BellaZinga.Blog

Tag: coaching

  • THE CHAIR

    THE CHAIR

    I have a confession.

    I love the Real Housewives franchise, particularly New York and Beverly Hills.  It’s my guilty pleasure.  I know, I know…I can practically hear you judging me as I say it, but trust me, you can’t even come close to how hard I judge myself for it.

    Truthfully, when I get to sit down and watch reality TV,  it’s one of the few times I can stop my brain from having to work so hard.  I can just zone out.  And it makes me feel better about my life because, while these women have seemingly endless amounts of money and perfect lives, the back-stabbing, gossiping, and infighting make any skating club (and, by association, my career) look like a cakewalk.

    This week, one of the characters, named Erika, really took the piss (that’s for my Scottish friend Anne) out of a housewife named Teddy.  Now the stink of it was Erika is ALL about girl power…I mean, she’s freaking girl power on steroids.  Yet she seems to enjoy snarking at Teddy and putting her in her place as often as she can.  I mean, there is really NO sense of her extending any helping hand of friendship, acceptance, OR empowerment to this poor woman.

    The timing of this episode was fortuitous because it coincided with a tug-of-war I have been having internally in relation to one of my past coaching experiences.  Truth be told, I’m not sure what triggered this particular memory, but it has been playing over and over in a recurring loop with no resolution to be found.

    I’d like to share with you an incident that I have yet to reconcile within myself as to whether I was right or wrong; whether I over-reacted or under-reacted, whether I was defending myself or being petty, whether I was calling out someone for trying to take me down a peg or whether I was actually the one who made her feel bad.

    So, dear reader, maybe you can be the judge.

    It all went down like this.

    As most of us know, in any coaches’ room, there is a pecking order.  Or at least, back in my day – when this specific incident occurred – there was.  Every coach usually has a specific spot they sit and place their skate bag, coats, teaching aids, books, purses, etc.  Over time, these specific areas become permanent and were silently acknowledged as that coach’s “spot”.  I have been in some clubs where you would literally be taken to school for sitting in another coach’s chair.

    Back in the mid-2000, I had well over a decade of figure skating coaching under my belt, had started running my own intensive summer program with the help of an incredible team of friends, and had several provincial medallists to boot (see what I did there?).  So, while I wasn’t the best of the best in coaching terms, I had put in my time, paid my dues, made MANY sacrifices, and gained, at the very least, a modicum of experience and credibility.

    I had been coaching at a little club on the outskirts of Calgary for a few years.  I was the relative newcomer, and the first thing I did when I started using the coaches’ room was to make damned sure I did not sit in any other coach’s spot.  I even asked a friend who worked there with me who usually sat where so I could make sure to find a chair that didn’t offend anyone.

    You see, I’m old school.  I believe you show respect to those who went before you. 

    I believe that you should show deference to coaches who have put in the time and sacrifice to get to where they are. 

    Without those successful coaches who have paved the way for us, I firmly believe we would have had a harder time of it. 

    And I also believe, more and more fervently with each passing year in my profession, that it is our job to kick in doors, shatter stereotypes and help empower the next generation of coaches in their journey as they follow our example.

    Now, some of you may say this is outdated thinking.  Some may think that respect should be earned and not given freely.  And to some extent, I agree.  One of the lessons I have learned over time is to withhold my respect and trust until new colleagues earn it, BUT, I want to stress, I still feel it is important to be kind, polite, and respectful whenever and wherever possible.

    So, time passed as I worked at this small club, and eventually, this chair became my spot.  Now, I wasn’t a senior coach in the club, but I felt I worked hard and deserved the same respect as anyone else.

    Around this time, a new coach was hired.  Let’s call her Monica.  Now Monica was a young coach, just starting out. She was very green and very young. But she seemed nice, and since I was only at the club a couple of days a week, I really didn’t have much interaction with her.  The first week with Monica working with us came and went with no problems.

    Then came the day that I arrived at the rink early and was out on the ice before Monica. When I came back in to change my skates, Monica was sitting in my chair.  “Well”, I thought, “no problem”.  So, I picked up my bag (which was next to the chair), my coat (from the back of the chair), and my boots (which were under the chair) and moved to an empty seat.  (Yes, there were empty seats in the room she could have sat in, but she was new, and she was young and just starting out, so I figured she may have been flustered and not remembered that’s where I usually sat).

    As I grabbed my stuff, she seemed confused and said, “oh, I’m sorry, is this your spot?” I quietly responded, “no problem,” and moved.

    In my head, I was thinking, “well, DUH, of course, it’s someone’s spot since all their stuff is on it, in it, or around it, not to mention you’ve seen me sitting here all week,” but I kept quiet and told myself to chill out.

    After this incident, I had a private conversation with one of my coaching friends in the dressing room.  I found it odd that with the empty chairs, Monica had chosen mine, even though my stuff was all over it, and she MUST have seen me sitting in that chair. And my friend told me that on her VERY FIRST DAY when she entered the coaches’ room, Monica had asked my friend(duh-duh-DUUUUUHHHH)…..“WHO SAT WHERE”?

    My friend had gone through who sat in each chair, so Monica already knew who sat where and where the empty seats were.

    This seemed odd to me.  Monica already knew who usually sat in each spot.  There were empty chairs.  But rather than take an empty chair or any of the FOUR other coaches’ chairs who also used that room, Monica chose to target me.

    Of course, because I wanted to be nice, I told myself I was being paranoid.

    I let it go.

    Sure enough, the next week, it happened again…. empty seats in the room, lots of choices of where to sit, aaaannnnnnnddddd sure enough, Monica targets my seat.

    I called her bluff.

    As she looked up at me, she asked, “Oh, I’m sorry, is this your chair?”  I said yes and stood there.  She grabbed her stuff and went to an empty chair.

    I said thanks.

    That night I got an email from Monica.

    She was genuinely hurt.  She expressed herself quite eloquently, explaining in DETAIL how I had embarrassed and devalued her because I had made her move. How I had hurt her feelings. How could I do that to her?

    I read the email a second time.

    I poured myself a very large glass of red wine.

    I re-read the email over and over and over, trying to digest what I was reading and reconcile it with my perception of the situation.

    I had another glass of wine.

    I started about 12 different responses, then deleted each one.

    I finished the bottle.

    I realized that I would never want to be the one to make anyone feel bad about themselves, and I really, truly tried to look at it from her point of view.

    • True, she knew I sat there and chose to single me out twice and make me move. 
    • True, this felt like a calculated move to take me down a peg.
    • True, it felt like she was identifying the competition in the room and trying to neutralize it.
    • True, I was over-analyzing the situation to death.
    • True, I was likely paranoid based on my experiences so far in the figure skating and coaching world.

    I went back and forth in my head, arguing each side of the argument.  Was I being over-dramatic and seeing shadows that weren’t there?  Were my instincts correct, and was this a targeted move on her part?  It is well documented that women are overtly competitive with their peers in their workplaces…. this could be one of those times.

    In the end, I couldn’t dismiss one inescapable fact.

    It was JUST. A. DAMNED. CHAIR.

    So, I wrote her an email.  I apologized if I made her feel bad.  I tried to express the fact that I have always respected older coaches, the battles they have fought, and the experiences they have had, and for this reason, I always tried to not take their places in coaches’ rooms because they had earned the right to those spots.

    In the end, though, I said it was just a chair, and if that was where she felt she needed to sit then I said she could knock herself out, and I would move.

    I even invited her out for a beer, so we could have a good laugh about it.

    Confident that I had diffused the situation, I pressed send.

    The email I got back was no longer sad or hurt.

    SHE. WAS. NOT. HAVING. IT.

    She went UP one side of me and DOWN the other.

    According to her, I was condescending and egotistical, and a few other things I don’t care to repeat. I mean….  how DARE I talk to her like that? Who did I think I was?

    And it went on and on and on.

    I still shake my head when I think about how badly she had misinterpreted the tone of the email and how angry she was.

    I also shake my head at the fact she took absolutely no accountability for her part in ANY of it.

    She was the victim.  I was the aggressor.  In her eyes, it was case closed.

    I had had enough, so I forwarded the entire exchange to the club president.  She sent out an email the next day telling everyone that there were no assigned seats in the coach’s room.

    This, of course, was NOT true.  But the president was a much older lady who, while sweet, was not in the loop when it came to the politics at work within her club.  So, it seemed that every other coach got to keep their chair, and Monica had succeeded in demonstrating her power and co-opting mine.

    Even though I had already conceded the battle, it was clear I had also lost the war.

    Life went on at the club, Monica and I co-existed, I was pleasant, and she was cordial, but it was clear we would NEVER be besties.

    To this day, I still think about that chair.

    I still don’t know if I was right or wrong.  Did I stand up to a woman who saw me as a competitor and was trying to cut me off at the knees?

    Or was I the one disrespecting a new coach and being the antithesis of everything I had hoped to stand for?

    I’ll let you be the judge on this one. 

    Have you ever felt a colleague was trying to stealthily take you down a peg?  Share your experiences in the comments.

  • TO SPEAK UP OR NOT SPEAK UP-That is the Question

    TO SPEAK UP OR NOT SPEAK UP-That is the Question

    Authors note: I wrote this piece in January 2017 after the controversy surrounding the judging of the women’s event at the 2017-2018 US National Figure Skating Championships. In light of Ashley Wagner’s bravery for coming forward with her allegations of sexual abuse, I thought it only appropriate to re-post.

    At the time, I had planned on posting another article in my “Skating Club” series, however, two events had occurred the previous weekend and I course corrected.

    Read on.

    The first, was the women’s event at the US National Figure Skating Championships.  The event was spectacular, and I watched from Starr Andrews’ unbelievable performance through to the last skater, (and gold medalist), Bradie Tennell. From one skater to the next, the momentum kept building, and the ladies did not disappoint.  Ashley Wagner skated loose, and free and with passion; her LaLaLand program was a true thing of beauty and nuance.  Then came Karen Chen, Mirai Nagasu and lastly Bradie.  Each was equally exquisite in their own way, and when the smoke had cleared Ashley Wagner was left off the podium.

    The stink of it was; Ashley Wagner made no secret that she was unhappy with her marks. (surprise, surprise) From the moment she flashed the stink eye in incredulity while viewing her final total in the kiss and cry, to her statement about being “furious” that Tenell was marked higher than her in the components scores, there was NO confusion as to her thoughts on her placement.

    As a national level coach, I spend a large portion of my time teaching my skaters how to not only win with dignity, but also lose gracefully.  We spend hours framing loss as an opportunity for growth, and talking about how to purport ourselves when in the public eye.  True sadness at a loss is understandable and honest, but attacking other skaters and judges, in my humble opinion, seems like sour grapes and the mark of being a sore loser. Or at least, I have always thought so.

    After seeing this behaviour from Ashley Wagner Friday night, and reading more and more quotes on twitter and in the newsfeed Saturday, I was very mixed in my response to her behaviour.

    On the one hand, as a former skater, and now a coach who has been lucky enough to work with competitive athletes, I understand first hand the absolute sacrifice required to make it to the level we see nationally and internationally.  It’s not just a few sleepovers and school dances these skaters give up to get to where they are; they give up their very identity.

    From the time they are too young to write most of them are getting up early and spending hours at the cold rink, falling over and over again, showing courage and fortitude we don’t see in most adults.  As they train, they put up with club politics, coaching changes, constant criticism and financial hardships, often leaving their home and giving up other things most children take for granted because those extra dollars can help to pay for skating.  These kids (and remember, they are kids) have a level of dedication and commitment seen in very few.

    So, when years and years and years of sacrifice, training and sweat end up in a fourth-place finish there is no greater sting.  Fourth place is the worst place to finish; “sooooo close, but not quite good enough” it seems to tell you, as you sit and watch the other three skaters receive their medals.

    I empathize and understand Ashley Wagner’s outburst.  Still, I thought, by speaking out, I had to wonder if it tarnished the moment for the other three skaters, who had sacrificed just as much, and had simply skated better. Surely, they too deserved their moment, free of controversy and dissension. (for the record, I believe that Chen, Nagasu and Tennell beat Wagner fair and square and absolutely deserve their marks and their placement)

    Then I watched the Golden Globes on Sunday night. 

    I have long believed that there is a war on women. It has been waged on us since time immemorial; from the Salem Witch Trials, to the Suffragette Movement, to the #MeToo Rebellion.  I have my own experiences of sexual assault, harassment and discrimination as a young woman in high school, university and in the coaching world to draw from to back up this claim.  But my experiences pale in comparison to the plight of women in countries like Saudi Arabia, who to this day suffer unimaginable human rights violations, simply because of their gender.

    I can not tell you the strength, comfort and hope the MeToo and TimesUp initiative have given me.  Just listening to real women and activists come forward with their stories, sharing what has happened to them, how they felt, and HOW THEY WERE SILENCED elicits the most liberating and empowering feelings.  To know that I’m not alone, that people are ready to hear. 

    That CHANGE is possible.

    And the recurring theme at those Golden Globes on Sunday night? 

    Speaking your truth. 

    SPEAKING UP. 

    Shedding those bonds of silence we are conditioned with as young girls; NOT to tattle, NOT to be loud, or obnoxious, and for God’s sake, don’t make waves!

    So how can I find fault with Ashley Wagner for speaking up for herself when she felt an injustice had occurred?  Rightly or wrongly, she became her own advocate.  Ashley Wagner used her voice, and she used it loudly and proudly.  As is her RIGHT.  Whether or not you or I or anyone else agrees with it.

    Perhaps if more of us spoke up without fear, change would happen faster, and those of us with a uterus wouldn’t have to work twice as hard to earn approximately only two thirds of what a man does for doing the same job. Perhaps if I had spoken up sooner I would be making what I’m worth in my coaching job instead of still living on the brink of poverty.

    Perhaps if we spoke up the next man who feels he is entitled to grab our breast in a crowded bar will think again.

    Perhaps.

    Either way, even though I may not agree with her, I support Ashley Wagner in using her voice to protest.  We should all follow her example, to hell with the consequences.

    When is the last time you spoke up? Share your stories in the comments!

  • SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    Part One: Setting your Goals

    “Plan the work, and work the plan.”

    The first step on any journey is to know where you are going. 
    Goal setting is the first step on your journey in skating!

    Learn How to Goal Set Like a SuperS.T.A.R.

    S.T.A.R. stands for:

    Specific: You can’t achieve it if you can’t describe it in detail! Break your goal down into manageable chunks, and attack it one chunk at a time.

    Trackable: If you can’t measure it so you can keep track of it you won’t know when you’ve achieved it. Make sure each goal has a quantity attached, or a quality, as well as a time element. These things will  help you track your progress.

    Attainable:  I’d like to play in the NBA.  I’m 5’4” and can’t jump high. I’m also 50 years old. Even if I could quit my job and train 5 days a week to get a great jump shot, I will never grow any taller. 


    My goal of playing in the NBA is NEVER going to happen.  Enough said.

    Realistic: It may be attainable, but are you willing to put in the work and make the sacrifices to make it happen?  THIS is when it gets real.

    As we work through our goal setting process together, I am going to ask you to always come back to these principles. 

    Ask your self constantly, is this goal specific, is it trackable, is it attainable, and is it realistic. If not, adjust your goal to make it so.

    GOAL SETTING IS A SKILL, THE MORE YOU PRACTICE IT, THE BETTER YOU GET!

    SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Strategy

    The first step in any goal setting process is sometimes the scariest.  You have to DARE to dream. Don’t worry about anyone making fun of you.  These are your dreams, and you’re allowed to have them!

    So, when you dream about skating, where do your dreams take you?

    Use the space below to write out some of your dreams when it comes to your skating:

    Now that you’ve dared to dream, you have to do something even harder.  You have to ask yourself some hard questions about your dream.

    ACTIVITY #1: Try using these questions to help you assess if your dream is realistic.
    (Using a blank piece of paper, spend some time thinking of the answers to the questions    , and write them down.

    1. How realistic is this goal?  Check out the internet, google how many people have achieved it. Read about their journey, find out how long it took them and the obstacles they encountered.

    2. Am I really ready to make the changes necessary in my life to achieve this goal?

    3. Am I ready to make sacrifices along the way to achieve this goal?

    4. Am I ready mentally to handle the ups and downs/successes and failures I will encounter along the way as I work toward this goal?

    5. Will I have a good support system around me to help me achieve this goal? This includes, family, friends, coaches and teachers.

    6. Are the necessary facilities and coaching readily available in my area to achieve this goal, or do I have to look elsewhere for them?

    For our next step, take a look at the picture below and insert your DREAM GOAL.

    Now divide your dream goal up into do-able chunks by years to start.  We will use a three year plan here, but anything goes! Take some time and list the things you need to accomplish along the way to get there.

    Year One:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Two:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Three:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Note:  If you need more years to break your dream goal down, use a blank piece of paper or a journal to write down your thoughts.

    We’ve spent all this time thinking about our goals, and breaking them down into yearly steps, or increments.  So far so good!

    Here’s the next step:

    Now that we’ve painted in the larger strokes of our goal setting, it is time to follow our SuperS.T.A.R. guidelines once again and get even more specific.  For this phase, you now need to do your research, chat with your coaches and parents, and find out a whole lot of information.

    ACTIVITY #2: Using the Yearly Planning chart found after these questions, we are going to plan the dates and major events for each season. 

    Things you will need to know, or at least have a rough idea of are:

    · Start and end dates for each season. Make sure to start with the month that your year starts in, if you are competitive and skate/dance year round, this would be May/June  If not, this might be September/October.

    · Major life events, such as holidays, school trips, exams, or anything else that may require some of your time and focus away from skating (these are called INTERVENING VARIABLES) and you need to plan for them whenever possible and adjust your training schedule accordingly.

    · Test Days/Exam Days

    · Competitions—these can be divided into two groups:

    1. TRAINING competitions: where the whole idea is to go and get some feedback.  This means you will not be varying your training overly much to produce what we call a “peak”

    2. QUALIFYING competitions: These competitions are the priority, where you will be adjusting your training leading up to the event in order to help you feel ready and rested so you have every chance to turn in your absolute best performance. Put a star beside these on your Yearly Planning Chart!

    · Choreography, when is the best time for you to start working on new programs?

    · Dates you set aside in order to check your equipment, such as if you need your skates sharpened, or if you need new skates or dance shoes, or a new costume.

    · Dates you set aside to monitor your progress. (More on this a little later)

    These dates will help you as you plan your training for each season, so circle the important ones on the Yearly Planning Chart so you know when they are coming and where they sit in your year.

    Yearly Planning – Important Dates

    Year:   

                            The Importance of Assessment Days    

      

    Before we move on, we need to remember a crucial part of goal setting and planning:  ASSESSMENT DAYS!

    These are the days that you SPECIFICALLY SET ASIDE so you can go back through your week, month, season, or year, and take stock of how you did.

    This is part of what we call SELF-MONITORING – which is the ability for you to look at your strategy, and “tweak it as you go” so you can be more successful.

    Those people who are able to look at their strategies, analyse them, and tweak them are the people who end up seeing the most success and happiness in their careers.

    So, how do we know if we’ve achieved our goals?

    Ask yourself these questions:

    · Did you pass the tests/exams you had wanted to?

    · Did you achieve the performances you wanted to?

    · What about the specific elements in your skating or dancing, did you achieve those in the time frame you wanted to?

    IF YES, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    Did you achieve these things right on time, or WAY ahead of the time frame you allowed yourself? Did you feel a sense of accomplishment with your goals? If you achieved your goals too easily, you might want to make your next set of goals a little more difficult.   

    If you don’t challenge yourself, you limit your ability to grow and really see what you can do!

    IF NO, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    WHY didn’t you achieve the goals you wanted to accomplish? What do you need to change in terms of time, effort or strategies in order to complete these goals?

    Use failure to achieve goals as FUEL for the next round, and be more realistic in your next round of goal setting! There are assessment sheets at the back of this module, use them after every season!

    Now that we have our list of important dates, we can move forward with breaking down our first year!

    AGAIN: It’s important to  pick the season where your year starts.  Example, for a competitive skater, the year starts in the spring.  For a recreational skater, your year may start in the summer if you summer skate, or in the fall if you do not.  This is where it’s important to know what you can give and commit  in order to make your dreams come true. We are going to pick YEAR ONE.

    ACTIVITY #3: Using the following template, break into groups, or pairs and help each other fill out ONE TEMPLATE PER SEASON.

    Use this template to write out your goals for each season.  Take your time and really break things down.

    Hint:  It helps to work backwards, if you know you want to be able to land an axel 3/3 attempts by your third skating season, (if you only skate three seasons a year) then by the end of your second season you should be able to land 2/3 axels clean and by the end of the first, you should aim for 1/3 landed.

    SEASON ONE:                    

    Date Begins:                                        # of Weeks:                          

    TEST GOALS:                                                                                                                                                                        

    COMPETITIVE GOALS:

    PROCESS GOALS: (goals you want to achieve as you work every day toward your larger goals)

    JUMP ELEMENTS:

    SPIN ELEMENTS:

    PROGRAMS:

    OTHER:

    EQUIPMENT/COSTUME NEEDS:

    INTERVENING VARIABLES:

    (these are things that may disrupt your training, like exams, vacations, etc, so adjust your goals accordingly)


    As you set out your goals for each season, make sure to revisit your SuperS.T.A.R. goal setting guidelines!

    Now that you have all of your goals for every season planned out, the next step is to use these goals to break down each season into monthly and weekly sections so you can more easily keep track of your progress and you can adjust your training as you go.

    Keep your eyes peeled for the “SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Part Two” blog when it comes out for more information about how to organize your skating or dancing year so you can be the best skater you can be!

    Note:  make sure that at the end of every season you sit down either by yourself, in a group or with your coach and use the assessment sheet template provided below to really see how you’re doing, what’s going really well, and what you can do better. 

    Assessment days are a real opportunity to gain valuable feedback about your training and how you can tweak it to progress faster!

    I hope this blog and the goal setting ideas and exercises help you to better plan your skating or dancing journey, and help you enjoy the ride! Remember, these principles apply to any sport, and can easily be applicable for competitive cheerleading and gymnastics too!

    Do you have any helpful goal setting tips you’ve used for your athletes? If you’re an athlete, what works best for you in terms of goal setting?

  • A Product Review for Maybelline New York Dream Fresh BB Cream

    A Product Review for Maybelline New York Dream Fresh BB Cream

    Product:  Maybelline New York Dream Fresh BB Cream

    Price:  $9.96

    Cheapest Place to Buy: Amazon.ca

    My Rating:  9/10

    Overview:  As arguably one of the worst morning people in the world, I used to dread getting up to coach on morning ice. (Spoiler alert: I’m a figure skating coach.) Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream was my go-to product every morning to simplify the process.  As simple as 1-2-3, I cleansed, applied the BB Cream with my fingers over my entire face, and was out the door, ready for the morning. This cream not only corrects and hydrates, it also brightens and enhances your skin tone.  I find, particularly for the cold environments we encounter for hours at the rink, this cream really does the job of a moisturizer and foundation in one, providing a natural, minimal make-up look.  Creamy and smooth, this beauty balm glides on gently, blurring imperfections and blending with your skin tone beautifully.

    Best Feature: As a more mature woman (cough, cough), I’ve tried every product under the sun to cover up my under-eye wrinkles and bags.  This product is by far the best because it hydrates my under-eye area as it camouflages, taking years off my face every time I use it. The cream is build-able, so if you need more coverage, you simply apply another layer for an even more perfected look.

    Pros: This cream is simply the best on the market I have tried in terms of covering all the bases.  It feels like several products in one: a moisturizer, a corrector, an illuminator and a foundation.  I find my skin looks softer and more hydrated after I have used this product; I love the smell, look and feel of it, and I really like the easy-to-squeeze tube it comes in which makes for quick and easy applications. I also like the dewy finish it leaves on my skin, which makes my skin look plumper and younger. Made with soy extract, a powerful natural antioxidant, I found my skin tone to be more even, and my wrinkles diminished over time.

    Cons:  There are only five colors/tones to this Cream:  Light, Light/Medium, Medium, Medium/Deep and Deep, however, I usually use medium but blend with a dot of Medium/Deep over the summer when I have a slight tan.  Also, while there is a version of the product made with an SPF included, it has yet to be made available in my area of Canada…..so boooooo Maybelline for that!

    Conclusion:  Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream is simply a no-brainer for anyone looking for a quick, effortless and affordable skin care regime. It packs so much punch in a little tube it really makes life easier for us on-the-go coaches looking for the complete package with our skin care products.

  • Feedback: The Highs, the Lows and the In-Betweens

    Feedback: The Highs, the Lows and the In-Betweens

    It’s not an understatement to say that the ability to give positive, timely and helpful feedback in the right manner at the right time can be a game changer for young athletes and differentiates the good coaches from the best coaches. As a coach with thirty years experience, I can safely say that I am always upping my “feedback game”, constantly assessing how I give feedback to my students, and adding to my “toolbox” so I can be the best I can be and offer them the best instruction and motivation possible.

    Feedback in coaching is also called “Knowledge of Performance” or KP and is the term used for communicating technical information about the performance of a skill in order to help the athlete progress and improve in said skill or sport. It’s important to note that feedback works best when you are giving information about the “execution of the skill itself” and NOT the results of the performance, which is termed Knowledge of Results or KR. Knowledge of Results deals with such things as a skaters grade of execution on a jump, their overall placement in a competition, or a swimmer’s time in a race.

    Why is it important that we give feedback on an athlete’s performance you ask? Well, because that is the thing that an athlete CAN CONTROL. We can’t change the points we receive from a judge for a particular jump, but we CAN work hard on the take-off of a jump so that we improve the overall jump performance, which would then increase the points we receive by default.

    Feedback isn’t a one size fits all, and it’s important to remember that you have to adjust your approach to fit the learning style and personality of each individual student you work with. Over the years, I’ve found that there are a few “tried-and-true” feedback principles that have served me well as I strove to give my athletes the best I had to give.

    Below is my list of the most basic principles of feedback that I’ve found to work over my coaching career. Now, I love a good psychological abstract as much as the next gal, (sarcasm intended) but for the purpose of keeping this readable and easily applicable in the field for new coaches, I will endeavor to keep these principles short and to the point.

    Disclaimer: Before going any further, you should know that I have made every single mistake possible in terms of when, where and how to give feedback, and I am still a work in process. I use these particular principles because I have made countless mistakes and missteps in the feedback department and those mistakes helped me to learn what works and what doesn’t.

    Addendum to disclaimer: All of these principles apply when coaching neurotypical athletes and children. Over the years I have worked closely with athletes with conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, and learning disabilities, not to mention, now I am the parent of a seven year old daughter with all of these challenges. How we give feedback to these athletes needs to be VERY different than how we work with neurotypical athletes, and I will address that in my next blog.

    FEEDBACK MUST BE POSITIVE. Well……duh! Most of you experienced coaches reading this are saying this in your head, and I know it’s pretty basic, but it needs to be repeated. I can’t stress enough the importance of keeping feedback as positive as humanly possible. So, how exactly do you keep it positive? Well, I like to think in terms of ratios of positive to negative comments. And this is where it gets tricky and depends on the personality of each athlete. I’ll show you what I mean.

    • If an athlete is supremely self-confident and task oriented, they respond best to one piece of positive praise to one piece of technical critique or correction. When I get athletes like this I always like to use what I call the Reverse But….. (no, this isn’t J-Lo walking backwards). It’s a well known fact that when you use the word “but” in a sentence, you are sending the listener the message that everything before the word “but” wasn’t important, but everything after is what you really think or feel. (Thanks to Dr. Phil for clarifying that in his many episodes…..he’s a font of great information…don’t get me started on his two-sides to a flapjack analogy.) So, when I have an athlete or child that responds best to the 1:1 positive/negative ratio of feedback I ALWAYS put the negative first, and I use the word “but” before the positive. So it might sound like this:

    “I know that the take off of the flying camel got a little out of control because you weren’t balanced over they entry edge, but you recovered very nicely, finished the fly AND got your revs in, so good for you!”

    This works like a charm, I acknowledge the mistake, therefore being honest about what we need to work on and maintaining my credibility with the athlete, but in using the word but, (see what I did there) I am subconsciously cuing them to focus on the final, positive part of my feedback.

    • If an athlete needs a little more self-esteem building, but is still fairly self-confident, then I use the 2:1 positive to negative feedback ratio. I like to use the “sandwich” or “hamburger” strategy, where you sandwich a patty of correction between two yummy buns of positivity. (As I write this I’m thinking it sounds a little too suggestive for a blog about young athletes, but at least it will stick with you). An example of this would be to say something like, “wow Sally, you gave such a wonderful effort out there, I was really impressed! I think you got a little confused on the transition steps into your double flip, which slowed you down on the entry, but that’s an easy fix, and once we work on it a little more, your flip will be fantastic. Good for you! (Notice my use of the Reverse But there too…..you’re never going to look at J-Lo the same way again….sorry, not sorry;)
    • If you have an athlete that needs a lot of building up, than you must increase the number of positives to every negative until you find the magic number that works for them. How do you know it’s working? Well, watch their face as you give them corrections for one, and see if they take the feedback to heart and apply it for the other. I used to have a skater that was the shyest, most sensitive little girl I have ever worked with. I LITERALLY had to give her 10 nuggets of praise for every one technical critique, and then had to follow up with at least 3 other positives. I kid you not, if I didn’t she would cry, and it got worse as she approached her teen years and closer to puberty…(damn hormones).

    So to summarize the point I am making about positivity, if you want to get the most out of your athletes, and make their (and your) experience the best it can possibly be, then take the time to figure out that their magic ratio when giving feedback.

    FEEDBACK MUST BE HONEST. Seriously. Kids are the best bullshit lie detectors. EVER. Look, as much as you hurt for them when they have a less than stellar performance, and you want to pump them up, your feedback MUST be sincere. If you just try to blow smoke to make them feel better, your athlete will figure it out, and you will lose credibility in their eyes.

    I’ll say it again. If you are less than honest with your athletes they will know, and they will trust you less.

    That doesn’t mean you have to be mean. Just be honest. If they had a bad day, acknowledge that it was a bad day. But remind them that tomorrow is another day, and make them revisit all of the technical things they CAN do well so they feel confident enough to rebound and re-group to fight again.

    PRAISE IN PUBLIC, PUNISH IN PRIVATE. (clarification: I’m using the term punishment to talk about giving corrections and feedback about performance, not actual physical punishment) I’ve seen it too many times to count, and done it more than I wish to remember. How many times have you watched a group of athletes performing a routine, or a skill, or a drill, and shouted out corrections to individuals as they are performing, in front of everyone who could hear you, their peers, their parents, and anyone watching the practice.

    How do you think it makes an athlete feel to get called out like that in front of everyone? How would you feel? Centering out athletes for criticism in front of their peers is humiliating for the athlete, no matter how you deliver the critique. Instead, shout out praise to individual members of the group for the skills they ARE DOING WELL. Then, AFTER the skill, drill or performance, pull each team member aside and give them some constructive feedback individually. This becomes especially important when dealing with neuroatypical athletes. More on that in my next blog.

    THE WHEN IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE HOW. How many times have you seen a coach yell out corrections or feedback AS their athletes are performing a skill. I do it. We all do it. Years ago, when Madonna was still socially relevant, coaches of a certain age (cough, cough) were taught that feedback should be immediate….in fact, if my aging memory is correct, I remember more than one coaching course in the 80’s touting the benefits of providing feedback within 3-4 seconds of skill acquisition. You know who instantaneous feedback benefits? You….the coach. That’s who. It makes us feel better, it makes us feel in control, and it makes us feel like we are doing something to help.

    In reality, our athletes are busy processing all of the information and signals necessary to form the motor neurons necessary for that skill. Nine times out of ten, they DON’T EVEN HEAR our cues or corrections.

    Think of it this way. Our bodies are supercomputers. When we want to perform a skill, we have to build the circuitry and the program required to execute that skill. If your computer has frozen, repeatedly yelling “Download now! Download now!” at it is NOT. GOING. TO. HELP. Why? Because it is still processing.

    Let your athletes process in peace.

    Look, I’d like to believe that when I yell out cues to my students as they are practicing a skill that it helps, and it may help in the short term, but let’s be honest……most of the time it just makes me feel more in control of the situation, and helps me channel my thoughts and nerves, especially when they are performing at a competition and it is now totally out of my control and in their hands.

    I have found it is best to wait until a skill has been performed and the skater has had time to process their internal feelings and reactions to the attempt. I will ask them “how did that feel?” and I will even go so far as asking them if they had to rate that performance out of ten where they would rate it. Next, I ask my athletes if they felt there was anything they would like to fix or adjust to make it better. Only after that “de-brief” do I weigh in with my feedback, which I keep short and to the point.

    WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. There’s a line in a movie called the “Upside of Anger” that sometimes reminds me of myself and my coaching style. It goes something like this: “You would try the patience of a saint, and I’m not a patient mother@#$%er.” I am one of those coaches that expects their students to be mindful. I expect them to give me 150% in our lessons, AND I also expect them to incorporate the feedback and training plans I give them into their everyday practice.

    Combine that with a VERY expressive face and a very cartoon like teaching style……weeeeelllll….let’s just say when I’ve told a student for the 10,000th time to try a specific correction and they still don’t incorporate it….I feel FRUSTRATED. And my face and body can show it! It’s my coaching Achilles Heel.

    You know what. It’s okay to feel frustrated. It means that, as a coach, you care. I’ll take a coach that cares too much over one that is apathetic ANY DAY, BUT I have to be careful to not show that frustration on my face, or in my body stance or posture. Kids pick up on our facial expressions, and they can tell when we are frustrated or angry with them. No matter WHAT you are feeling on the inside, present a calm exterior. No athlete wants to feel like they have angered or disappointed their coach, it affects their self-esteem, and their motivation to take risks in the future.

    FOLLOW UP. Too often, coaches give feedback or corrections to skaters, then they leave it there, expecting their skaters to incorporate it as if by magic. Remember, the younger your athlete is, the more they will need your help incorporating that feedback into their training. Give your athlete suggestions about how to apply your advice, and then FOLLOW UP with them as many times as necessary to see if they are adhering to the plan. So, it might look something like this:

    “Susan! Wow, I was really impressed with the height of that salchow, AND you fully rotated it, so great job! There was a little loss of flow on the landing because you weren’t in a strong air position, and I think it is because you let your free side get out of control on the take off. What do you think about tweaking your practice plan this week to add some one foot salchow/salchow exercises to help control that? Do you think you could do that, then show me your practice plan with what days and how many times you can work on that? I know that when you spend a little time tweaking it, you’ll be more balanced on take off, and have a better air position, which will allow for more flow on the landing.”

    Once I have made the skater accountable for their progress, I then make a plan to check on how they want to incorporate it. I will also CHECK through-out the week to see if they have been following their plan.

    As you can see, there are many things to consider when you give feedback to your athletes, and I hope that some of my tips can help you in your coaching practice. There are so many great articles out there that can help you brush up on your feedback game, check out this one from the Coaching Association of Canada.

    In my next blog, I’ll talk about how important it is to adjust your “feedback game” when working with neuroatypical athletes. From my personal experience and observations, too many coaches are unaware of how conditions such as ADHD, Learning Disabilities and Anxiety affect athletes, and how they as coaches need to change their coaching style to make modifications and accommodations for them. What’s even worse, as a parent, I’ve seen too many coaches who are unwilling to even educate themselves about what these differences are and how they can best help.

    What about you? What are your best tips on giving feedback from your own experience?

  • Skating Clubs: What Makes a Good Executive?

    Skating Clubs: What Makes a Good Executive?

    A skating club executive sets the tone for the rest of its membership; how the people on the executive treat each other, the skaters, the coaches and the parents who participate in their club determines the climate and culture for the entire organization.

    I have noticed over my years teaching in many different clubs there are certain things that successful club executives have in common. 

    After compiling a list, I’ve whittled it down to ten important traits for any skating club executive to create, grow a and nurture a positive and successful culture.

    •  They Listen

    Successful club executives listen to their membership.  Even if they don’t agree with everything they hear, they are always ready to listen, understand and empathize.  To know that your opinion is respected and valued by those at the highest level of any organization is a powerful thing.  It fosters good will from all members and encourages them to have more ownership in the direction and success of that organization.

    • They Know They Don’t Know Everything

    Successful club executives realize they don’t know everything about figure skating, and that’s okay. A healthy Board of Directors is always willing to learn new things and grow in new directions, and they aren’t afraid to ask for help and advice, particularly utilizing the extensive knowledge found within their coaching staff.  If the people at the top levels of the organization have a growth mindset, this will filter down to all levels of membership. Check out more about Mindset by reading my book review here. 

    •  They Don’t Lose Sight of the Forest for the Trees

    A successful club executive realizes that sometimes the spirit of the law is more important than the letter of the law.  Sometimes, blind adherence to rules and regulations that restrict an athletes’ ability to gain the ice time they need or participate in the programs necessary to progress can be detrimental to skaters, coaches and the health and longevity of the club in general.  The bigger picture must always be taken into consideration.

    •  They Defer to the Coaches in All Things Skating

    Would you go to your child’s school and sit in on the teacher’s class, critiquing the curriculum and their teaching methods?  A strong executive doesn’t micromanage their coaching staff.  They allow them to develop and implement the programs as they see fit, and they support them along the way.  When coaches feel valued and appreciated, their loyalty, commitment, and job appreciation grows exponentially.

    •  They Do their Jobs Well

    If a skating club is to be run well, those at the executive level must know the roles and responsibilities of their positions and execute those duties efficiently.  This means attending meetings regularly, and educating themselves in the role they have been elected for. When everyone knows what they are supposed to do, a club runs at maximum efficiency.

    •  They Communicate Regularly and Effectively

    A strong youth organization will spare no expense to communicate to its members in a timely, organized and knowledgeable fashion.  When people have the information they need, before they even realize they need it, they trust that their needs are being met and are more likely to stick with that organization.  Knowledge of procedures, registration dates, session regulations, etc. creates a feeling of security and control and makes for a club that runs like a well-oiled machine.

    •  They Acknowledge and Reward Good Work

    There’s nothing worse than feeing like you are not seen, heard or valued for your efforts and contributions.  Those clubs that recognize initiative, creativity, dedication, hard work and loyalty create a workplace for coaches and a training environment for athletes that is dynamic, supportive and positive. This positivity and support encourages people to continue stepping outside of the box, creating new programs and initiatives that further the sport.  In short, positivity breeds positivity, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in any organization.

    • They Always Look at the “Big Picture”

    Call it vision, call it a mission statement, but whatever you call it, it matters.  A successful board of directors of any skating club will spend some time on creating a shared vision for it’s members, and they revisit this vision on a regular basis, making sure to communicate this mandate to their membership often and consistently.  Every decision must then be compared with the goals and philosophy of the club’s vision, and every decision must benefit as many people as possible.  It sounds like a simple thing, but having a shared vision is vital to the longevity, growth and success of every single skating club or youth organization.

    • They Lead by Example

    There are two types of people in this world; those who talk the talk, and those who walk the walk.  If you want to create a club where everyone treats people with honour, integrity and respect, then you had better lead by example and treat your membership this way.  As coaches, we are always aware that we must model the behaviour we would like to see from our students; club executives need to do the same.  If you lead with kindness, integrity and inclusiveness, these values will trickle down to every part of the club structure.

    • They are Transparent

    Nothing good ever grows in the dark.  (except maybe, mushrooms, I LOVE mushrooms, especially in a great white wine and garlic sauce…but I digress) The Executive of ANY youth organization needs to be absolutely and utterly transparent in every part of it’s process.  Reasons for decisions made need to be made public, along with milestones achieved, money spent, and any other topic or issue that affects the membership in any way.  It’s simply good business.

    As simple as these ten characteristics sound, it is rare to find a skating club that incorporates them on a regular basis.  Those that do stand out.  Those that don’t fail to thrive, often cycling through coaching staff and losing skaters on a regular basis.  It would be beneficial of every new club executive to thoroughly educate themselves on the sport AND these attributes if they want to provide an optimum climate for athletes to enjoy their skating journeys.

    Do you have any other characteristics you’ve found that make for a supportive and growth minded skating club? Share in the comments below!