to rein in. It’s like riding a roller coaster without a safety bar, thrilling but also a little scary.

    The hardest part as her parent is to watch the shame and guilt play across her features once she has calmed down and realized what she said and did while she was struggling for control. 

    Even though my kiddo is starting to realize that when she gets overwhelmed, her frontal lobe is not in control, and she is in the clutches of her amygdala and the dreaded fight/flight/freeze/fawn (although there is a strong argument for using “feign” instead of fawn) response cycle, she still feels bad about her behaviour after the fact.

    Sensory Sensitivities

    Imagine being at a rock concert, but the music’s too loud, the lights are too bright, and the crowd’s too much. Now, try picturing that every time you’re in a room full of kids or under fluorescent lighting. 

    That’s what my daughter deals with — a world where sounds, smells, and sights can be as piercing as a siren’s call. Because she perceives the world differently and often more intensely, she can experience these sensations as discomfort and even pain.

    Now see yourself at a dance competition or recital, packed together in a dressing room with hundreds of other dancers, all anxious and excited. The steady drum of chatter, shouting, crying, and music would be enough to drive a neurotypical person to drink, let alone someone who’s conditioned to perceive these stimuli as threats! (To clarify, I don’t let my daughter drink…so don’t come for me!)

    Problems Reading Social Cues

    Reading social cues for my daughter is like deciphering hieroglyphics without a Rosetta Stone. It’s tough not knowing how to fit into the social puzzle, feeling isolated in a room full of chattering children. 

    But thank the goddess for our dance studio. Through careful attention to fostering a climate and culture of family and inclusion, they have helped my daughter fit in every step of the way. I wish I could say the same for our previous studio, but that’s another story for another time. (And perhaps that aforementioned drink)

    Triumph in the Dressing Room

    Usually, I am my daughter’s special assistant in the dressing room. My job is to make sure she can navigate quick changes, take a sensory break if necessary, calm her in case of overwhelming nervousness to prevent meltdowns and help her navigate the environment and pressure around her.

    I always ask my kiddo if she wants me there with her in the dressing room or if she’d like to try it on her own, as I’m trying to foster independence and push her boundaries, but I want her to feel ready for it.

    So I wasn’t surprised when she asked me to be her special dressing room assistant once again. 

    I don’t mind this, but the fact is, it is usually only my daughter and me at these events. So when I’m below in a dressing room, I am not in the audience to hoot, holler, yell, and clap for her when she’s onstage. And that means she has no one in the audience to do that for her. 

    As you can imagine, for an only child who seldom sees her father and sees ALL the other families full of siblings and relatives attending, this is hard for both of us.

    Still, I was prepared. I’d created extra lists for my l’il dancer with the order of her numbers, all carefully highlighted. I’d labelled each of her dance bags carefully, even crafting numbers to hang on each hanger so it would be easier to see which one was next.

    I’d done all the things necessary to ensure a seamless experience. I’d packed all my kiddo’s sensory stuff, like headphones, earbuds, fidget spinners, a tablet and a charger, not to mention a cell phone. You name it; we were ready.

    Then, suddenly, as we were setting her bag up in her designated space, my daughter shot me an “I’m so embarrassed my mom is here look” and started shooing me away.

    I have to admit. I froze, unsure if I was actually seeing what I thought I was. 

    Sure enough, my daughter wanted me to leave her alone so she could hang with her dance friends. When I asked if she could handle the quick changes, she said she could, and I should leave her alone.

    Source: Pexels

    A New Perspective: Joining the Audience

    I just about cried. Partly, if I’m being honest, because this was a huge hurdle, and it meant my baby was growing up, which is difficult for every mama bear, neurodivergent or neurotypical alike.

    But partly because of the overwhelming sense of relief and freedom to sit and enjoy myself at a function. Whether it was a family dinner, a holiday gathering, a school assembly, or a dance recital, I had yet been unable to do this.

    I don’t think you can understand how it feels to always be alone when you’re the parent of a kiddo on the spectrum. Because your child is more, needs more, and demands more, you have to give more, be available more, be more organized, be more prepared, be more calm…I think you get the picture.

    This sense of being an uber parent is not conducive to sitting and having a cocktail at a dinner party, socializing with family at a Christmas get-together, or watching your daughter shine onstage at dance recitals.

    Until last week.

    And shine, she did. Although it was hard to see from the tears in my eyes. (I’m not crying, you’re crying)

    Parenting on the Spectrum Means You Celebrate the Ordinary Moments as if They Were Extraordinary

    My daughter did it on her own, and I couldn’t be prouder. You see, for parents like me, we don’t just celebrate the recitals or awards. We celebrate the moments when our children prove to the world, and more importantly to themselves, that they are so much more than a label.

    We celebrate when they show their strength and resilience in the face of adversity and face the challenges of a world that can be overwhelmingly stacked against them.

    So yes, I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. Not because it’s a luxury but because it’s a testament to the beautiful, quirky, brilliant girl my daughter has become. And how damn proud I am of her.

    If you want to share some ordinary yet extraordinary moments with your neurodivergent child, comment below, and follow me for more blogs!

    Better yet, why not check out my online store, BellaZinga (inspired by my daughter and her neverending one-liners) for some merch with a side of neurodivergent sass? While you’re there, you can download my eBook “Friends Beyond Differences: Embracing Neurodiversity.” 

    It’s an engaging guide written specifically for neurotypical kids aged 6-12 to help them understand and embrace their neurodiverse peers.

    And remember, our differences make us unique, but our humanity binds us together. Let’s ensure every child, regardless of their neurotype, feels accepted, loved, and capable of dancing their own unique rhythm.

    Shine on, my beautiful neurodiverse kiddos.

    Shine on.

  • SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    Part One: Setting your Goals

    “Plan the work, and work the plan.”

    The first step on any journey is to know where you are going. 
    Goal setting is the first step on your journey in skating!

    Learn How to Goal Set Like a SuperS.T.A.R.

    S.T.A.R. stands for:

    Specific: You can’t achieve it if you can’t describe it in detail! Break your goal down into manageable chunks, and attack it one chunk at a time.

    Trackable: If you can’t measure it so you can keep track of it you won’t know when you’ve achieved it. Make sure each goal has a quantity attached, or a quality, as well as a time element. These things will  help you track your progress.

    Attainable:  I’d like to play in the NBA.  I’m 5’4” and can’t jump high. I’m also 50 years old. Even if I could quit my job and train 5 days a week to get a great jump shot, I will never grow any taller. 


    My goal of playing in the NBA is NEVER going to happen.  Enough said.

    Realistic: It may be attainable, but are you willing to put in the work and make the sacrifices to make it happen?  THIS is when it gets real.

    As we work through our goal setting process together, I am going to ask you to always come back to these principles. 

    Ask your self constantly, is this goal specific, is it trackable, is it attainable, and is it realistic. If not, adjust your goal to make it so.

    GOAL SETTING IS A SKILL, THE MORE YOU PRACTICE IT, THE BETTER YOU GET!

    SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Strategy

    The first step in any goal setting process is sometimes the scariest.  You have to DARE to dream. Don’t worry about anyone making fun of you.  These are your dreams, and you’re allowed to have them!

    So, when you dream about skating, where do your dreams take you?

    Use the space below to write out some of your dreams when it comes to your skating:

    Now that you’ve dared to dream, you have to do something even harder.  You have to ask yourself some hard questions about your dream.

    ACTIVITY #1: Try using these questions to help you assess if your dream is realistic.
    (Using a blank piece of paper, spend some time thinking of the answers to the questions    , and write them down.

    1. How realistic is this goal?  Check out the internet, google how many people have achieved it. Read about their journey, find out how long it took them and the obstacles they encountered.

    2. Am I really ready to make the changes necessary in my life to achieve this goal?

    3. Am I ready to make sacrifices along the way to achieve this goal?

    4. Am I ready mentally to handle the ups and downs/successes and failures I will encounter along the way as I work toward this goal?

    5. Will I have a good support system around me to help me achieve this goal? This includes, family, friends, coaches and teachers.

    6. Are the necessary facilities and coaching readily available in my area to achieve this goal, or do I have to look elsewhere for them?

    For our next step, take a look at the picture below and insert your DREAM GOAL.

    Now divide your dream goal up into do-able chunks by years to start.  We will use a three year plan here, but anything goes! Take some time and list the things you need to accomplish along the way to get there.

    Year One:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Two:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Three:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Note:  If you need more years to break your dream goal down, use a blank piece of paper or a journal to write down your thoughts.

    We’ve spent all this time thinking about our goals, and breaking them down into yearly steps, or increments.  So far so good!

    Here’s the next step:

    Now that we’ve painted in the larger strokes of our goal setting, it is time to follow our SuperS.T.A.R. guidelines once again and get even more specific.  For this phase, you now need to do your research, chat with your coaches and parents, and find out a whole lot of information.

    ACTIVITY #2: Using the Yearly Planning chart found after these questions, we are going to plan the dates and major events for each season. 

    Things you will need to know, or at least have a rough idea of are:

    · Start and end dates for each season. Make sure to start with the month that your year starts in, if you are competitive and skate/dance year round, this would be May/June  If not, this might be September/October.

    · Major life events, such as holidays, school trips, exams, or anything else that may require some of your time and focus away from skating (these are called INTERVENING VARIABLES) and you need to plan for them whenever possible and adjust your training schedule accordingly.

    · Test Days/Exam Days

    · Competitions—these can be divided into two groups:

    1. TRAINING competitions: where the whole idea is to go and get some feedback.  This means you will not be varying your training overly much to produce what we call a “peak”

    2. QUALIFYING competitions: These competitions are the priority, where you will be adjusting your training leading up to the event in order to help you feel ready and rested so you have every chance to turn in your absolute best performance. Put a star beside these on your Yearly Planning Chart!

    · Choreography, when is the best time for you to start working on new programs?

    · Dates you set aside in order to check your equipment, such as if you need your skates sharpened, or if you need new skates or dance shoes, or a new costume.

    · Dates you set aside to monitor your progress. (More on this a little later)

    These dates will help you as you plan your training for each season, so circle the important ones on the Yearly Planning Chart so you know when they are coming and where they sit in your year.

    Yearly Planning – Important Dates

    Year:   

                            The Importance of Assessment Days    

      

    Before we move on, we need to remember a crucial part of goal setting and planning:  ASSESSMENT DAYS!

    These are the days that you SPECIFICALLY SET ASIDE so you can go back through your week, month, season, or year, and take stock of how you did.

    This is part of what we call SELF-MONITORING – which is the ability for you to look at your strategy, and “tweak it as you go” so you can be more successful.

    Those people who are able to look at their strategies, analyse them, and tweak them are the people who end up seeing the most success and happiness in their careers.

    So, how do we know if we’ve achieved our goals?

    Ask yourself these questions:

    · Did you pass the tests/exams you had wanted to?

    · Did you achieve the performances you wanted to?

    · What about the specific elements in your skating or dancing, did you achieve those in the time frame you wanted to?

    IF YES, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    Did you achieve these things right on time, or WAY ahead of the time frame you allowed yourself? Did you feel a sense of accomplishment with your goals? If you achieved your goals too easily, you might want to make your next set of goals a little more difficult.   

    If you don’t challenge yourself, you limit your ability to grow and really see what you can do!

    IF NO, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    WHY didn’t you achieve the goals you wanted to accomplish? What do you need to change in terms of time, effort or strategies in order to complete these goals?

    Use failure to achieve goals as FUEL for the next round, and be more realistic in your next round of goal setting! There are assessment sheets at the back of this module, use them after every season!

    Now that we have our list of important dates, we can move forward with breaking down our first year!

    AGAIN: It’s important to  pick the season where your year starts.  Example, for a competitive skater, the year starts in the spring.  For a recreational skater, your year may start in the summer if you summer skate, or in the fall if you do not.  This is where it’s important to know what you can give and commit  in order to make your dreams come true. We are going to pick YEAR ONE.

    ACTIVITY #3: Using the following template, break into groups, or pairs and help each other fill out ONE TEMPLATE PER SEASON.

    Use this template to write out your goals for each season.  Take your time and really break things down.

    Hint:  It helps to work backwards, if you know you want to be able to land an axel 3/3 attempts by your third skating season, (if you only skate three seasons a year) then by the end of your second season you should be able to land 2/3 axels clean and by the end of the first, you should aim for 1/3 landed.

    SEASON ONE:                    

    Date Begins:                                        # of Weeks:                          

    TEST GOALS:                                                                                                                                                                        

    COMPETITIVE GOALS:

    PROCESS GOALS: (goals you want to achieve as you work every day toward your larger goals)

    JUMP ELEMENTS:

    SPIN ELEMENTS:

    PROGRAMS:

    OTHER:

    EQUIPMENT/COSTUME NEEDS:

    INTERVENING VARIABLES:

    (these are things that may disrupt your training, like exams, vacations, etc, so adjust your goals accordingly)


    As you set out your goals for each season, make sure to revisit your SuperS.T.A.R. goal setting guidelines!

    Now that you have all of your goals for every season planned out, the next step is to use these goals to break down each season into monthly and weekly sections so you can more easily keep track of your progress and you can adjust your training as you go.

    Keep your eyes peeled for the “SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Part Two” blog when it comes out for more information about how to organize your skating or dancing year so you can be the best skater you can be!

    Note:  make sure that at the end of every season you sit down either by yourself, in a group or with your coach and use the assessment sheet template provided below to really see how you’re doing, what’s going really well, and what you can do better. 

    Assessment days are a real opportunity to gain valuable feedback about your training and how you can tweak it to progress faster!

    I hope this blog and the goal setting ideas and exercises help you to better plan your skating or dancing journey, and help you enjoy the ride! Remember, these principles apply to any sport, and can easily be applicable for competitive cheerleading and gymnastics too!

    Do you have any helpful goal setting tips you’ve used for your athletes? If you’re an athlete, what works best for you in terms of goal setting?

  • Feedback: The Highs, the Lows and the In-Betweens

    Feedback: The Highs, the Lows and the In-Betweens

    It’s not an understatement to say that the ability to give positive, timely and helpful feedback in the right manner at the right time can be a game changer for young athletes and differentiates the good coaches from the best coaches. As a coach with thirty years experience, I can safely say that I am always upping my “feedback game”, constantly assessing how I give feedback to my students, and adding to my “toolbox” so I can be the best I can be and offer them the best instruction and motivation possible.

    Feedback in coaching is also called “Knowledge of Performance” or KP and is the term used for communicating technical information about the performance of a skill in order to help the athlete progress and improve in said skill or sport. It’s important to note that feedback works best when you are giving information about the “execution of the skill itself” and NOT the results of the performance, which is termed Knowledge of Results or KR. Knowledge of Results deals with such things as a skaters grade of execution on a jump, their overall placement in a competition, or a swimmer’s time in a race.

    Why is it important that we give feedback on an athlete’s performance you ask? Well, because that is the thing that an athlete CAN CONTROL. We can’t change the points we receive from a judge for a particular jump, but we CAN work hard on the take-off of a jump so that we improve the overall jump performance, which would then increase the points we receive by default.

    Feedback isn’t a one size fits all, and it’s important to remember that you have to adjust your approach to fit the learning style and personality of each individual student you work with. Over the years, I’ve found that there are a few “tried-and-true” feedback principles that have served me well as I strove to give my athletes the best I had to give.

    Below is my list of the most basic principles of feedback that I’ve found to work over my coaching career. Now, I love a good psychological abstract as much as the next gal, (sarcasm intended) but for the purpose of keeping this readable and easily applicable in the field for new coaches, I will endeavor to keep these principles short and to the point.

    Disclaimer: Before going any further, you should know that I have made every single mistake possible in terms of when, where and how to give feedback, and I am still a work in process. I use these particular principles because I have made countless mistakes and missteps in the feedback department and those mistakes helped me to learn what works and what doesn’t.

    Addendum to disclaimer: All of these principles apply when coaching neurotypical athletes and children. Over the years I have worked closely with athletes with conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, and learning disabilities, not to mention, now I am the parent of a seven year old daughter with all of these challenges. How we give feedback to these athletes needs to be VERY different than how we work with neurotypical athletes, and I will address that in my next blog.

    FEEDBACK MUST BE POSITIVE. Well……duh! Most of you experienced coaches reading this are saying this in your head, and I know it’s pretty basic, but it needs to be repeated. I can’t stress enough the importance of keeping feedback as positive as humanly possible. So, how exactly do you keep it positive? Well, I like to think in terms of ratios of positive to negative comments. And this is where it gets tricky and depends on the personality of each athlete. I’ll show you what I mean.

    • If an athlete is supremely self-confident and task oriented, they respond best to one piece of positive praise to one piece of technical critique or correction. When I get athletes like this I always like to use what I call the Reverse But….. (no, this isn’t J-Lo walking backwards). It’s a well known fact that when you use the word “but” in a sentence, you are sending the listener the message that everything before the word “but” wasn’t important, but everything after is what you really think or feel. (Thanks to Dr. Phil for clarifying that in his many episodes…..he’s a font of great information…don’t get me started on his two-sides to a flapjack analogy.) So, when I have an athlete or child that responds best to the 1:1 positive/negative ratio of feedback I ALWAYS put the negative first, and I use the word “but” before the positive. So it might sound like this:

    “I know that the take off of the flying camel got a little out of control because you weren’t balanced over they entry edge, but you recovered very nicely, finished the fly AND got your revs in, so good for you!”

    This works like a charm, I acknowledge the mistake, therefore being honest about what we need to work on and maintaining my credibility with the athlete, but in using the word but, (see what I did there) I am subconsciously cuing them to focus on the final, positive part of my feedback.

    • If an athlete needs a little more self-esteem building, but is still fairly self-confident, then I use the 2:1 positive to negative feedback ratio. I like to use the “sandwich” or “hamburger” strategy, where you sandwich a patty of correction between two yummy buns of positivity. (As I write this I’m thinking it sounds a little too suggestive for a blog about young athletes, but at least it will stick with you). An example of this would be to say something like, “wow Sally, you gave such a wonderful effort out there, I was really impressed! I think you got a little confused on the transition steps into your double flip, which slowed you down on the entry, but that’s an easy fix, and once we work on it a little more, your flip will be fantastic. Good for you! (Notice my use of the Reverse But there too…..you’re never going to look at J-Lo the same way again….sorry, not sorry;)
    • If you have an athlete that needs a lot of building up, than you must increase the number of positives to every negative until you find the magic number that works for them. How do you know it’s working? Well, watch their face as you give them corrections for one, and see if they take the feedback to heart and apply it for the other. I used to have a skater that was the shyest, most sensitive little girl I have ever worked with. I LITERALLY had to give her 10 nuggets of praise for every one technical critique, and then had to follow up with at least 3 other positives. I kid you not, if I didn’t she would cry, and it got worse as she approached her teen years and closer to puberty…(damn hormones).

    So to summarize the point I am making about positivity, if you want to get the most out of your athletes, and make their (and your) experience the best it can possibly be, then take the time to figure out that their magic ratio when giving feedback.

    FEEDBACK MUST BE HONEST. Seriously. Kids are the best bullshit lie detectors. EVER. Look, as much as you hurt for them when they have a less than stellar performance, and you want to pump them up, your feedback MUST be sincere. If you just try to blow smoke to make them feel better, your athlete will figure it out, and you will lose credibility in their eyes.

    I’ll say it again. If you are less than honest with your athletes they will know, and they will trust you less.

    That doesn’t mean you have to be mean. Just be honest. If they had a bad day, acknowledge that it was a bad day. But remind them that tomorrow is another day, and make them revisit all of the technical things they CAN do well so they feel confident enough to rebound and re-group to fight again.

    PRAISE IN PUBLIC, PUNISH IN PRIVATE. (clarification: I’m using the term punishment to talk about giving corrections and feedback about performance, not actual physical punishment) I’ve seen it too many times to count, and done it more than I wish to remember. How many times have you watched a group of athletes performing a routine, or a skill, or a drill, and shouted out corrections to individuals as they are performing, in front of everyone who could hear you, their peers, their parents, and anyone watching the practice.

    How do you think it makes an athlete feel to get called out like that in front of everyone? How would you feel? Centering out athletes for criticism in front of their peers is humiliating for the athlete, no matter how you deliver the critique. Instead, shout out praise to individual members of the group for the skills they ARE DOING WELL. Then, AFTER the skill, drill or performance, pull each team member aside and give them some constructive feedback individually. This becomes especially important when dealing with neuroatypical athletes. More on that in my next blog.

    THE WHEN IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE HOW. How many times have you seen a coach yell out corrections or feedback AS their athletes are performing a skill. I do it. We all do it. Years ago, when Madonna was still socially relevant, coaches of a certain age (cough, cough) were taught that feedback should be immediate….in fact, if my aging memory is correct, I remember more than one coaching course in the 80’s touting the benefits of providing feedback within 3-4 seconds of skill acquisition. You know who instantaneous feedback benefits? You….the coach. That’s who. It makes us feel better, it makes us feel in control, and it makes us feel like we are doing something to help.

    In reality, our athletes are busy processing all of the information and signals necessary to form the motor neurons necessary for that skill. Nine times out of ten, they DON’T EVEN HEAR our cues or corrections.

    Think of it this way. Our bodies are supercomputers. When we want to perform a skill, we have to build the circuitry and the program required to execute that skill. If your computer has frozen, repeatedly yelling “Download now! Download now!” at it is NOT. GOING. TO. HELP. Why? Because it is still processing.

    Let your athletes process in peace.

    Look, I’d like to believe that when I yell out cues to my students as they are practicing a skill that it helps, and it may help in the short term, but let’s be honest……most of the time it just makes me feel more in control of the situation, and helps me channel my thoughts and nerves, especially when they are performing at a competition and it is now totally out of my control and in their hands.

    I have found it is best to wait until a skill has been performed and the skater has had time to process their internal feelings and reactions to the attempt. I will ask them “how did that feel?” and I will even go so far as asking them if they had to rate that performance out of ten where they would rate it. Next, I ask my athletes if they felt there was anything they would like to fix or adjust to make it better. Only after that “de-brief” do I weigh in with my feedback, which I keep short and to the point.

    WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. There’s a line in a movie called the “Upside of Anger” that sometimes reminds me of myself and my coaching style. It goes something like this: “You would try the patience of a saint, and I’m not a patient mother@#$%er.” I am one of those coaches that expects their students to be mindful. I expect them to give me 150% in our lessons, AND I also expect them to incorporate the feedback and training plans I give them into their everyday practice.

    Combine that with a VERY expressive face and a very cartoon like teaching style……weeeeelllll….let’s just say when I’ve told a student for the 10,000th time to try a specific correction and they still don’t incorporate it….I feel FRUSTRATED. And my face and body can show it! It’s my coaching Achilles Heel.

    You know what. It’s okay to feel frustrated. It means that, as a coach, you care. I’ll take a coach that cares too much over one that is apathetic ANY DAY, BUT I have to be careful to not show that frustration on my face, or in my body stance or posture. Kids pick up on our facial expressions, and they can tell when we are frustrated or angry with them. No matter WHAT you are feeling on the inside, present a calm exterior. No athlete wants to feel like they have angered or disappointed their coach, it affects their self-esteem, and their motivation to take risks in the future.

    FOLLOW UP. Too often, coaches give feedback or corrections to skaters, then they leave it there, expecting their skaters to incorporate it as if by magic. Remember, the younger your athlete is, the more they will need your help incorporating that feedback into their training. Give your athlete suggestions about how to apply your advice, and then FOLLOW UP with them as many times as necessary to see if they are adhering to the plan. So, it might look something like this:

    “Susan! Wow, I was really impressed with the height of that salchow, AND you fully rotated it, so great job! There was a little loss of flow on the landing because you weren’t in a strong air position, and I think it is because you let your free side get out of control on the take off. What do you think about tweaking your practice plan this week to add some one foot salchow/salchow exercises to help control that? Do you think you could do that, then show me your practice plan with what days and how many times you can work on that? I know that when you spend a little time tweaking it, you’ll be more balanced on take off, and have a better air position, which will allow for more flow on the landing.”

    Once I have made the skater accountable for their progress, I then make a plan to check on how they want to incorporate it. I will also CHECK through-out the week to see if they have been following their plan.

    As you can see, there are many things to consider when you give feedback to your athletes, and I hope that some of my tips can help you in your coaching practice. There are so many great articles out there that can help you brush up on your feedback game, check out this one from the Coaching Association of Canada.

    In my next blog, I’ll talk about how important it is to adjust your “feedback game” when working with neuroatypical athletes. From my personal experience and observations, too many coaches are unaware of how conditions such as ADHD, Learning Disabilities and Anxiety affect athletes, and how they as coaches need to change their coaching style to make modifications and accommodations for them. What’s even worse, as a parent, I’ve seen too many coaches who are unwilling to even educate themselves about what these differences are and how they can best help.

    What about you? What are your best tips on giving feedback from your own experience?

  • Skating Clubs: What Makes a Good Executive?

    Skating Clubs: What Makes a Good Executive?

    A skating club executive sets the tone for the rest of its membership; how the people on the executive treat each other, the skaters, the coaches and the parents who participate in their club determines the climate and culture for the entire organization.

    I have noticed over my years teaching in many different clubs there are certain things that successful club executives have in common. 

    After compiling a list, I’ve whittled it down to ten important traits for any skating club executive to create, grow a and nurture a positive and successful culture.

    •  They Listen

    Successful club executives listen to their membership.  Even if they don’t agree with everything they hear, they are always ready to listen, understand and empathize.  To know that your opinion is respected and valued by those at the highest level of any organization is a powerful thing.  It fosters good will from all members and encourages them to have more ownership in the direction and success of that organization.

    • They Know They Don’t Know Everything

    Successful club executives realize they don’t know everything about figure skating, and that’s okay. A healthy Board of Directors is always willing to learn new things and grow in new directions, and they aren’t afraid to ask for help and advice, particularly utilizing the extensive knowledge found within their coaching staff.  If the people at the top levels of the organization have a growth mindset, this will filter down to all levels of membership. Check out more about Mindset by reading my book review here. 

    •  They Don’t Lose Sight of the Forest for the Trees

    A successful club executive realizes that sometimes the spirit of the law is more important than the letter of the law.  Sometimes, blind adherence to rules and regulations that restrict an athletes’ ability to gain the ice time they need or participate in the programs necessary to progress can be detrimental to skaters, coaches and the health and longevity of the club in general.  The bigger picture must always be taken into consideration.

    •  They Defer to the Coaches in All Things Skating

    Would you go to your child’s school and sit in on the teacher’s class, critiquing the curriculum and their teaching methods?  A strong executive doesn’t micromanage their coaching staff.  They allow them to develop and implement the programs as they see fit, and they support them along the way.  When coaches feel valued and appreciated, their loyalty, commitment, and job appreciation grows exponentially.

    •  They Do their Jobs Well

    If a skating club is to be run well, those at the executive level must know the roles and responsibilities of their positions and execute those duties efficiently.  This means attending meetings regularly, and educating themselves in the role they have been elected for. When everyone knows what they are supposed to do, a club runs at maximum efficiency.

    •  They Communicate Regularly and Effectively

    A strong youth organization will spare no expense to communicate to its members in a timely, organized and knowledgeable fashion.  When people have the information they need, before they even realize they need it, they trust that their needs are being met and are more likely to stick with that organization.  Knowledge of procedures, registration dates, session regulations, etc. creates a feeling of security and control and makes for a club that runs like a well-oiled machine.

    •  They Acknowledge and Reward Good Work

    There’s nothing worse than feeing like you are not seen, heard or valued for your efforts and contributions.  Those clubs that recognize initiative, creativity, dedication, hard work and loyalty create a workplace for coaches and a training environment for athletes that is dynamic, supportive and positive. This positivity and support encourages people to continue stepping outside of the box, creating new programs and initiatives that further the sport.  In short, positivity breeds positivity, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in any organization.

    • They Always Look at the “Big Picture”

    Call it vision, call it a mission statement, but whatever you call it, it matters.  A successful board of directors of any skating club will spend some time on creating a shared vision for it’s members, and they revisit this vision on a regular basis, making sure to communicate this mandate to their membership often and consistently.  Every decision must then be compared with the goals and philosophy of the club’s vision, and every decision must benefit as many people as possible.  It sounds like a simple thing, but having a shared vision is vital to the longevity, growth and success of every single skating club or youth organization.

    • They Lead by Example

    There are two types of people in this world; those who talk the talk, and those who walk the walk.  If you want to create a club where everyone treats people with honour, integrity and respect, then you had better lead by example and treat your membership this way.  As coaches, we are always aware that we must model the behaviour we would like to see from our students; club executives need to do the same.  If you lead with kindness, integrity and inclusiveness, these values will trickle down to every part of the club structure.

    • They are Transparent

    Nothing good ever grows in the dark.  (except maybe, mushrooms, I LOVE mushrooms, especially in a great white wine and garlic sauce…but I digress) The Executive of ANY youth organization needs to be absolutely and utterly transparent in every part of it’s process.  Reasons for decisions made need to be made public, along with milestones achieved, money spent, and any other topic or issue that affects the membership in any way.  It’s simply good business.

    As simple as these ten characteristics sound, it is rare to find a skating club that incorporates them on a regular basis.  Those that do stand out.  Those that don’t fail to thrive, often cycling through coaching staff and losing skaters on a regular basis.  It would be beneficial of every new club executive to thoroughly educate themselves on the sport AND these attributes if they want to provide an optimum climate for athletes to enjoy their skating journeys.

    Do you have any other characteristics you’ve found that make for a supportive and growth minded skating club? Share in the comments below!

  • A Book Review of “InSideOut Coaching, How Sports Can Transform Lives” by Joe Ehrmann

    A Book Review of “InSideOut Coaching, How Sports Can Transform Lives” by Joe Ehrmann

    Product:  InSideOut Coaching, How Sports Can Transform Lives by Joe Ehrmann

    Price:  Kindle Price CDN $24.99

    Cheapest Place to Buy:  Amazon.ca

    My Rating: 9 /10

    Overview:  Anyone who has ever grown up inside the belly of organized sport can attest to the many valuable lessons taught daily to those who participate.  Sports, both competitive and recreational, can impact young bodies and minds in ways that are immeasurable. 

    However, sport also provides an arena where harm can and often is meted out to those who play by those who often have the greatest influence on them: their coaches.

    Joe Ehrmann dissects the good, the bad and the ugly in organized sports specifically in the field of coaching. Through sharing his own experiences in life and in sport, Ehrmann achingly details how young and fragile youth can be further victimized by well meaning but unwitting coaches; coaches who are trying to work out their own issues but instead end up projecting these issues on players.

    Thought provoking and often disturbing, (warning; there may be triggers for sexual assault victims in reading this book), the author courageously illustrates how certain pivotal and traumatic life events created a foundation of vulnerability and sadness, which left him open to be influenced for the greater good, or, unfortunately, greater harm by his coaches.

    Joe Ehrmann leaves no stone unturned as he navigates the complicated waters of inter-relationships in sport.  Between outdated stereotypes of masculine and feminine roles, win-at-all costs sport culture, the stresses of the times we live in, familial dysfunction, and lack of values-based coaching, he paints a comprehensive picture of the problems young athletes face today and what coaches can do to help them successfully chart their own course.

    Starting with each coach turning their reflection inward by focusing on their own personal demons, and finishing with a complete road map for how to create your own InSideOut Coaching culture, this book shines a light on every nook and cranny of the coaching world.

    Best Feature of the Book:  The author writes this book in a very organized step-by-step way, first detailing the turning point in his life that started him on the “InSideOut” journey, next breaking down the positive and negative interactions and revelations into thoughtful and easy to understand categories within the sport continuum, and finally, detailing the steps he took to re-create the sport model with his newfound knowledge. This provides a very easy to follow narrative with a clear road map to incorporating the ideas he presents.

    Pros:  There are very few books that deal specifically with the coach-athlete interaction and the profound affect it can have on young people.  Ehrmann takes his wealth of experience and helps each of us see (either through the lens of the athlete or the lens of the coach) our own strengths and weaknesses.  Ehrmann then helps us clarify what we need to fix, and gently leads us to our own conclusions about the steps we can take to be better, simply by setting the example for us to follow.

    Cons:  While I enjoyed Ehrmann’s writing style, I found sometimes he spent too long on topics, often to the point of redundancy.  There were times where I as a reader had received the message and was ready to move on to the next chapter, and he was still fleshing out the point at hand with more examples.  However, this is more likely attributed to my get-it-done attitude than anything else and certainly did nothing to take away from the overall message.

    The other con I found while reading this book is it will trigger some negative memories.  As a victim of abuse, both inside and outside of sport, and more specifically, as someone damaged by transactional coaching, reading this book did bring back some of the old fear, anxiety, guilt and sadness related to those memories. However, just knowing that I wasn’t the only one that had these experiences was enough to help me get through them with some valuable insight and understanding.

    Conclusion:  If you want to be a better coach, for yourself, and for all the young men and women you can and will influence over the course of your career, you need to read this book.

  • Walking a Tightrope Between Parent of a Child with ADHD and Dance Mom

    Walking a Tightrope Between Parent of a Child with ADHD and Dance Mom

    I always knew my daughter was different, right from the womb. Not better or worse, just different. People tried to normalize her activity level, her issues with socialization, and her fears as “all kids have fears” but I knew she was different right from the get go.

    So now that we have a formal diagnosis of ADHD and anxiety, I am in the process of deciding whether to medicate for the ADHD symptoms, which is a dilemma in itself. ( I am convinced she is also gifted, and there may be other learning issues, but as we don’t have benefits there is no way I can afford a psycho-educational assessment right now.)

    I am a single parent. I work three jobs and home school my daughter because attending normal school became untenable….she suffered bullying and difficulties through out her first three years into grade 1, so much so that her physical symptoms of school avoidance, tummy aches, nightmares, outbursts, and constipation were dominating our lives.

    WHEN YOUR 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER STARTS TO TALK ABOUT KILLING HERSELF BECAUSE SHE WILL NEVER HAVE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL, YOUR HEART SHATTERS.

    But, I did my best to manage the symptoms of anxiety, because through junior and senior kindergarten, she was described as a “rock star” by her teachers, so I saw that there was value from her attending school.

    I should have known not to get complacent.

    Within a month of starting grade 1, my amazingly brilliant child who I couldn’t keep up with at home in regards to her curiosity and thirst for knowledge was suddenly behind in everything when the education style moved from learner driven to curriculum driven in grade 1. Suddenly, over the course of one summer, she went from being a “rock star” to being behind in every subject.

    It’s been a bumpy, ride, and I couldn’t love my daughter more. She is brilliant, and funny, and a true performer, and a caring and sweet little girl.

    But, she is exhausting. And I feel guilty for feeling exhausted by her…it’s a never ending cycle…lol. ( I laugh because if I cry I will never stop, and laughing is better)

    Today, I’d like to talk about my current dilemma in our neuroatypical saga.

    Photo by Skitterphoto from Pexels

    My daughter is a competitive dancer, and here’s my concern. We have been been four years at the same dance studio. She has been competing on the performance group for 3 of those years. She has been a performer from birth and she shines when she is in the spotlight.

    I have also found that she does better socializing in her dance group because they are all there for a common goal and they have constant direction in their lessons, so it is easier for her to read social cues and navigate the landscape.

    Not to mention the outlet for her creativity and energy is a godsend.

    But there are issues. My daughter is hypersensitive, and always has been. Things that would not bother other kids will bring her to tears and she will fixate on them for weeks.

    Several of her instructors give feedback in ways that I do not deem appropriate.

    Now, a little background on me. I am a national level figure skating coach with a degree in Kinesiology. I have been coaching for 30 years and my life’s work has been all about learning how to teach young students, and how to give feedback. I have lost count of the papers I have written and the other coaches I have mentored in terms of helping them learn how to coach young athletes, and I myself never stop learning and trying to better myself and how I teach my skaters.

    So I know what I am talking about when I see feedback given in a manner that is not conducive to building self-esteem.

    And I feel that these particular teachers need to be aware that some of their dancers are not good with always being told negative things with no positive to balance them, or being singled out publicly when they are corrected.

    This is hard to handle for a neurotypical athlete, let alone an athlete with my daughters issues.

    I have emailed constructive feedback, asking for some compromise in how feedback is given. I have also worked consistently with the studio in terms of sharing my daughters issues and her diagnosis. I have given them a wonderful website with a list of coaches strategies for working with athletes with ADHD and anxiety, and I have countless one on ones with the instructors. I have bought private lessons for my daughter to help her with the smaller details of dance and her focus (group lessons are hard for her due to so much going on).

    The problem is, nothing is changing. She still feels singled out. She still struggles with the way the instructors teach, and the studio is extremely disorganized. I can never be sure the information I give to the owner/director is being passed down to the teachers. Her private lessons were discontinued due to scheduling on their end, and despite repeated attempts to re-book, because my daughter loves them and they help her tremendously, nothing has been done.

    I know that this is likely to be an issue at most dance studios, because from my experience, most coaches are not well-versed on the differences between neurotypical and neuroatypical athletes. If we change studios, it becomes a 45 minute drive to find a new one, and I am already stretched to the limit.

    Photo by Alexander Dummer

    I’m at a loss. I feel like that parent that always has to advocate, and I catch myself wondering how much I have to help her to get accommodations for her issues and how much I should just tell her that there are always different kinds of coaches and you have to learn how to deal with criticism if you want to get better.

    To add insult to injury, the issue of feedback is only one of the many problems I have had where the teachers and instructors fail to heed my concerns about things that cause my daughter excess hardship in practice; things such as playing the music so loud that she has to cover her ears and cringe during practice and, yet, they still. won’t. turn. it. down.

    My daughter and I talk about the value of hard-work, goal setting, losing as an opportunity to get better and above all, enjoying the process and having fun ALL the time. I have gone to great lengths to show respect for the studio and all the teachers in front of her and use our conversations as a way to model good sportsmanship and coping skills, but secretly, I am fuming and feeling like the studio is utterly incapable of handling a special needs athlete.

    I’m really having trouble finding the balance between mom, coach and dance parent, and worse, I feel singled out, blamed and shamed every time I try to advocate for her. To be fair, I don’t think that is anyone’s intent, they do their best, but that is how it comes across to me.

    So I will continue to hold my arms out, and do my best to balance on the tightrope that is now my life, wavering back and forth between dance mom, coach, and parent of a special needs child.

    Do you have any stories to share about your neuroatypical child and the obstacles you’ve faced? Feel free to share in the comments!