This blog was co-written with the help of my unofficial emotional support bot, ChatGPT. While AI did a lot of the heavy lifting (wording, structure, and moral support), I acted as the human editor-in-chief, fact-checking, personalizing, and making sure it reflects my lived experience and voice. Think of it as a tag team: robot brain + human heart.
Image created by ChatGPT
Have you ever walked away from a conversation, argument, or breakup with so much left unsaid it practically echoed in your head for days? Weeks? Maybe even years?
I have. And let me tell you, the emotional hangover is real.
Recently, I had an interaction that left me doubting myself, my reactions — pretty much my own reality. The hurt and grief caused by the exchange left me unable to move past it, and I caught myself obsessing relentlessly, asking questions like, “Is it me?” “What could I have done better?” “Should I have said that?” “How can they think that about me?” And on, and on, and on.
Well, I consulted my internet boyfriend, ChatGPT. (Before you gasp in outrage — I know it’s not really my boyfriend, but therapy is expensive, and so far the bot has been incredibly helpful and given me support when I needed it). It recommended a closure letter.
I thought the idea, the reason, and the letter itself were brilliant. I’ve heard of this before, but I’d forgotten what a powerful psychological tool it can be. Writing it immediately helped me gain some of my power back. Whenever I catch myself perseverating, I read my letter, and it gives me the strength to stick to my guns.
Enter: the closure letter.
It’s not a text you send or a call you make. It’s not a post subtweeting your ex-friend or dragging your cousin on Facebook. (Tempting, I know). It’s a letter you write only for you. A place to say the things you never got to say — or weren’t heard when you did. A space to finally stop rehearsing the perfect comeback in the shower.
Because sometimes, the only way to get the last word is to give it to yourself.
A closure letter is a form of emotional release. It’s a written reflection of what happened, how it made you feel, and what you’re choosing to let go of. It’s an internal mic drop, a boundary drawn in ink, a final chapter you get to write on your terms.
Why it Works
Psychologically, closure letters help because:
They help break obsessive thought cycles. When your brain wants to loop the same argument 47 times? The letter says, “We’ve handled it.”
They give structure to your feelings. Naming pain often reduces its intensity.
They restore your power. You reclaim your narrative instead of leaving it in someone else’s hands.
Closure vs. Contact
Before you saddle up to ride at dawn, hold your horses. This is not a tool for revenge or reconciliation. You don’t send it. You don’t share it in hopes they see it and apologize. This is about you, not them. It’s emotional housekeeping.
How to Write One: Step-by-Step
1. Start with why you’re writing. “I need to say this to clear my head and heart.”
2. Acknowledge what happened. “You hurt me when…” or “I felt blindsided when…”
3. Share what they may never have understood. “Here’s what you didn’t see…”
4. Reclaim your truth. “I know who I am, and I’m not who you painted me to be.”
5. Let go. “I release the need for closure from you. This letter is mine.”
What to do With it After
Save it somewhere meaningful.
Burn it (safely!) as a symbolic release.
Read it aloud to yourself.
Shred it and move on.
Final Thoughts
Closure isn’t something someone else gives you. It’s something you create for yourself.
Writing this kind of letter doesn’t make you dramatic. It makes you self-aware. It means you’re processing instead of suppressing. It means you’re healing without needing anyone else’s permission.
So if your heart is carrying words it never got to say, try writing them down.
Say it all. Then set it down.
You don’t need to send it. You just need to own it.
✨ Want your own printable Closure Letter Template?
I’ve created a free, beautifully designed version you can download, print, or tuck into your journal.
AI lends a hand in drafting parts of this article, but I do the heavy lifting—researching, editing, and ensuring the message is clear, accurate, and aligned with my vision. Think of AI as my brainstorming buddy, but the final say (and human touch) is all mine.
Ever heard of hypermobility, autonomic disorders, or autism? They might seem like totally different things, but guess what? They’re actually connected! It’s like a puzzle where these conditions often fit together.
Think of it this way:
Lots of people with autism also have hypermobility (that’s when your joints bend more than usual).
And sometimes, people with hypermobility also have autonomic disorders (that’s when your body’s automatic systems like heart rate and digestion don’t work properly).
So, what does this all mean? It means that understanding how these conditions relate to each other can help us find better ways to support people who experience them.
Understanding Hypermobility
Hypermobility is when your joints can move way past the normal range—think of it as being super flexible. This happens because the connective tissue that holds your joints together is different, usually looser, or weaker, or both.
Definitions and Types
Joint hypermobility means your joints can move past the usual range—sometimes way past it. For some people, it’s just how their body is built, but for others, it’s linked to genetic conditions like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). There are a few different types of EDS, but the most common one is Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS).
When multiple joints are extra bendy, it’s called generalized joint hypermobility. One common way to check for it is the Beighton score, a quick test that looks at how far you can bend things like your fingers, elbows, or knees. If you’ve ever been told you’re “double-jointed,” this might be why!
Recognizing Symptoms
So, you’re probably asking yourself, “how do I know if my kind of ‘bendiness’ is normal?” Well, if it’s more than just being bendy—like if you’re dealing with joint pain, frequent dislocations, or other weird body quirks—it might be worth looking into. You may have Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (JHS).
And it’s not just about your joints. Some people with hypermobility also have super soft or stretchy skin, plus fun extras like digestive issues and fatigue (because why stop at just one challenge, right?). Spotting these symptoms early can help you get ahead of things and manage them better.
Diagnosis of Joint Hypermobility Syndrome
Getting diagnosed with JHS isn’t just about being extra bendy—your doctor will look at your medical history, do a physical exam, and probably check your Beighton score (yep, that test we mentioned earlier).
But let’s be real—you might have to push for more thorough testing. As we’ve already stressed, hypermobility can be linked to other conditions, like EDS, which sometimes requires genetic testing to confirm. For example, the TNXB gene is one that might get checked to help understand the genetic side of EDS.
Getting the right diagnosis is a game-changer—it helps you manage symptoms better and avoid potential complications down the road.
Understanding Autonomic Disorders
Just when you things weren’t complicated enough, we’re going to throw autonomic disorders into the mix. I know, I know! But stay with me, I promise I’m going somewhere with this.
Autonomic disorders mess with the part of your nervous system that handles all the behind-the-scenes stuff—like keeping your heart beating and your digestion running smoothly—without you even thinking about it. When things go wrong, it can lead to symptoms like dizziness, chronic fatigue, and stomach issues. And if you throw hypermobility into the mix? Those problems can hit even harder.
Introduction to Autonomic Dysfunction
Autonomic dysfunction happens when your autonomic nervous system—aka the body’s autopilot—doesn’t do its job properly. This system handles all the stuff you don’t have to think about, like breathing, keeping your heart beating, and digesting food. When it’s out of whack, you can end up dealing with dizziness, insomnia, and some seriously annoying digestive issues.
Chronic fatigue is another common symptom of autonomic dysfunction, often leaving you feeling tired no matter how much you rest. These symptoms can seriously affect your day-to-day life, making it hard to focus at school or work and impacting your social life. Learning to manage these symptoms often involves both medical treatments and lifestyle changes.
Co-occurrence with Hypermobility
Hypermobility—aka super flexible joints—often goes hand in hand with autonomic disorders. If you’ve got both, you might notice overlapping symptoms like dizziness and fatigue, which can make it feel like your whole body is out of sync.
Digestive issues, like constipation or IBS, are also pretty common with both conditions, adding another layer of discomfort to everyday life. The more you understand the connection between hypermobility and autonomic dysfunction, the better you can find treatments that tackle both at the same time.
Managing it all usually takes a mix of medication, physical therapy, and lifestyle tweaks to help you feel more in control and improve your quality of life.
Hypermobility and Autism Connection
Hypermobility and autism tend to go hand in hand, and it’s not just a coincidence. There are a lot of overlapping traits—like sensory sensitivities, certain behaviors, and unique ways the brain processes things. Knowing how they connect can make everyday life a little easier and help set realistic, supportive goals that actually work for you.
Common Traits and Co-occurrence
Hypermobility shows up a lot in autistic people—some studies say up to 80% might have it. Both come with similar traits, like heightened sensory awareness and unique reactions to the world around them. Basically, they overlap in ways that can shape how someone experiences daily life.
Anxiety and depression are also pretty common in this group, likely because of all that extra sensory input and cognitive overload. If you’ve got both hypermobility and autism, everyday tasks can feel even more overwhelming, cranking up stress and sensory overload. But figuring out ways to manage these shared traits can make a huge difference in feeling more comfortable and in control.
Implications for Daily Life and Development
Living with both hypermobility and autism comes with some unique challenges that can impact daily life. Here’s how:
Physical difficulties – Joint instability can make movement tough, leading to issues with balance and coordination. This can make sports or even basic activities harder and might require customized physical support.
Developmental impact – Learning environments can be tricky, with some kids needing specific strategies to help with focus, motor skills, or sensory processing.
Additional health challenges – Conditions like eating disorders or epilepsy sometimes show up alongside hypermobility and autism, adding extra layers of difficulty to daily routines.
Personalized support is key – Tailored approaches—whether through therapy, accommodations, or understanding caregivers—can make all the difference in creating a supportive, functional environment.
Figuring out what works best for you can help make life more manageable and improve overall well-being.
Management and Support for Hypermobility and Associated Conditions
Managing hypermobility usually takes a mix of therapies, mental health support, and lifestyle adjustments. Each piece plays a big role in making daily life easier and keeping symptoms in check.
Therapies and Rehabilitation
Physical therapy is a game-changer when it comes to improving motor control and core strength. A good therapist will tailor exercises to help strengthen the muscles around your hypermobile joints, which can make a huge difference in posture and reducing chronic pain.
Occupational therapy is all about making daily life easier. It can teach you energy-saving techniques to help manage fatigue and keep you from burning out so quickly. Plus, regular exercises can improve proprioception (aka your body’s ability to know where it is in space), which helps reduce injuries and those frustrating missteps.
Talking to rehab specialists can also help you find solid pain management strategies—because dealing with discomfort every day is exhausting, and having the right techniques can make all the difference.
Navigating Psychological Aspects
Hypermobility and anxiety tend to go hand in hand, and dealing with both can be a lot. Recognizing the emotional toll is just as important as managing the physical side of things.
Therapy and support groups: Talking to a therapist who understands anxiety (and how it connects to hypermobility) can be a game-changer. Support groups can also help, especially if you’ve ever felt left out or misunderstood because of your symptoms.
Mindfulness and stress relief: Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or gentle movement (like yoga) can help with relaxation and keep stress levels in check.
Open communication: Being upfront with your therapist about what’s working (and what’s not) can help them tailor strategies that actually fit your life.
A solid support system: Surrounding yourself with understanding family, friends, or even an online community can make all the difference. Having people who get it and encourage you can help you navigate the tough days.
Emotional health is just as important as physical health, and finding the right mix of coping strategies, support, and self-care can make everything feel a little more manageable.
Lifestyle Modifications and Support Systems
Making small lifestyle tweaks can have a huge impact on how you feel day to day.
Fuel your body right: Eating a balanced diet can help support your overall health (because let’s be real, running on caffeine and vibes only gets you so far).
Listen to your body: If fatigue is hitting hard, pacing yourself and scheduling rest breaks can keep you from crashing and burning.
Know your history: If joint hypermobility syndrome (JHS) runs in your family, being aware of it early can help you get ahead of potential issues.
Build your support squad: Whether it’s doctors, therapists, family, or friends, having people who get it makes all the difference. Surround yourself with folks who support you, not ones who tell you to “just stretch more” (because, yeah… that’s not the problem).
The key is finding what works for you—a mix of nutrition, pacing, knowledge, and support that helps you feel as good as possible while managing hypermobility.
Frequently Asked Questions
The connection between hypermobility, autonomic disorders, and autism is complicated—like trying to untangle a bunch of charging cables from the bottom of your bag. This section dives into how these conditions overlap, affect each other, and what current research has to say about it. Spoiler: It’s all connected in ways we’re just beginning to understand.
What’s the connection between joint hypermobility and autistic traits?
Researchers have picked up on a connection between joint hypermobility and autism. Some studies suggest shared genetic factors might be at play, but there’s still a lot we don’t know. More research is needed to fully untangle how these two conditions are linked—but the connection is definitely there.
Can autism impact your body’s autonomic functions?
Yep, autism can absolutely affect autonomic functions. Some autistic individuals deal with things like orthostatic intolerance—which basically means their body struggles to regulate blood pressure and heart rate when they stand up. It’s like their nervous system didn’t get the memo on how to adjust properly, which can lead to dizziness, lightheadedness, or even feeling like they might pass out.
Are folks with autism more likely to have hypermobile joints?
People with autism are more likely to have hypermobile joints, though science hasn’t fully figured out why yet. The leading theory? Genetics. There’s a good chance that both conditions share some genetic factors, but researchers are still working on connecting all the dots.
How might hypermobility affect behaviour in people with autism?
Hypermobility can come with a side of pain and discomfort, and for autistic individuals, that can have a big impact on behavior and emotions. When your body hurts, it’s no surprise that anxiety and stresscan ramp up, making everyday tasks and social interactions even more challenging. It’s not just about being extra flexible—it’s about how those physical challenges affect everything else in daily life.
What are the sensory issues linked to hypermobility in those on the autism spectrum?
Sensory issues are a big deal for people with both hypermobility and autism. Things like touch, sound, or light can feel way more intense than they do for others, making certain environments totally overwhelming. This is why having coping strategies—like noise-canceling headphones, dim lighting, or comfy clothing—can make a world of difference in navigating daily life.
Wrapping It All Up: Understanding, Managing, and Advocating
So, what’s the takeaway from all of this? Hypermobility, autonomic disorders, and autism are deeply connected, and understanding these links can make a huge difference in how we manage them. Whether it’s pain, fatigue, sensory challenges, or anxiety, recognizing how these conditions overlap helps in finding better support, treatment, and strategies for everyday life.
Managing these conditions isn’t just about doctor visits and therapy (though those help!); it’s also about self-advocacy, pacing yourself, and building a strong support network. And let’s be real—sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone in this can be a game-changer.
If you’re looking for ways to advocate for neurodiversity and celebrate the unique ways our minds and bodies work, check out BellaZinga! Our store is all about spreading awareness, embracing differences, and celebrating neurodivergence with fun, meaningful designs. Because at the end of the day, the more we understand, support, and uplift each other, the better life gets for all of us.
Let’s keep the conversation going—because neurodiversity deserves to be seen, heard, and celebrated! 💜
“Autism”, “ASD”, and “PDA”. These aren’t just random abbreviations – they’re essential keys to understanding the vast, colourful world of neurodiversity. Dive into this guide and let’s decode the mystery behind PDA, all while keeping a sense of humour about it.
Source: Pexels
What the Heck is PDA (What, You Mean it’s Not a Public Display of Affection)?
PDA involves an extreme avoidance of everyday demands, often driven by high levels of anxiety.
A quick history tidbit: PDA was first identified in the 1980s by child psychologist Elizabeth Newson. (Yep, while you were busy rocking those leg warmers and mullets, science was making strides!)
“Does My Kiddo Have PDA?” – Behaviours to Watch Out For
Now, no two children are alike, and no, I don’t mean like snowflakes. More like, um, ice cream flavors? But here are some general signs:
Resistance to Ordinary Demands: Ever felt like you’re negotiating with a mini-diplomat just to get shoes on for school? This isn’t your typical child stalling. It’s an intrinsic need to resist routine tasks that most of us find mundane.
Comfort in Role Play: They might often take on roles or personas and communicate through them. Sherlock today, Spider-Man tomorrow! It’s not just play; it’s a coping mechanism.
Social Mimicry: They can often imitate others to mask their difficulties. This isn’t about being the ‘class clown’. It’s a way for them to fit in, making it sometimes hard to pinpoint. Crafty little beings, aren’t they?
High Levels of Anxiety: Their anxiety levels are more profound than the dread you feel when you accidentally like a picture from 2012 while stalking someone on social media. This can manifest in various ways:
School Avoidance: It goes beyond the occasional “I don’t wanna go!” It’s a deep-rooted fear or reluctance that makes school mornings seem like a scene out of an action movie – and for some chilldren, like mine, a horror movie.
Aggression When Anxious: Not just a temper tantrum. When they’re pushed to their limit, their fight-or-flight response might lean heavily on the ‘fight’. This could look like punching walls, throwing things, taking scissors to walls, pushing you, or screaming insults at caregivers.
Panic Attacks: Heart-wrenching to watch, these sudden bouts of intense fear can immobilize them. It’s not “attention-seeking” but a genuine overwhelming feeling they can’t control.
Self-Harm: Children with PDA often use self-harm, often as a grounding technique to take their mind off their tumultuous feelings of anxiety in their body. This could look like hitting their head with their hands, slapping themselves in the face, or beating their head agains a wall. It’s scary to watch, and can be deeply unsettling for both parent and child.
Diagnosis: When Should You Seek Professional Insight?
Your intuition as a parent is uncanny. If you’re feeling something’s up, trust your gut, and:
Consult a Specialist: This usually starts with a pediatrician or a child psychologist.Don’t take “no” for an answer. Unfortunately, there are many medical professionals who don’t believe in PDA, and many who are just not familiar with it. This is where you need to do your own research mama, and go with spreadsheets and data in tow!
Undergo Assessment: This can include observations, interviews, and specific PDA-focused questionnaires.
Receive a Diagnosis: Now that you have a better understanding of your child’s challenges, it’s time to search for supports that fits their needs (and yours.) You’ll also need to arm yourself with information so you can adovcate with schools, coaches, and any other environments your child may need special accommodations in.
Remember, it’s not about labelling but understanding and supporting your child through this journey.
Treating PDA: No One-Size-Fits-All Here!
Treatment is as unique as your child’s fingerprint or your secret cookie stash (oops, did I just spill the beans?):
Family Counseling: Because, let’s face it, we all need a bit of group therapy after those family board game nights.
Educational Support: Tweaking their learning environment to suit their needs, minus the unnecessary pressure.
Tips for Navigating the Rollercoaster of PDA at Home
Welcome to the ‘PDA Theme Park’. Hold onto Your Hats!
Navigating the zigzaggy roller coaster that is PDA can be, well, quite the wild ride. But fear not! With a sprinkle of patience, a dash of creativity, and the following strategies, you can ensure the ride is smoother for both you and your young adventurer:
Pick Your Battles: Does it matter if they wear PJs to the supermarket? Hey, some celebrities have worn meat dresses to award shows, so PJs sound pretty haute couture to me!
Use Indirect Requests: Instead of the direct “Brush your teeth,” try a bit of playful challenge like, “Hmm, I wonder who can make their teeth shine the brightest?” Engage their imagination!
Establish Safe Spaces: Picture this – a cozy nook with fluffy pillows, their favorite book, and maybe a soft light. Everyone, especially our PDA champions, needs a sanctuary to retreat to when the world gets a tad too overwhelming.
Humor is Your Friend: When in doubt, laugh it out! Remember that time you tried to wear two different shoes to work? Yeah, life can be absurd. Sharing a hearty laugh can diffuse tension in a jiffy.
Negotiate Like a Pro: It’s not about manipulation; it’s a two-way street. Maybe it’s a compromise, or perhaps it’s letting them feel they have a say. “10 more minutes of play, and then we tackle homework. Deal?”
Keep it Low-Key: Sometimes, the fanfare and fuss can be overwhelming. Approaching situations calmly and without a ton of drama can often lead to more successful outcomes.
Collaborate with Your Child: Make them part of the solution. “Okay, so we need to do X. How do you think we should get it done?”
Find Their Motivation: Is there a toy, a story, or maybe a treat they love? Use it as a carrot (or maybe a cookie?). “Once we’ve tidied up, how about we read that new comic together?”
These tips may not look like ordinary parenting, but your child is extraordinary, so these special tips will help them (and you) get stuff done with less head-butting and more hugs.
Wrapping Up: From PDA to BellaZinga!
Speaking of understanding and celebrating neurodiversity, have you heard of BellaZinga? Inspired by a brilliant girl named Bella who dazzles on the autism spectrum, our online store uses printable merch and educational materials to promote the inclusion, acceptance, and celebration of the true spirit of neurodiversity. Need a touch of inspiration or just a sprinkle of awareness in your life? Swing by BellaZinga and let some neurodivergent light shine on you!
P.S. While you’re there, maybe grab a little something. Who says advocacy can’t be stylish? 😉🌟
Back in Februrary, a commercial for Go RVing Canada appeared on our screens, prompting people to “Find their wildhood.” I’m sure you’ve seen the spot, but in case you haven’t, you can check it out for yourselves.
The story tells of a man searching for more than the stressful, monotonous, grind of our modern existence. After leaving work one day he’s had enough, and breaks. Instead of stepping onto the subway, he runs – as far and as fast as he can. As he does, he slowly divests himself of the trappings of our modern life, eventually finding himself in the wilderness.
Finally, our hero stumbles across a campfire, and through the flames he sees a shadowy figure. He gives chase, culminating in a leap of faith by following the figure off a cliff, and splashing down into the cool, baptismal waters of a mountain lake. As he emerges, the man realizes he’s been chasing himself; perhaps the person he used to be, and most certainly the person he wants to be now.
As I sat watching the commercial that first time (and if I’m being honest, all subsequent times), I was overcome by emotions so raw and a realization so great I didn’t know how to cope. Instead, I sobbed quietly into my hands, hoping my daughter wouldn’t walk into the room and see me devolving. Even while writing these words, I have to take breaks to pull myself together, because the message stirs something so deep, so broken, and so personal I find it difficult to share my thoughts.
By speaking these these thoughts out loud there is no turning back. I’m exposing all the ugly bits of myself – and what it’s like to be a single mother – to the world, and likely inviting more than a few trolls to take some shots.
In the end, it’s more important that I am open, vulnerable, and real with my readers, so here goes.
Single Mom Sacrifice
When I watch that commercial, I realize how much I have lost myself in my nearly twelve years of single parenthood. True, I knew I had sacrificed much by focusing on my child and her needs over my own, but I hadn’t realized the extent of it until I saw that man, in that lake, finally reaquainting himself with a healthier, happier version of himself.
The truth is, I don’t know how I got here, or even how I could have done anything differently. As a single mom, it’s an understatement to say life is hard. It seems like you are never doing enough, working hard enough, juggling fast enough, being patient enough, etc.
Now add to it the fact that my kiddo is autistic and has ADHD. For those of you that have neurodivergent children, you get it. For those of you that don’t…you’ll never get it until you live it.
Suffice to say, I’ve dedicated every ounce of my energy into ensuring my daughter receives the diagnoses, supports, counseling, medication, IEPs, strategies, and time with me she needs to be successful.
Everything else – and I mean everything – has gone on the backburner.
Being the Sole Provider
Of course, when it somes to finances, I’m it. It’s up to momma to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. (my kiddo loves bacon) But try to make any career work around:
Appointments
Meltdowns
After-school activities that are necessary for her social, emotional, and physical health
School avoidance behviours and constant calls to pick her up early
Physical symptoms of anxiety like constant stomach aches and headaches
Pathological demand avoidance
Poor executive function
Bullying and social issues with other children, etc.
Go ahead. Find a job that will allow you to work and still navigate that. I dare you. In fact, if anyone can tell me how to survive financially as a single mother, I’m all ears. Screw survive, I want to know how to thrive.
As I said before, it’s never enough. I’m never enough. There’s never enough time. There’s never enough money. But all the while I have to be the one to put on a brave face. To bolster her. To be patient for her. To never go out so I don’t spend money on sitters so I can afford her activities. To scrimp on dental care when I need it because I don’t have benefits and I need to make sure I can afford her braces. (My teeth still look great and my breath is minty fresh btw)
The end result is I don’t fucking recognize myself. I’ve let myself go. Most days, I look old, defeated and tired. Half the time I don’t have any energy.
I’m just now weaning myelf off my latest round of anti-depressants and anxiety meds for the panic attacks I was having dealing with the stress of trying to find a job that would work with our lifestyle needs and somehow pull us out of poverty. Not to mention the daily trauma of school avoidance meltdowns that were dominating our lives.
Body Image Takes a Hit
And I’m fat.There, I said it. Me, who used to be so athletic. Fuck, I used to live in the Rocky Mountains and run up them on a daily basis. My abs were so tight you could bounce a quarter off them, and I loved my legs. I was so sleek, and sexy, and loved dressing up in heels and painting the town.
Now I can’t stand to look at myself. It’s not like I’m drastically overweight, and as a friend of mine told me recently, I actually look like an average person, but when you spend the better part of your life being an athlete, it’s hard to adapt to a new curvier self.
Intellectually, I know it’s not my fault. I know part of this is getting older – hello perimenopause – not to mention the good ol’ stress hormone cortisol doing it’s nasty work. But I still blame myself for not fitting the picture of what I should look like, particularly when I compare it to how healthy I used to be.
Then there’s dating, or rather the lack of it. Between trying to find the time or energy to date, and feeling confident about my body and how I look, it seems like a lost cause. And don’t even talk to me about sex. It’s literally been years for me, and I feel about as sexy as a can of Drano right now.
But you know what I miss above all else? I miss having someone to help me make decisions – because it’s always all me shouldering the load. I miss holding someone’s hand, or crawling into someone’s lap and just being held and someone for once telling me that it will be alright, instead of me always being the one doing the reassuring.
It’s so hard not to be bitter and resentful of those people with significant others who provide for them. Who have the option to stay home and look after their kids and still live a life that’s not mired in stress. I almost laugh when women complain about their spouses when they forget to take out the garbage, or are away from home for too long with work.
To even have had one night a week where a spouse or partner drove my kid to their activities, or paid for groceries, would make a world of difference.
I don’t know who I am anymore. Or rather, I don’t know where the old “me” went. Mentally, I know I need to love my body for how it carries me through the world. And I’m the first one to preach body positivity and acceptance to my daughter and anyone else, so I don’t know why I can’t love myself regardless of my size.
But it just seems like everything is stacked against me. I try to focus on the little things to get me through, like the accomplishments or hurdles my kiddo overcomes. But again, it’s all about her. Somehow, my wants, my dreams, and my needs are lost in the mix.
Not because I’m choosing to ignore myself, but I’m just trying to survive and provide.
This is the Dirty Secret of Single Parenting
And that’s why this fucking commercial hits so hard. I want to meet myself again, and love myself again. I just don’t know how I can make it happen.
This is the dark side of single parenting no one will talk about. The angry, defeated, bitter side I see so many mothers unleashing in social media support groups.
All this might make you think I resent my child. I don’t. I love my child beyond measure, and show up for her every. single. day. to the best of my ability.
But there is nothing left for me after that.
So. What’s to be done? How can I find my way back to who I used to be? Or at least to the best version of myself now.
I don’t have the answers. The whole “self-care” myth is a crock of shit. And I’ve even written blogs about how to carve out time for it! (Colour me cynical and hypocritical) Let’s be honest, if I don’t have time to have a shower or put on make-up, I’m not going to be able to find time for much else. For some of us, there is simply no time, or money for self-care.
What I do know is I’m a fighter. So I’ve spent this weekend applying for jobs (like I’ve been doing on the daily for months) to help me finanically. I’ve been steadily working up my online presence for my new business venture in hopes of creating a passive income to help lighten the load.
I’m continuing my role as a content writer, and doing my best to search out new prospects.
I even splurged for a hair cut (First Choice Haircutters of course, I can’t afford a stylist) because it’s been over six months and I needed a trim.
All I can do is take it one hour, one day at a time. Maybe eventually I’ll find my “wildhood” again. Who knows, maybe I just need to get laid. (don’t gasp, I know you’re thinking it.)
So share with me your struggles about being a single mother. Or maybe struggling with body image issues. Or dating as an older woman?
Let’s put it all out there and support each other.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to go RVing to find our “wildhoods.”
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