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Tag: single moms

  • What Skills Single Parents Bring to the Workplace: Unstoppable Jugglers in Action

    What Skills Single Parents Bring to the Workplace: Unstoppable Jugglers in Action

    As a single parent, you might think that juggling family and work commitments is a Herculean task. But have you ever considered the exceptional skills you’ve acquired through this balancing act? Your unique experiences as a solo superhero can actually translate into valuable assets for your workplace.

    There were over 10 million families in Canada in 2022, and of that number, nearly 2 million of them were led by single parents. This means that one out of every five families in our country are single-parent families. Clearly, there needs to be more support for this huge demographic.

    When it comes to managing work and family, single parents often develop unparalleled time management, multitasking, and crisis-solving capabilities. These very skills make you an exemplary employee. Your can-do attitude and resilience in the face of adversity will not go unnoticed by your colleagues and superiors.

    Now, it’s time to embrace your “secret powers” and take pride in the strengths you’ve developed as a single parent in the workforce. Let’s explore your hard-won expertise and how it can enrich your professional life.

    Source: Pexels

    Key Takeaways

    • Single parents possess strong skills in time management, multitasking, and problem-solving
    • These skills make single parents valuable assets in the workplace
    • Embracing and showcasing these strengths can lead to professional success and recognition

    Secret Superpowers of Single Parents

    Master Multitaskers

    As a single parent, you’ve already demonstrated your ability to juggle multiple tasks at home. Children, laundry, cooking, and sorting out bills—you’ve done it all. Well, these multitasking skills are a boon in the workforce! Your experience in navigating the chaos of solo parenting makes you highly adaptable and able to handle diverse tasks at work with greater efficiency.

    Jedi-like Time Managers

    Time management is an essential skill in today’s fast-paced work environment, and single parents like you are Jedi masters when it comes to making every minute count. Balancing the responsibilities of raising kids, managing a household, and carving out time for your career has honed your ability to prioritize, delegate, and plan like a pro. Colleagues will look to you as a beacon of productivity during those hectic workdays.

    Conquerors of Challenges

    Single parents in the workforce, whether divorced, widowed, or facing the pandemic solo, possess a unique mental toughness. The challenges you’ve overcome in your personal life have strengthened your resilience and problem-solving abilities in the face of adversity. 

    As a result, you’re more equipped to tackle complex situations at work, and your colleagues will be inspired by your tenacious spirit.

    Navigating Workplace and Child Care

    Walking the Tightrope

    As a single parent, you’re basically a superhero, juggling work-life balance with the grace of a tightrope walker. You manage the demands of your career and the care responsibilities for your children, all the while keeping a sense of humour. 

    Your experience with childcare gives you a unique set of skills that can benefit the workplace, like multitasking, problem-solving, and remaining calm under pressure.

    You’ve got the ability to maintain a steady pace even when the going gets tough. Your children are like coworkers with endless questions and urgent requests, but you handle it all with ease. 

    Just nail that presentation, rush home to fix dinner, and help your child with their science fair project that’s due tomorrow – all with a smile on your face! You got this, Mama! (Or Dad!)

    The Never-Ending Juggling Act

    As a single parent, it’s not just about making a house a home but also seamlessly integrating your career and family life. Taking advantage of flexible work arrangements like working from home or adjusted hours can help you strike that delicate balance.

    If you’re lucky enough to have sick leave options or even extra help from babysitters, that’s fantastic. If not, you always have your secret weapon: quick thinking and resourcefulness. 

    Need to book a last-minute appointment at the Child Mind Institute? No problem! Your boss needs that report ASAP, but your child is home with the sniffles? You’ve got it covered!

    You bravely face workplace challenges, sometimes trading traditional work-life boundaries for a blend that’s uniquely suited to you. Embrace your adaptability and strong organizational skills, my friend. Single parenthood doesn’t hold you back; it makes you resilient, flexible, and a force to be reckoned with in the office halls.

    So, remember, no matter how many balls you’re juggling, you’re doing an incredible job. Keep on shining, you multitasking superhero!

    Source: Pexels

    Support Needed for Single Parents at Work

    The Call for Greater Flexibility

    Do you feel frazzled trying to juggle work and family life? You’re not alone in craving a more flexible work environment. You see, workplace burnout is a real issue, not just some make-believe thing like sasquatches or maple syrup shortages. 

    By creating opportunities for remote work, employers can help folks like you find that oh-so-sweet balance between career ambitions and the demands of parenthood.

    Building a Better Support System

    A support system is key for any single parent, especially in the workplace. Company culture plays a huge role in this, just like how you can’t have spaghetti without parmesan—it’s essential! (or maybe that’s just me?) Your manager and organization must foster an environment where single parents feel included and supported. 

    Now let’s talk about systemic solutions:

    • Public policies can be the Tim Hortons of the workforce, providing the daily fuel needed to keep us going (And who doesn’t love Timmies?). By enacting family-friendly policies, the government can help employers create better work systems for single parents.
    • Flexibility is the key to unlocking the ultimate Canadian work-life balance. By offering flexible hours, remote work, and other accommodations, employers can help single parents skate through life more easily.
    • Support from co-workers and friends is as important as finding the right Nice ‘n Easy hair colour. (Too much information?) By creating a network of trust and open communication, single parents will have a solid team to rely on during tough times.

    So, there you have it. By focusing on greater flexibility and building a better support system, your workplace can become the champion single parents need! Just don’t forget to grab some Timbits for the office along the way.

    Tales of Triumph: Making the Most of Single Parent Skills

    You may not know it, but you possess a treasure trove of valuable skills and experiences that can directly benefit you in the workplace. Let’s see examples showcasing how single parents shine in professional settings.

    Single Parents Shattering the Glass Ceiling

    Esme, a single mom of three, attributes her career successes to the skills she developed as a solo parent in her home. In her resume, she proudly highlights her multitasking abilities, excellent time management, and unwavering trust in her own decisions. 

    These qualities have helped her excel in assignments, leading to amazing results, increased retention, and promotions to PPOs (Preferred Parenting Offices) in her company.

    You can draw from your experience as a single parent to showcase these qualities too. Trust yourself, showcase your productivity, and watch your career grow and prosper.

    Funny yet Inspiring Stories of Single Parent Multitasking

    Life as a single parent is often filled with humorous anecdotes that demonstrate your extraordinary ability to juggle multiple tasks at once. For example, consider the story of a single dad who took conference calls while helping his children with homework. 

    Or how about the single mom who managed to prepare dinner, fold laundry, and provide technical support for her child’s virtual learning simultaneously? I know you’ve been there.

    Incorporate your multitasking skills into your daily work routine. Your colleagues will notice and admire your resourcefulness, ultimately leading to a more productive and efficient work environment.

    Final Thoughts: The Single Parent Force is Strong

    Who said single parents can’t be superheroes in the workplace too? When you do it solo, you possess unique skills and talents that make you an invaluable asset. 

    You’ve nurtured a stellar sense of humour to keep an atmosphere light and enjoyable, even in the face of adversity. This translates well into the workplace, making you a great fit for lively, collaborative environments. 

    Mental health is important, and as a single parent, you know firsthand that handling stress and balancing life’s responsibilities is key. You’re already a pro at time management, prioritizing tasks, and being resourceful in tight situations. 

    Leading by example, your experience with responsibility nurtures a sense of accountability and a strong work ethic. You are keen to find systemic solutions and be innovative in problem-solving.

    Think about negotiating bedtimes or getting your kids to eat their veggies—those are transferable talents that even top management should be envious of!

    Compensation and benefits are important, sure, but as a single parent, you’re focused on more than just the dollar signs. You have a deep understanding of the potential a job can offer and the opportunities it provides for not only yourself but also your family. 

    This means you’re in it for the long haul and will invest in making your workplace a better place for everyone.

    So, take a break with a pumpkin-spiced latte and take pride in the fact that you, as a single-parent professional, bring a unique set of skills and traits to the workplace. The Single Parent Force is strong with you, and your colleagues had better watch out—you might just teach them a thing or two.

    What’s your experience been like as a single parent? Share with the class!

    If you liked this blog, show your appreciation by sharing with your friends and on your social media pages. And if you want to go the extra mile in supporting single parents, check out my online POD store BellaZinga and learn how to embrace neurodiversity.

  • A Dance Recital Like No Other

    A Dance Recital Like No Other

    Last weekend my daughter danced in her studio’s end-of-the-year recital. The show was a success, full of the usual suspects; seasoned performers hip-hopping their way to fame, teeny-weenies out for their dance debut loaded with sparkles and wide-eyed anticipation, and budding street dancers learning the breakdance ropes. 

    While all of these regular recital occurrences are heart-warming, what got me in the “feels” was that I got to watch the entire thing from the audience. 

    This may sound odd, given that my little dancer is not so little anymore. In fact, at nearly twelve, she’s taller than most grown women. And you’re likely now thinking that I’m a total helicopter mom, hovering like there’s no tomorrow, too afraid to cut the apron strings and let my daughter look after herself.

    While that may be true, there’s also another factor to consider. You see, my daughter is neurodivergent; she has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. This means that she is quirky, beautiful and (in my humble opinion) fucking brilliant. 

    It also means she has significant challenges in places and at events that you and your neurotypical kiddos likely take for granted.

    I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. I’ll tell you why.

    Source: Unsplash

    The Extra Steps of Autism

    My daughter doesn’t look any different than your average tween. Given that she is considered Level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers), nothing would cue you that she is any different from a neurotypical child. 

    This is why so many parents of kids on the spectrum get the side-eye, eye-rolls, and just about any other eye-related behaviour from other parents, teachers, doctors, etc. 

    No two children on the spectrum are the same, but let me share with you some of the challenges my daughter has had to overcome in her dance career.

    Motor Difficulties

    You know how kids can effortlessly tie their shoes or change outfits like they’re in a backstage dressing room of a Broadway show? Well, that’s not exactly a walk in the park for my kiddo. 

    With her motor skills functioning a little differently, quickly tying tap shoes or changing sparkly leotards might as well be an Olympic event. And let’s not forget the actual dance numbers. 

    With balance and coordination playing a cheeky game of hide-and-seek, the challenge of mastering those intricate steps is on another level.

    Issues with Working Memory

    Ever tried to keep track of multiple dance numbers, their order, and the steps for each in your head? My daughter tackles this challenge head-on every time she steps onto that stage. 

    Prioritizing tasks and decision-making are like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. The struggle with working memory is real y’all.

    Executive Function Challenges 

    Imagine having a long list of instructions, each more complex than the last. Sound overwhelming? Now, think about how it feels when every day is filled with these lists and not having a freaking clue where to begin or how to put the required steps in order?

    That’s the reality for children like my daughter. Delayed executive function development is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Is it any wonder they get frustrated and lose their shit?

    Emotional Dysregulation

    Feelings for my daughter are like waves during a storm, overwhelming and unpredictable. Her emotions are big, bold, and often challenging to rein in. It’s like riding a roller coaster without a safety bar, thrilling but also a little scary.

    The hardest part as her parent is to watch the shame and guilt play across her features once she has calmed down and realized what she said and did while she was struggling for control. 

    Even though my kiddo is starting to realize that when she gets overwhelmed, her frontal lobe is not in control, and she is in the clutches of her amygdala and the dreaded fight/flight/freeze/fawn (although there is a strong argument for using “feign” instead of fawn) response cycle, she still feels bad about her behaviour after the fact.

    Sensory Sensitivities

    Imagine being at a rock concert, but the music’s too loud, the lights are too bright, and the crowd’s too much. Now, try picturing that every time you’re in a room full of kids or under fluorescent lighting. 

    That’s what my daughter deals with — a world where sounds, smells, and sights can be as piercing as a siren’s call. Because she perceives the world differently and often more intensely, she can experience these sensations as discomfort and even pain.

    Now see yourself at a dance competition or recital, packed together in a dressing room with hundreds of other dancers, all anxious and excited. The steady drum of chatter, shouting, crying, and music would be enough to drive a neurotypical person to drink, let alone someone who’s conditioned to perceive these stimuli as threats! (To clarify, I don’t let my daughter drink…so don’t come for me!)

    Problems Reading Social Cues

    Reading social cues for my daughter is like deciphering hieroglyphics without a Rosetta Stone. It’s tough not knowing how to fit into the social puzzle, feeling isolated in a room full of chattering children. 

    But thank the goddess for our dance studio. Through careful attention to fostering a climate and culture of family and inclusion, they have helped my daughter fit in every step of the way. I wish I could say the same for our previous studio, but that’s another story for another time. (And perhaps that aforementioned drink)

    Triumph in the Dressing Room

    Usually, I am my daughter’s special assistant in the dressing room. My job is to make sure she can navigate quick changes, take a sensory break if necessary, calm her in case of overwhelming nervousness to prevent meltdowns and help her navigate the environment and pressure around her.

    I always ask my kiddo if she wants me there with her in the dressing room or if she’d like to try it on her own, as I’m trying to foster independence and push her boundaries, but I want her to feel ready for it.

    So I wasn’t surprised when she asked me to be her special dressing room assistant once again. 

    I don’t mind this, but the fact is, it is usually only my daughter and me at these events. So when I’m below in a dressing room, I am not in the audience to hoot, holler, yell, and clap for her when she’s onstage. And that means she has no one in the audience to do that for her. 

    As you can imagine, for an only child who seldom sees her father and sees ALL the other families full of siblings and relatives attending, this is hard for both of us.

    Still, I was prepared. I’d created extra lists for my l’il dancer with the order of her numbers, all carefully highlighted. I’d labelled each of her dance bags carefully, even crafting numbers to hang on each hanger so it would be easier to see which one was next.

    I’d done all the things necessary to ensure a seamless experience. I’d packed all my kiddo’s sensory stuff, like headphones, earbuds, fidget spinners, a tablet and a charger, not to mention a cell phone. You name it; we were ready.

    Then, suddenly, as we were setting her bag up in her designated space, my daughter shot me an “I’m so embarrassed my mom is here look” and started shooing me away.

    I have to admit. I froze, unsure if I was actually seeing what I thought I was. 

    Sure enough, my daughter wanted me to leave her alone so she could hang with her dance friends. When I asked if she could handle the quick changes, she said she could, and I should leave her alone.

    Source: Pexels

    A New Perspective: Joining the Audience

    I just about cried. Partly, if I’m being honest, because this was a huge hurdle, and it meant my baby was growing up, which is difficult for every mama bear, neurodivergent or neurotypical alike.

    But partly because of the overwhelming sense of relief and freedom to sit and enjoy myself at a function. Whether it was a family dinner, a holiday gathering, a school assembly, or a dance recital, I had yet been unable to do this.

    I don’t think you can understand how it feels to always be alone when you’re the parent of a kiddo on the spectrum. Because your child is more, needs more, and demands more, you have to give more, be available more, be more organized, be more prepared, be more calm…I think you get the picture.

    This sense of being an uber parent is not conducive to sitting and having a cocktail at a dinner party, socializing with family at a Christmas get-together, or watching your daughter shine onstage at dance recitals.

    Until last week.

    And shine, she did. Although it was hard to see from the tears in my eyes. (I’m not crying, you’re crying)

    Parenting on the Spectrum Means You Celebrate the Ordinary Moments as if They Were Extraordinary

    My daughter did it on her own, and I couldn’t be prouder. You see, for parents like me, we don’t just celebrate the recitals or awards. We celebrate the moments when our children prove to the world, and more importantly to themselves, that they are so much more than a label.

    We celebrate when they show their strength and resilience in the face of adversity and face the challenges of a world that can be overwhelmingly stacked against them.

    So yes, I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. Not because it’s a luxury but because it’s a testament to the beautiful, quirky, brilliant girl my daughter has become. And how damn proud I am of her.

    If you want to share some ordinary yet extraordinary moments with your neurodivergent child, comment below, and follow me for more blogs!

    Better yet, why not check out my online store, BellaZinga (inspired by my daughter and her neverending one-liners) for some merch with a side of neurodivergent sass? While you’re there, you can download my eBook “Friends Beyond Differences: Embracing Neurodiversity.” 

    It’s an engaging guide written specifically for neurotypical kids aged 6-12 to help them understand and embrace their neurodiverse peers.

    And remember, our differences make us unique, but our humanity binds us together. Let’s ensure every child, regardless of their neurotype, feels accepted, loved, and capable of dancing their own unique rhythm.

    Shine on, my beautiful neurodiverse kiddos.

    Shine on.

  • ADHD Symptoms You Might Not Know About

    ADHD Symptoms You Might Not Know About

    It’s been another tough week for my neurodivergent kiddo. Well, if I’m being truthful, it’s been a difficult few months capping off a lifetime of difficulties. From her feelings of isolation to medication moodiness, school avoidance, and everything in between, it sometimes feels like she’s always swimming upstream, and I’m powerless to help her.

    So, I decided to hit up my trusty laptop and use my voice to hopefully make the world a little more educated about the troubles children like my daughter endure. My hope is by providing information about conditions like ADHD and ASD, I might help the world be a kinder, more accepting place for my daughter and other children like her. 

    I decided to start with ADHD, as I feel this is a disorder that many people don’t take seriously enough. As a figure skating coach with thirty years of experience, I can attest to the lack of training and understanding I had when I was coaching. And I can attest to the tone-deaf techniques and coaching methods still used today for kids that think differently.

    Given that ADHD affects between 5%-9% of all children and 3%-5% of all adults, we all need to do our part to learn how to help and support those suffering from this chronic disorder. In this blog, we’ll look at some of the lesser-known symptoms of ADHD that you might not know about. 

    So, buckle up, and let’s get started!

    A Quick Refresher

    Are you familiar with ADHD? Well, if you’re not, here’s a quick primer. ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects your ability to focus and stay on task. 

    It’s caused by a mix of environmental and genetic factors. It can cause executive functioning, working memory, organization, and emotional regulation deficits. When it comes to what regular people know about ADHD, the most common symptom is hyperactivity. 

    This is because it’s the most visible symptom and often leads to disruptive behaviors in the classroom (and elsewhere!). But there’s more to ADHD than hyperactivity; other symptoms include difficulty with procrastination, impulsivity, inattention, and forgetfulness. 

    So, now that you have a refresher on what ADHD is, let’s get into the lesser-known symptoms you might not be aware of.

    8 Lesser Known Symptoms of ADHD

    We all know about the difficulty regulating attention and the hyperactivity that often comes with ADHD (at least, you should by now unless you’ve been hanging out under a rock?), but there are so many other challenges presented by this condition. 

    Let’s examine some of them in more detail; after all, the more you know…

    1. Time Blindness

    People with ADHD focus on the NOW to the exclusion of everything else. This is because their brains have difficulty processing time as a concept, leading to a condition called “time blindness.” 

    Its symptoms include: 

    • Being unable to tell time so that appointments and deadlines are forgotten or arrive unexpectedly 
    • Difficulty organizing tasks in a logical order 
    • Not being able to anticipate the future or plan ahead 
    • Feeling as if time is passing too quickly or too slowly 
    • Difficulty with transitions and moving on to the next activity 

    Time blindness is more than just bad timing; it’s a severe impairment that can lead to procrastination, missed deadlines, and a lot of frustration. 

    If your ears are perking up at any of these behaviours, reach out to your doctor about ways to manage time blindness. Taking this issue seriously is essential because it can considerably impact your life.

    1. Executive Function Disorder

    Ah, executive function disorder. It’s the bane of many people’s existence, yet few know what it is. Executive function disorder (EFD) is a symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that hampers the ability to plan, organize, and manage tasks. 

    What is executive function?

    Executive function disorder is an ADHD symptom that is often overlooked. It’s like the forgotten stepchild of ADHD — but don’t worry, it can still get all the attention it needs. It might make it easier to define executive function as the ability to get stuff done.

    EFD affects the brain’s ability to plan, organize, and complete tasks. It’s as if the brain is constantly saying, “I’m not sure what to do next!” To put it in simple terms, imagine having a bunch of little elves in your head, all running around in different directions, and none of them know what they’re doing!

    What causes EFD?

    The root cause of EF disorder is an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. Basically, the brain isn’t firing off the right signals to the right parts of the brain. This can lead to needing help staying focused, organizing thoughts, and completing tasks.

    For those with EFD, tasks that may seem easy to others can feel like monumental challenges. It’s easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed when you just can’t keep up with the demands of daily life. 

    Psst…remember this the next time you feel your blood pressure rise when your child’s room looks like a warzone yet again. They actually have a brain-based reason for struggling to clean their room. 

    But it’s important to remember that EFD is manageable. With the proper correct accommodations and strategies, you can learn to manage your child’s symptoms and help them live a successful life.

    1. Social Anxiety

    Another symptom you may not be so familiar with is social anxiety. That’s right—ADHD can actually cause social anxiety. If you have ADHD, you may be hyper-aware of your surroundings, causing you to be highly anxious in social situations. 

    You might be more self-conscious than usual and worry that everyone is judging you or watching your every move. Or, you might have trouble interpreting social cues, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language, making it challenging to “fit in” with your peers. This social anxiety can be tough on kids and teens. 

    They’re already dealing with the stress of growing up, and this extra layer of anxiety can be overwhelming. Fortunately, with effort and learned strategies, anxiety can be managed. Working with a trained professional to develop coping skills and learning how to better regulate your emotions can make a huge difference. 

    4. Trouble Getting to Sleep

    Sleep issues are a common symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that often go unnoticed. While it’s well-known that people with ADHD have difficulty concentrating and staying focused, many don’t realize that these issues can affect their sleeping patterns. 

    Struggling to sleep is a common issue for those with ADHD, but it can be especially problematic for those who don’t realize why they’re having trouble. Whether it’s due to racing thoughts, difficulty winding down, or an inability to “shut off” their mind, those with ADHD often find themselves in a catch-22 when it comes to getting a good night’s rest. 

    Don’t fret; there are plenty of strategies to help those with ADHD get to sleep more easily. Whether setting a strict bedtime routine, sticking to a regular sleep schedule, or even taking medication, there are many ways to get the restful sleep you need. So don’t let ADHD stop you from getting the rest you deserve!

    1. Poor Working Memory

    If you think ADHD only affects kids in the classroom, you better think again! Poor working memory—one of the lesser-known symptoms of ADHD—can cause significant problems for adults, too. It’s not just about forgetting your car keys or where you left your phone. 

    Poor working memory can affect your ability to remember instructions, recall details, and complete tasks. If your career requires you to juggle multiple tasks, this can be a real problem. 

    Again, this is where proper tactics and techniques can help improve your working memory. Things like breaking down large tasks into smaller steps, using lists to keep track of what you need to do, and using reminders (like notes or alarms) can all help you stay organized and on-task. 

    If you think poor working memory might be the culprit behind your disorganization or difficulty completing tasks, it’s worth talking to a doctor or therapist about your symptoms. With appropriate strategies and support, you can find ways to manage your ADHD and get back on track.

    1. Emotional Dysregulation

    The typical picture in everyone’s minds when they think of ADHD, is of kids bouncing off the walls, not being able to sit still, and having difficulty focusing. But what many people don’t realize is that kids with ADHD can also have trouble regulating their emotions. 

    So, what exactly is emotional dysregulation? Basically, it’s when someone’s emotions are all out of whack. They might feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, or all of the above, and they don’t have the tools to calm themselves down. 

    This is known as emotional dysregulation, which can be incredibly difficult for kids (and adults!) to manage.

    What is emotional dysregulation? 

    This condition can lead to outbursts, meltdowns, and other disruptive behaviours. It’s important to note that emotional dysregulation isn’t a character flaw; it’s a symptom of ADHD. It happens because of how the brain is wired, meaning it’s not something the person can control. 

    That’s why it’s essential to find strategies to help kids with ADHD manage their emotions. Some approaches to help kids with ADHD regulate their emotions include:

    • Deep breathing
    • Taking a break
    • Distraction
    • Mindfulness exercises
    • Talking through their feelings
    • Exercise

    Another great tip is to create a plan for handling big emotions in advance so that everyone knows what to do when they feel overwhelmed. 

    Emotional dysregulation can be incredibly difficult to manage, but it is possible. With the right tools, kids with ADHD can learn to regulate their emotions and lead happy balanced lives.

    1. Poor Self-Esteem

    It’s not news to anyone that having ADHD can significantly impact one’s self-esteem. From the constant barrage of criticism from teachers, peers, and even family members for not living up to their expectations to the inner dialogue of self-doubt and feeling like you’re just not good enough, having ADHD can take a toll on one’s self-confidence. 

    But what causes poor self-esteem in those with ADHD, and how can parents and caregivers help their children feel better about themselves? 

    One of the most critical components of low self-esteem in those with ADHD is feeling “less than.” Whether at school, the arena, or even among peers, those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often feel less intelligent, talented, or capable than those around them. 

    This feeling of inadequacy can be exacerbated by their difficulty completing tasks or performing to the same level as their peers, leading to a downward spiral of negative self-talk and self-doubt. 

    Luckily, there are steps caregivers can take to help their child cope with and manage the feelings of low self-esteem associated with ADHD. 

    • First, it’s important to recognize that it’s not the child’s fault—it’s the ADHD. 
    • Acknowledge that your child is doing their best and that trying their best is enough. 
    • Next, focus on their strengths and successes, no matter how small. It helps to build their confidence and reminds them that they are capable. 
    • Finally, encourage them to set realistic goals for themselves and celebrate the small steps they take toward reaching those goals. 

    With patience, understanding, and a little love, you can help your child with ADHD find self-confidence and feel better about themselves.

    8. Trouble Getting Out of the Zone

    It’s no secret that the symptoms of ADHD disrupt lives, but there’s one symptom that often goes overlooked: zoning out. You know how it goes—you’re in the middle of a conversation, and suddenly you’re lost in thought, only to come back to reality with no clue what the other person just said. 

    What is zoning out?

    While zoning out is common in everyone, it can be a particularly frustrating symptom of ADHD. So, what is zoning out? It’s a distraction period that can last from a few moments to a few hours. It’s like a mini-escape from reality that can happen without warning. 

    During this time, you can be unresponsive and unaware of your surroundings, and it can be hard to snap out of it. 

    Why do you zone out?

    So, what causes zoning out? It has many triggers, including boredom, fatigue, or overwhelming emotions. It can also be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, such as depression or anxiety. 

    Here are some ways to prevent or lessen your “zone-out time” each day:

    • Taking consistent, daily time-outs can help reduce fatigue and give your brain a chance to recover. 
    • Being mindful of your emotions can also help. If you notice the overwhelm taking over, draw a few deep breaths and focus on the present moment. 
    • Finally, talking to a professional can help you better understand the underlying cause of the zoning out and provide you with helpful strategies to manage it. 

    Zoning out may not be the most disruptive of the ADHD symptoms, but it can still be a source of frustration. Understanding what causes it and how to manage it can help prevent it from becoming a problem.

    Now You Know a Little More About ADHD

    It’s clear that ADHD presents itself in many different forms, and it can be challenging to identify the symptoms in yourself or a loved one. But now that you know more about what it looks like, you’re in a better position to recognize and help those in need. 

    If you or someone you know is living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it’s vital to seek help and resources to better manage the condition. No one should have to suffer through the symptoms of ADHD alone, so take the time to do your research and find the right support network. 

    Remember, the more you know about ADHD, the better equipped you are to help those around you. So take the time to learn more about this complex condition and how you can help those living with it.

  • Challenges and Rewards of Raising a Neurodivergent Child as a Single Mom

    Challenges and Rewards of Raising a Neurodivergent Child as a Single Mom

    Raising a neurodivergent child as a single mother can be a roller coaster, full of unique challenges and rewarding moments. As a single mom to a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and generalized anxiety, I’ve had more than my fair share of struggles. Keep reading for a few examples of the unexpected twists and turns you might encounter on this journey.

    Challenges of Raising a Neurodivergent Child

    Let’s look at the difficulties of raising a neurodivergent child as a single mom first. As much as I’d love to say it’s all sunshine and flowers, it’s not, and you will find some obstacles you both have to overcome. Here are a few I’ve found:

    Your child’s special interest becomes your special interest

    As a neurodivergent child, your little one might have a deep passion for a particular subject or activity. And as a single mom, you’re the primary source of support and encouragement. So get ready to become an expert on everything from Pokémon to medieval history, even if it’s not your usual jam.

    My daughter’s special interests to date have been:

    • Dinosaurs
    • Geisha girls (she was young, so I made sure to describe them as, ahem, party planners)
    • The Titanic (please don’t ask me how many times I’ve seen the movie!)
    • Henry VIII and his wives
    • HAMILTON!!!
    • Six the Musical (guess she never left Henry and his wives behind)
    • Fashion and make-up trends through each decade
    • MUSIC!!!!

    I’ve found that if you tie special interests into the learning process for school, or daily activities, it helps keep kids interested in the activity and more excited about learning.

    Unexpected meltdowns in public

    Neurodivergent children can sometimes react intensely to sensory stimuli or changes in routine. And as the only parent present, you’re the one there to help them through it. In other words, it’s alllllll you, mama!  So be prepared for some interesting looks from strangers as you calmly–or not so calmly, who are we kidding–talk your child down from a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store.

    Judgment from, well, everybody

    Let’s face it, people will judge you. I wish it were otherwise, but you will discover that everyone and their dog will have an opinion–usually an uneducated one–about how you should discipline your child. From well-meaning teachers who have a few days’ worths of training and think themselves an expert to parents stuck in the more traditional child-rearing path, you will feel their criticism, which will cut to the bone. I wish it were otherwise, believe me, but better to be prepared for it than not.

    Everything is a masterclass in psychological strategy

    From anxiety to school avoidance to demand avoidance, these are terms you will get intimately familiar with. You will also have to throw everything you know or think you know about parenting out the window. Parenting a child who isn’t physically or mentally able to regulate their attention or emotions, follow instructions, or plan ahead is another level of parenting. 

    You will have suggestions and strategies thrown at you from every corner. From ABA therapy to reward charts to visual prompts, you’ll become an expert at it all. Some of these suggested techniques may take a LOT of your time and energy. Not a word of a lie, but one specialist gave me a 14-page set of instructions to implement a reward system for my child. 

    14 @#$% pages! 

    Clearly, he is not a single parent and doesn’t understand the first thing about our struggles or level of overwhelm! So mama, when this happens to you–and I guarantee it will–take a breath and remember that you can choose the right strategy for you and your child, so-called experts be damned.

    Rewards of Raising a Neuroatypical Kiddo

    Okay, now the doom and gloom part is over, I’ve got good news. You will have many feel-good moments raising your special needs child, and the best advice I can give you is to cherish every accomplishment, no matter how big or how small. 

    Those moments of success, whether they are finally brushing their teeth by themselves, or making a new friend at school, will make all the difference in your ability to cope with the struggle. Here are a few more perks I’ve encountered:

    Your child’s unique perspective enriches your life 

    Neurodiversity is beautiful, and your child’s unique way of thinking and experiencing the world can open your eyes to new possibilities. You might find yourself laughing at their quirky sense of humor, being inspired by their creative ideas, or simply enjoying their unique perspective on life. 

    And don’t forget the embarrassment that comes from them announcing loudly to perfect strangers that you need to fix your roots. I promise you will laugh about it later, much later.

    You become a fierce advocate for your child

    As a single mom, you’re the only one standing up for your child regarding their education, healthcare, and overall well-being. And that means you become a social justice warrior for their rights and needs, learning everything there is to know about neurodiversity and fighting to ensure they have the support they need to thrive. 

    So be prepared to be “that” parent, and don’t stress if others see you as “that” parent. Sometimes we have to be “that” parent to get any help, and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

    Your child teaches you resilience and flexibility

    Raising a neurodivergent child as a single mom can be tough, but it can also teach you valuable lessons about picking your battles and not sweating the small stuff. They don’t want to wear a coat today even though you’re freezing? No problem, pack it in their backpack in case they need it.

    They only eat chicken fingers morning, noon, and night? (I’m convinced this is the universal symbol for autism btw) No sweat, search for the healthiest brand you can find and try to balance out their meal with less processed foods too. (A good multivitamin and probiotic yogurt also help to keep things even keel). 

    You might find yourself adapting to unexpected challenges, learning to roll with the punches, and ultimately becoming a stronger, more open-minded person.

    You will find a new tribe

    Help is out there, I promise. You don’t have to do this alone. Search on social media for groups of other single parents and parents of children with special needs. As much as we like to rely on our neurotypical friends for support, sometimes we need to find people who are living our experience. These people will understand what you and your child are going through and will likely have some advice to share. 

    Likewise, don’t be afraid to reach out for resources and funding; if you’re unsure where to start, ask someone who’s already been there. There is aid available to you; it’s not always easy to find, but if you search hard enough–I know, one more thing to add to your already overflowing plate–you will find it!

    Be Prepared for the Roller Coaster

    In short, raising a neurodivergent child as a single mother can be challenging, but it can also be gratifying. You’ll have to navigate some unique obstacles, but you’ll also have the opportunity to experience the world in a whole new way and become your child’s ride-or-die, so you may as well buckle up and enjoy the ride!

    What’s your experience been like as a single mom to a neurodivergent child? Did I miss anything? Make sure to like, share and comment so we can support each other!

  • Why We Judge

    Why We Judge

    I’ve been thinking lately about judgment.  What it is, how often we do it, WHY we do it to others, and how it makes us feel when others judge us.  The sad fact is, as a parent to a child with special needs, and in particular a neuro-diverse child where the disability is on the inside and not apparent from the outside, I have experienced more than my fair share of judgment.

    According to the great God Google, judgment is defined as “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions”.  I find this rather ironic, since more often than not, the conclusions made about single parents, and particularly single parents of children with ANY type of exceptionality contain neither consideration or common sense. 

    Judgment is not necessarily a bad thing.  Let’s face it, we make 1000 judgments a day just to stay alive and maintain a peaceful existence. We judge if we have enough time to make the light safely before it turns red, we judge what food is safe to eat in our refrigerator and what could have spoiled and therefore give us food poisoning, we judge if it is safe to go outside during a thunderstorm, and we judge if it is the right time  to ask our boss for that raise based on her mood that day.

    Thousands of judgments. Every day.

    These types of judgments are necessary for survival and the propagation of the human race, after all, 50,000 years ago, our prehistoric ancestors made the judgment:

    SABRE-TOOTH TIGERS=BAD

    RUNNING AWAY=GOOD

    ……..thus ensuring our existence today. Judgment is necessary for us to navigate the world we’re in and reduce stress.  Hopefully judgments allow us to relate to each other and foster healthy relationships with like minded people.

    Yet, the judgment on my mind is that other kind of judgment.  The malicious kind.  The kind where someone decides that they know better than you, despite knowing nothing about your circumstances, your history, or your challenges.  The type that makes you question yourself and your actions.

    You all know what I mean, because every one of you reading this has been the victim of this kind of judgment.

    I remember when my daughter was three.  She was very musically inclined, so I enrolled her in a musical exploration class in town.  The class was wonderful, mothers and fathers, sitting in a group with their toddlers, singing songs, pantomiming, marching, playing with numerous toys and instruments that had been strewn about.

    The instructor was also lovely, and made a point of asking parents not to interfere or “tell” our children what to do, but to simply model the songs and dances required and allow them to explore and determine what they wanted to do.

    During one exercise the toddlers were expected to sit on our laps as we sat in a circle singing a song.  For one particular part of the song, we were required to help the children jump up and down in front of us.

    The instructor asked for my daughter to demonstrate.  Now, I have always known my daughter had excessive energy, even from birth, she now has an official diagnosis of ADHD, anxiety, plus the possibility of giftedness with, I suspect, some sensory processing issues.  Needless to say, she was a handful, and I was doing the best I could to navigate and guide her behavior to the very best of my ability.

    So, when the instructor in this small musical gathering asked for my child to demonstrate the song and sit on her lap, I was nervous, but I did my best to follow her instructions about not getting too controlling.

    Well, my daughter jumped alright, even when she wasn’t supposed to.  I watched as this poor woman did her best to control my kamikaze munchkin as she pistoned up and down on her legs, alternating between crazy bursts of height and then collapsing and giggling like a rag doll in her arms.  I didn’t know whether to take my daughter from her arms or not; I was of course embarrassed (and slightly bemused) by her behavior. I was a spectator, frozen, wincing at my daughter’s antics, and not knowing what the teacher wanted me to do.  So, I watched, mortified, until the song was done.

    Hurriedly, I rushed in to grab my daughter from the red-faced and obviously frustrated teacher. I quietly mumbled, sorry, she has a LOT of energy. She took a breath, and very loudly, in front of everyone in the group declared. “You have GOT to learn to control her.”

    I sucked in my breath, stunned, holding my daughter and feeling assaulted. Everyone in the room was watching.  I could feel my cheeks getting red. 

    Keeping my cool the best I could, I said, “I control her quite well, thank you very much.”

    I’m sure the look on my face was something to see, because she immediately looked away and continued with the lesson.

    I left that class feeling worthless as a mother.  I had been judged and found wanting, and worse; I had been called out in front of my peers.  Even though intellectually I knew I had done the best I could to monitor and control my daughter’s behavior her entire life, all it took was one comment from someone who knew nothing about my daughter, or our struggles, to make me doubt myself.

    Where does this come from?  Why do we do this to each other?  I know I’ve done it, despite my best efforts. It’s easy to decide something about someone based on YOUR experiences and YOUR knowledge, and hard to actually take a SECOND to put yourself in THEIR shoes. Let’s face it, who has time to ask someone about their life experiences before making a split-second decision about their behavior? We are all guilty of passing judgment.

    According to Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D., from Psychology Today, these judgments are termed “attributions” and are basically thoughts we have that help us explain the reason behind others behaviors.

    As we go through our day, we tend to form two different types of attributions:

    Situational Attributions, where we make allowances for a person’s situation as the cause of their behavior. This allows for some fluidity, as a person’s situation can change, and gives us permission to look more favorably on a person or judge them less harshly.

    Personality Attributions, where we see the person’s personality as being the cause of the particular behavior. This tends to be a more fixed attribute, after all personality doesn’t change much does it? (I won’t get into all of the different theories of personality here, it’s been a loooong time since my personality psych class)

    So far so good. 

    This makes sense, right?

    But the article goes on to explain some pitfalls we encounter because of our tendencies to create these attributions.

    It seems that with strangers, we tend to give more weight to their personality being a factor in their behavior rather than the situation they are in. Since a person’s personality is more fixed and less fluid than their situation, this makes for some pretty damning attributions being made about that person.

    Conversely, we tend to give more weight to the situational explanations or attributions for things than personality attributions when we are dealing with the behavior of friends and family.

    So, in plain speak, we tend to give our friends the benefit of the doubt….. strangers…. NOT SO MUCH.

    And from here it gets even worse. When we have already established negative personality attributions or causes for behavior from someone we do not know well, we tend to subconsciously look for further proof to validate our beliefs when we see them again. This is called “confirmation bias“, where we unconsciously look for things that “confirm our existing beliefs.

    Accordingly, we filter out good behavior that would allow us to make positive attributions, and only attend to negative personality attributes for poor behavior, which we see as fixed and unchanging. This then only solidifies our judgement of them and sets us up to only focus on negative or personality attributes in the future.

    And so, the vicious cycle begins.

    In short, we see what we want to see, to hell with the truth.

    This brings me back to two questions, why do we make judgments about others, and why has it been on my mind so much recently?

    • Well, for one, I lost a good friend of mine just recently over her judgment of me and my parenting.
    • That same week an acquaintance of mine on Facebook was brought to tears at a baseball game.  As a single mother, she finally felt her 12 year old was old enough to leave at her ballgame while she went for a run.  Upon return, she was openly and loudly lectured and berated by an official from the team.  Needless to say, she was devastated.

    Both of these cases involved people who made judgments before even attempting to put themselves in our shoes.

    In the case of my close friend, who has a loving husband, a great job, a steady and large income, and gets to be a step-parent with the help of her husband and the other parents they share custody with, she felt she could judge me and my parenting by spending two days with my daughter and I and only slightly understanding the challenges I was facing.

    It all came about after we had too many cocktails our final night together. She made the very generous offer of flying myself and her to Mexico on her dime the following month. I was very thankful and told her so, but I needed to look at our commitments, and figure out when I could find adequate child care for my daughter. In addition, since I’m a contract worker, I have to figure out where I can find other work to balance the time I take off so I don’t lose too much income.

    She couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just leave my daughter with my parents for 5 days, even though they are 75 and my daughter is a handful on the best of days. I calmly asked her if we could talk about it when we were sober, but she then hinted that I should fly my daughter across the country to her fathers house to stay with him. My daughter talks to her father often on the phone, but has not spent more than a weekend with him at any one time, and only once yearly at that, so I thought she would understand why I was hesitant to fly my special needs daughter across the country to stay with him.

    She was having none of my “excuses” as she called them. And it escalated from there. She started spewing venom at me that became more and more hurtful the longer her diatribe against me went on.

    In her eyes, I was a failure, trust me, she made it clear……she actually, flat-out called me a failure.  (I believe she also called me fat, and a waste.)  She asked what had happened to me.  She screamed that everything was about my daughter and my life had gone nowhere.  And she ended it with a drunken “fuck you and fuck your daughter.”

    I kid you not.

    I’m still in shock about the ferocity and aggressiveness of the encounter.  I have another friend as a witness to the whole exchange, and she was also stunned. 

    In the end, my decision was easy.  I have no room in my life for someone who can’t understand what it is like to be the single parent of a special needs’ child.  She can’t understand the decisions I have to make every day, the self-doubt I harbor, or the struggle it is to provide the kind of monitoring, mentoring and advocating you have to provide EVERY.DAMN.DAY to a child that is hypersensitive, anxious, and struggles with focus, self-regulation and executive functioning. 

    I was more concerned about my acquaintance on Facebook, and the unfair treatment she had received at the hands of someone who was supposed to be promoting all the values of youth sport like team-work, understanding, guidance, balance, and patience.  You see, I know this woman, and she is fully invested in her child.  I see how hard she works to provide for her child, and how much she cares.

    Most importantly, as a single mother myself,  I KNOW how hard it is to find the time for self-care. 

    For her to try to look after herself, to FOR ONCE put herself first, and then to have to face the very public tirade of shame she was subjected to is simply unacceptable.

    Moms and dads everywhere.  Let’s make a pact.  Let’s only allow people in our lives that refuse to pass judgement on others. And when we see someone having their darkest day, let’s shine some hope, and attribute their behaviour to difficult circumstances.

    Let’s offer a hand, a shoulder, and some hope, instead of being THAT person who simply puts others down.

    “He that is without sin can cast the first stone.” John 8

    Have you ever been the victim of unfair judgments?  Let me know in the comments section.

    If you like my blogs, please, share with your friends!

  • A Product Review for the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    A Product Review for the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    Product:  Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    Price:  $129.29 CDN

    Cheapest Place to Buy:  Amazon.ca

    My Rating:  10/10

    Overview:  I’ve seen the Fitbit monitors around for a couple of years, and finally decided it was time to find out what all the fuss was about.  I’m so glad I did.  I love my Fit bit with all of it’s many features. In the tap of a finger I can see the steps I have completed each day, my heart rate, the calories I have burned, my activity per hour and even the different sleep cycles I had the night before.  As a single mother and busy coach, sometimes we put our needs last when it comes down to taking care of our health and the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor is the perfect antidote to this.  In addition, there is a handy app you can download that gathers and assimilates all the information from your device wirelessly, gives you an incredible amount of information, provides goals and motivation, AND connects you with other users.  What’s not to love?

    Best Feature: This device works because it increases your AWARENESS of your daily habits and gives you the tools and information you need to lead a healthy lifestyle.  If you aren’t moving enough each hour, you will get a gentle reminder from your device to move.  If you reach your step goal for the day, your Fitbit Alta HR celebrates with you.  This device is the best way to condition your behaviour, create healthy habits, and maintain those habits.

    Pros:  As a newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia sufferer, the sleep stages function has been invaluable to me.  As anyone with Fibromyalgia, depression or both knows, there is a direct link between sleep, chronic pain and illness.  Being able to track the hours I sleep, the time spent in wakefulness, light sleep, deep sleep and REM sleep is invaluable to me.  I can greater predict flare ups when I know I’ve had a bad night and very little deep sleep.  And the app takes this data one step further, by giving me a 30-day average for my sleep, as well as comparing my data with the average percentages for my age group.  On top of this, both the device and the corresponding app are incredibly user-friendly and easy to navigate.

    Cons:  Sometimes I don’t like to wear a watch or bracelet, which makes it difficult to track my habits.  I would love to see a version of this device as a necklace or choker. Also, I find sometimes you must tap the screen in J-U-S-T the right way to get it to respond, however, this is not a problem that takes away from my enjoyment of the device.

    Conclusion:  There is a reason this device and corresponding app is so popular.  The Fitbit Alta HR is a great way to monitor your lifestyle and adapt your habits for a healthier you!