When Tamra Judge, star of “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” recently announced her autism diagnosis, it sparked a whirlwind of reactions. As an autism mom of 13 years, my initial feelings were intense—ranging from disbelief to anger. Raising a child on the spectrum has been a journey marked by profound challenges, daily heartbreaks, and constant advocacy.
Hearing Tamra reveal her diagnosis so casually, without the depth of understanding or experience, felt like a slap in the face to families like mine who live this reality every day.
But then I took a step back. Autism isn’t the same for everyone—it presents differently in every individual, especially for women who often go undiagnosed until later in life. Still, I found myself conflicted, questioning whether her announcement was genuine or if it was simply an excuse for her bad behaviour on the show.
In this blog, I want to explore these mixed feelings and offer a glimpse into the realities of autism, both as a condition and a diagnosis that impacts not just individuals, but entire families.
A World Not Built for Kids on the Spectrum
For kids like my daughter, the world can feel overwhelming—a place that’s too bright, too loud, too chaotic. It often feels like the world wasn’t built for them. My daughter struggles with sensory sensitivities, which makes it hard for her to be in busy, noisy places like school. The overhead lights, the constant hum of conversation, kids acting out—these things, which many children might find mildly distracting, are huge obstacles for her.
Autism Parenting Magazine explains that sensory processing issues are common in autistic children and can cause them to feel overwhelmed by sounds, lights, and touch. For my daughter, these sensitivities often trigger meltdowns and anxiety attacks that make a typical school day feel impossible to get through. She’s forced to endure an environment that’s almost tailor-made to overstimulate her senses.
And then there’s the bullying. My daughter struggles with reading social signals, understanding concepts like personal space, regulating her voice volume, and following the flow of conversation. She often gets too close, speaks too loudly, or doesn’t know when to enter or end a conversation.
Despite her kind heart and good intentions, she’s been ostracized and bullied so severely that we’ve had to change schools. The pain of watching her struggle to fit in, of seeing her beautiful spirit crushed under the weight of her peers’ rejection, is almost unbearable.
And don’t get me started about the lack of acknowledgment, understanding or support from school officials, the staggering amount of time I had to spend advocating for her and the number of meetings I had to initiate to try and make school a safe space. (That’s another blog entirely).
The Emotional and Physical Impact of Autism
Anxiety is a constant companion for my daughter. The fear of being bullied, the pressure to conform, and the overwhelming sensory input create an emotional cocktail that often results in meltdowns.
These aren’t the minor tantrums that some people might imagine—they are full-blown panic attacks that can last for hours, leaving both of us completely drained for the rest of the day. And these aren’t just emotional responses—they manifest physically, too.
Autistic children often experience physical symptoms tied to their anxiety, like gastrointestinal issues, frequent headaches, or even asthma. My daughter frequently complains of stomach aches and other physical discomforts on the days when her anxiety is at its peak. Anxiety and gastrointestinal problems are closely linked in autistic children, and it’s a struggle I see play out daily in my own household.
Executive Function and Daily Struggles
Even the simplest tasks, like getting ready for school in the morning, can feel insurmountable for my daughter. She struggles with executive function, which means organizing tasks and managing time can be incredibly difficult. While a neurotypical child might be able to get dressed, pack their backpack, and leave the house in 10 minutes, my daughter takes significantly longer because she can’t easily break down the steps in her head.
Executive function challenges manifest in autistic children in countless ways, making it hard to manage even routine tasks. For my daughter, things like tying her shoes, packing her lunch, or remembering what order to do things in are daily battles that take ten times as long as a neurotypical child would take. And when the world expects her to keep up with her peers, it adds even more anxiety to her already overwhelming load.
Tying It Back to Tamra’s Autism Announcement
This is why Tamra Judge’s announcement initially felt like a punch to the gut. As an autism mom, I know firsthand the profound challenges and daily struggles that come with raising a child on the spectrum. So when Tamra casually mentioned her diagnosis on her podcast, claiming she was diagnosed in one therapy session, it raised a lot of red flags.
Diagnosing autism typically takes multiple assessments with specialists, and the process is often lengthy and thorough. Could someone really be diagnosed in one session?
Reality Blurb’s article on the backlash Tamra received highlights how Tamra’s announcement was met with skepticism, especially given her reputation for dishonesty on “Real Housewives.” To some, it seemed like she might be using autism as an excuse for her bad behaviour on the show—a harmful narrative that could reinforce negative stereotypes about people on the spectrum.
Understanding Late Autism Diagnosis in Women
But on the other hand, it’s also important to acknowledge that autism often goes undiagnosed in women, who tend to mask their symptoms more effectively than men. Tamra could very well be one of the many women who were overlooked in childhood and only diagnosed later in life. Autism is frequently underdiagnosed in adult women, who often learn to hide their struggles and adapt to neurotypical expectations.
While my initial reaction was skepticism, I now see that Tamra’s diagnosis could still be valid. If she is truly on the spectrum, it’s important to have compassion for her and recognize that her journey may be different from others. However, it’s also crucial that we don’t allow this announcement to perpetuate harmful stereotypes about autism.
Conclusion: Balancing Compassion and Critical Thinking
At the end of the day, Tamra Judge’s announcement brings to light the complexities of autism, particularly in how it’s perceived and diagnosed in adults. While we should approach her situation with compassion, it’s equally important to demand a responsible conversation around autism—one that doesn’t reduce it to a convenient label or excuse.
Autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour, and it certainly isn’t a tool for garnering sympathy or avoiding accountability. It’s a condition that profoundly impacts individuals and families and deserves to be discussed with the respect and seriousness it warrants.
For those reading this, I urge you to educate yourselves further about autism and how it affects not only individuals but their families, friends, and communities. Let’s foster a conversation rooted in understanding, not judgment, and continue supporting and advocating for those on the spectrum in every way possible.
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