BellaZinga.Blog

Author: Jill Wismer

  • The Hidden Crisis: Autism and Relational Bullying

    The Hidden Crisis: Autism and Relational Bullying

    It’s the second day of school, and my stomach is clenched tight, a cold knot of fury radiating from within and extending through my fingers as I type. Within hours of my daughter’s first day of school, her frenemy, AKA her bully, was at her again.

    I’d like to say I handled it well. I did not.

    You see, this isn’t the first time my daughter has experienced a put-down, slight, or attempt at ostracism from this particular ex-friend. It’s not even the tenth. We’ve gone through two years of dealing with this relational bullying, and the effects on my daughter have been devastating.

    Because my daughter is on the autism spectrum and has ADHD, she is more at risk of being a target of mean girls and queen bees. I’d like to say the data on this is incorrect. I can’t. Throughout her short life, my vibrant, unique, intelligent daughter has always been targeted by those kids for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest cause is that she’s different.

    My daughter is ASD Level 1, which means you wouldn’t know she’s autistic by looking at her. This invisible difference makes it easy for others to target her for being different without understanding the neurological reasons behind those differences.

    And, of course, girls, in particular, are the worst when it comes to cruelty. I experienced mean girl behaviour daily in elementary school, making detachment and objectivity very difficult to find after a lifetime of being targeted myself and observing a lifetime of my daughter being targeted by her tormenters.

    Evidence shows over 60% of children and young adults with autism experience bullying. Among them, high schoolers are most likely to be bullied. School-aged children on the autism spectrum who do not need special health care and those from disadvantaged neighbourhoods are also more likely to be bullied than other autistic children.

    This article will explore the effects of bullying and relational bullying, particularly for children with autism, through an intimate and personal lens. We’ll cover what bullying and relational bullying are, their effects on children, the emotional challenges parents face alongside their bullied tweens, and how to deal with them.

    Together, let’s explore how we can protect children with autism from bullying and help them grow up resilient, confident, and safe. 

    Two girls sit in a school classrom. One of them is whispering behind her hand to the other.

    Source: Pexels

    How Do We Define Bullying?

    The word “bully” prompts a knee-jerk reaction from parents. After all, no one wants to think their child might be guilty of bullying behaviour. The truth is, many kids are bullies, and many are bullied, and sometimes tweens can fall in between and become both victim and perpetrator.

    So, what exactly is bullying, and how do we know we are using the term correctly? 

    Bullying is defined as aggressive behaviour intended to cause fear, harm, distress, or create an uncomfortable environment for someone. It often involves repeated behaviours and an imbalance of power between the perpetrator and the victim. 

    This power difference could suggest a difference in age, grade or physical size. Bullying behaviour can take on many forms aside from physical or verbal abuse, such as: 

    • Excluding or isolating a person 
    • Spreading rumours or doing things to embarrass someone 
    • Using technology (texts, emails, social media) to harass someone 
    • Taking or damaging property 

    When it comes to girls on the spectrum, they are especially vulnerable to relational bullying or “mean girl” type behaviours due to their difficulty in making friends and their social awkwardness. 

    This dynamic can put them at risk of becoming the target of gossip and exclusion. Girls with autism may also be more susceptible to humiliation or intentional humiliation due to their sometimes associated language and communication difficulties.

    In my daughter’s case, her ex-friend wields her control over her friend group to exclude her and takes every opportunity to dismiss my daughter’s accomplishments, make her feel bad about herself, and stress how no one likes her.

    This type of bullying, called relational aggression, seems to be the weapon of choice in “girl world.” (If you grew up in girl world, I know you can relate). Let’s take a closer look. 

    Defining Relational Aggression

    As a child, I was bullied relentlessly in elementary school. I was an easy target. I wasn’t that cute (I grew into my looks later, fortunately); I was a smartypants who used big words and trained as a competitive figure skater. 

    This meant I missed more school days than I was there for coaching and practice sessions, making it harder for me to fit in or even defend myself on the days I was absent from the rumours created by my nemeses. 

    Of course, add that I was perceived as a – gasp! – goody-goody who didn’t smoke or kiss boys, and I had the perfect combination of traits that made me stand out. 

    And not in a good way.

    It was common to go to school and have not one person talk to me the entire day upon instructions from our “queen bee.” This included my supposed best friend, who would turn her back when I begged her to speak to me. 

    Then there were the whispers behind my back, the giggles and jokes made at my expense, and the put-downs. To this day, I struggle with self-esteem issues and setting boundaries.

    Unfortunately, this incredibly unfair form of bullying is quite common, especially among girls. Also known as “relational bullying,” it is an insidious type of abuse that differs from traditional bullying and involves more subtle forms of aggression, such as exclusion or spreading rumours. 

    This harassment is used to damage someone’s relationships or social status and is often more challenging to detect as it is much less overt. It can be devastatingly effective as these relational behaviours can damage people’s self-esteem and leave them feeling isolated in a way that can be harder to overcome than traditional physical bullying. 

    Children with autism – who may already have difficulty in social situations or picking up on complex social cues – can be especially vulnerable, as they may misread social signals or have a harder time communicating. 

    Peggy Moss at Empowering Parents lists the following as possible types of relational bullying: 

    • Intimidation 
    • Exclusion 
    • Spreading rumours 
    • Putting down others in a group setting 
    • Gossiping about others 
    • Outcasting
    • Humiliating 
    • Cyberbullying
    • Backstabbing

    These kinds of behaviours can have serious potential consequences, including depression, anxiety, physical health problems, and increased risk for conduct problems. 

    At the same time, though, it is crucial to recognize that the effects of relational bullying can be overcome. It is, after all, a form of abuse that can be identified and addressed. 

    It takes time and hard work, but raising awareness can help young girls know the signs to look out for and how to react to such bullying constructively.

    Source: Pexels

    Why Are ASD Level 1 Girls So Susceptible to Relational Aggression?

    It might help to understand why kids with Level I autism are more at risk than their Level II and III counterparts. First, let’s break down the classification system used by the experts to categorize different levels of ASD diagnoses. 

    Autism can manifest in various levels; most people fill in somewhere on the continuum. It’s important to understant that these levels are just a general guide and the condition manifests differently in everyone.

    Level 1

    Sometimes referred to as “high-functioning” or “Asperger Syndrome” (there is much debate about the appropriateness of these terms within autism communities so I felt it important to address), it refers to someone likely to require support for some of the following: 

    • Difficulty in back-and-forth communication 
    • Trouble with social cues and body language 
    • Social anxiety and burnout from long-term masking 
    • Issues with transitioning between activities 
    • Challenges in organization and planning 

    Level II 

    Requires substantial support and has: 

    • Difficulty with masking
    • Limited ability to change focus or activities
    • Engagement in noticeable repetitive behaviour or stimming,
    • Struggles with societal norms due to a neurotypical-centric environment 

    Level III 

    Needing very substantial support and:

    • Is unable to mask
    • Experiences a high self-regulation burden
    • Has significant difficulty with verbal and non-verbal communication
    • Struggles with changes in focus or location
    • Engages in noticeable repetitive behaviours
    • Is at increased risk for neglect, abuse and discrimination

    It’s no surprise that Level I girls are more likely to come into contact with the relational bullying their peers often face because of their wide range of social abilities. They typically don’t have the same social communication and interaction skills as the general population, thus making them more vulnerable to mean-girl treatment. 

    For instance, my daughter struggles with: 

    • Reading verbal social cues
    • Entirely missing or misinterpreting non-verbal social cues
    • Knowing when to enter a conversation
    • Taking things literally
    • Knowing when someone is not interested in her favourite subject of interest that she wants to share with the world because it’s AWESOME
    • Understanding when someone has had enough of a particular conversation and is ready to move on
    • The boundaries of personal space and when someone is uncomfortable if she’s in theirs
    • Misreading other’s intentions for good or for ill

    Because of this, my daughter has been targeted her entire life, and it can be heartbreaking to bear witness to the experience of my child being made to feel lower and lesser than her peers. 

    It’s made her more withdrawn, less outgoing and less trusting of those around her. But it’s not all hopeless – as I have worked with my daughter, I have noticed that her self-advocacy has improved, and she can stand up for herself when it counts. 

    It is of utmost importance that girls with autism get the support, love, affection and understanding they need to help them learn to cope with life’s struggles and gain confidence. 

    With the right environment and guidance, these girls can find their voices and learn to thrive in an often challenging world.

    Effects of Relational Bullying on Autistic Girls

    It’s difficult to put into words the effects this constant harassment has had on my daughter. Keep in mind, she’s dealt with it her entire. short. life – in every grade, in online school during the pandemic, at her dance studio, and even from instructors who didn’t know any better. 

    I first saw it manifested in debilitating nightmares and insomnia during the summer between Senior Kindergarten and Grade 1. My daughter would wake up crying and be unable to sleep. 

    She would have nightmares of herself sitting alone under a tree at school because no one would talk to her. And it’s only gotten worse from there. Imagine that every. day. of. your. life. you have to deal with someone trying to make you feel wrong. defective. less than. 

    On top of that, you must deal with all the other challenges you face of navigating a neurotypical world in a neuroatypical body and brain. Here’s a list of the harm this type of bullying can cause:

    • Depression 
    • Anxiety 
    • Insomnia 
    • Low self-worth 
    • Headaches 
    • Nausea 
    • Stomach aches 
    • School avoidance 
    • Fear of social situations
    • The urge to self-harm
    • Eating disorders
    • Trouble concentrating
    • Stress-related sicknesses 

    These are the lasting effects of relational bullying that can affect an autistic girl. It’s insidious, and it’s as real as anything can get. It can set in motion a lifetime of negative consequences and can take away the joyousness of childhood. 

    This is why it’s so important we start having honest conversations about bullying and its effects in our schools – especially regarding autistic girls. We need to create safe learning environments that are aware of these dynamics and how to prevent them in the first place. 

    We need more education and understanding of autism, both within the schools and the larger community. We need to make sure our children know there is always hope. That there is another way. No matter what they face today, tomorrow is a new dawn.

    Source: Pexels

    The Blind Spots: Why Teachers and Coaches Often Miss the Signs

    If you think spotting relational aggression is like searching for a needle in a haystack for us parents, imagine what it’s like for teachers and coaches who have multiple kids to manage.

    The Resource Crunch

    Let’s start with the most obvious yet understated problem: resources. Teachers and coaches are often stretched thin, juggling between academic responsibilities, extracurricular activities, and yes, maintaining a semblance of order among the kids.

    Too Few Eyes, Too Many Kids: There’s only so much ground a teacher can cover. The schoolyard, during recess or after school, often becomes a ‘safe’ space for bullies, knowing there’s less adult supervision.

    Lack of Specialized Training: Recognizing relational aggression requires specialized training that most educators haven’t received.

    The Discord Between Peers and Teachers

    There’s a serious disconnect between how teachers and peers view relational aggression. This disparity is especially troubling.

    Academic Bias: Teachers often base their judgments on academic performance and classroom behavior. A student excelling in these areas may not raise any red flags, even though they could be a principal antagonist on the playground.

    Popularity Paradox: Female students who are popular and overtly aggressive are more likely to be flagged by both teachers and peers. But what about those who operate covertly, hiding their malicious behavior under a guise of charm and friendliness?

    The Silent Victims

    Much like my daughter, many victims don’t want to ‘tattle.’ They internalize their pain, trying to handle the situation themselves, which often leads to further anxiety and emotional distress.

    Fear of Retaliation: The fear of being labeled or facing worse aggression from the bully often keeps victims silent.

    Low Self-reporting: This silence means that there are likely many more victims than what the statistics show, making the problem much bigger than it appears.

    There’s no simple fix, but understanding why it’s so hard to spot and stop relational aggression is a crucial first step. Only then can we begin to think about meaningful interventions. And trust me, this is a fight worth taking on, not just for our kids, but for everyone’s.

    The Emotional Rollercoaster: A Parent’s Journey Through Relational Aggression

    I hear you. Honestly, I do. The emotional turmoil that comes with knowing your child is a target of relational aggression isn’t something you can just set aside. It follows you, creeping into the moments that should be free of worry, settling into a pit in your stomach that you can’t seem to shake. This isn’t just a story about kids on a playground; it’s about us parents, too.

    The Tug of War: Protectiveness vs. Independence

    For any parent, our child’s well-being is paramount. We want nothing more than to send our kids to a safe space where they can grow and thrive. But when that safe space turns hostile, the inner battle begins.

    Over-Protection: You’re tempted to wrap them in a protective bubble. And why shouldn’t you? When your child is on the autism spectrum,the world already feels like a battlefield.

    Fostering Independence: But you also know you can’t be there to shield them forever. Especially for autistic children, learning independence is critical.

    The Emotional Cycle: A Journey Through Many Stages

    Stage 1: Empathy and Kindness

    It starts with preaching kindness, believing that empathy will prevail. You think, maybe if we understand the bully’s side, we can defuse the situation. You tell your child to be brave but kind, to stand up without sinking to their level.

    Stage 2: Accountability

    You work tirelessly with your child to help them navigate the social intricacies they naturally find challenging. Mindfulness techniques, social skills classes, breathing exercises, role-playing — you try it all. You do everything you can to equip your child to be the best version of themselves. (and it doesn’t escape your attention that others don’t seem to bother to do this much work with their kids, which frankly, builds resentment.)

    Stage 3: Diplomacy

    Next, you approach the other parent. You craft your words carefully, advocating for a collective effort to sort out the ‘social difficulties.’ Sometimes it works, and sometimes it explodes in your face, like my unfortunate social media encounter, which I still struggle to forgive myself for. Remember folks, never comment in anger, it never goes well.

    Stage 4: Loss of Empathy

    Finally, after years of frustration and roadblocks, you find that your reservoir of empathy has run dry. You’ve spent your life empowering kids, and now you’re at a point where negative feelings overshadow any goodwill you had left. And you blame yourself for it.

    Emotional Toll: The Unseen Cost

    Mental Health: Anxiety, sleepless nights, constant worry – it takes a toll on your mental well-being.

    Strained Relationships: Sometimes, it even strains your relationship with your child as you both try to navigate the labyrinth of emotions.

    Professional Life: I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected my ability to focus on my work, even though every dollar I earn is to ensure a better future for my tiny family.

    The Way Forward: Is There One?

    Honestly, I wish I had an easy answer, a one-size-fits-all solution. But what I do have is this community, right here, where we share, vent, find support, and pick up the pieces so we can face another day. Because, for our kids, we’ll walk through fire. But we don’t have to do it alone.

    We’ve faced hurdles before; we’ll face this one, too. We’ll find a way to protect our children without smothering them, to build their independence without leaving them vulnerable. And hopefully, along the way, we’ll inspire others to stand up, take notice, and make changes that benefit not just our children, but every child who’s grappling with the tough social landscapes of childhood and adolescence.

    Stay Connected, Share the Love

    If you’ve found this blog post resonating with you, hit that ‘Like’ button and please do ‘Subscribe’ to stay updated on our journey and other important topics. Your support keeps this community thriving and is a beacon for others navigating the same challenges.

    Also, I invite you to check out BellaZinga, an online print-on-demand store inspired by my daughter’s one-liners and special interests that serves as a platform for inclusion, education, awareness, and acceptance. Your support goes a long way in empowering us to make the world a more accepting place for our children.

    If you do buy something, make sure to put our printable “Things Your Neurodivergent Friends Might Do” and my eBook “Friends Beyond Differences: Embracing Neurodiversity” in your cart.

    These are great resources for educating neurotypical kids about their friends with invisible disabilities like autism and ADHD.

    Once you do, make sure to enter the discount code “SPREADTHEWORD” to get those resources absolutely free!

    The promotion is good until the end of September!

    Thank you for being part of this incredible community. Together, we can turn our struggles into strength and pave a path for a future where every child feels safe, loved, and included.

    So, share this post, spread the word, and let’s create a ripple effect of change. Because in this challenging journey, the more allies we have, the stronger we are.

    If you or someone you know is the victim of bullying you can reach out to Bullying Canada at (877) 352 4497. Call or text anytime and their team of caring volunteers will help you. You don’t need to go through this alone.

  • Pathological Demand Avoidance and Autism: A Quick Primer

    Pathological Demand Avoidance and Autism: A Quick Primer

    (Note: Chat GPT Assisted)

    “Autism”, “ASD”, and “PDA”. These aren’t just random abbreviations – they’re essential keys to understanding the vast, colourful world of neurodiversity. Dive into this guide and let’s decode the mystery behind PDA, all while keeping a sense of humour about it.

    Source: Pexels

    What the Heck is PDA (What, You Mean it’s Not a Public Display of Affection)?

    Let’s get our bearings straight:

    • PDA stands for pathological demand avoidance.
    • It’s a subtype of autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
    • PDA involves an extreme avoidance of everyday demands, often driven by high levels of anxiety.
    • A quick history tidbit: PDA was first identified in the 1980s by child psychologist Elizabeth Newson. (Yep, while you were busy rocking those leg warmers and mullets, science was making strides!)

    “Does My Kiddo Have PDA?” – Behaviours to Watch Out For

    Now, no two children are alike, and no, I don’t mean like snowflakes. More like, um, ice cream flavors? But here are some general signs:

    • Resistance to Ordinary Demands: Ever felt like you’re negotiating with a mini-diplomat just to get shoes on for school? This isn’t your typical child stalling. It’s an intrinsic need to resist routine tasks that most of us find mundane.
    • Comfort in Role Play: They might often take on roles or personas and communicate through them. Sherlock today, Spider-Man tomorrow! It’s not just play; it’s a coping mechanism.
    • Social Mimicry: They can often imitate others to mask their difficulties. This isn’t about being the ‘class clown’. It’s a way for them to fit in, making it sometimes hard to pinpoint. Crafty little beings, aren’t they?
    • High Levels of Anxiety: Their anxiety levels are more profound than the dread you feel when you accidentally like a picture from 2012 while stalking someone on social media. This can manifest in various ways:
    • School Avoidance: It goes beyond the occasional “I don’t wanna go!” It’s a deep-rooted fear or reluctance that makes school mornings seem like a scene out of an action movie – and for some chilldren, like mine, a horror movie.
    • Aggression When Anxious: Not just a temper tantrum. When they’re pushed to their limit, their fight-or-flight response might lean heavily on the ‘fight’. This could look like punching walls, throwing things, taking scissors to walls, pushing you, or screaming insults at caregivers.
    • Panic Attacks: Heart-wrenching to watch, these sudden bouts of intense fear can immobilize them. It’s not “attention-seeking” but a genuine overwhelming feeling they can’t control.
    • Self-Harm: Children with PDA often use self-harm, often as a grounding technique to take their mind off their tumultuous feelings of anxiety in their body. This could look like hitting their head with their hands, slapping themselves in the face, or beating their head agains a wall. It’s scary to watch, and can be deeply unsettling for both parent and child.

    Diagnosis: When Should You Seek Professional Insight?

    Your intuition as a parent is uncanny. If you’re feeling something’s up, trust your gut, and:

    1. Consult a Specialist: This usually starts with a pediatrician or a child psychologist.Don’t take “no” for an answer. Unfortunately, there are many medical professionals who don’t believe in PDA, and many who are just not familiar with it. This is where you need to do your own research mama, and go with spreadsheets and data in tow!
    2. Undergo Assessment: This can include observations, interviews, and specific PDA-focused questionnaires.
    3. Receive a Diagnosis: Now that you have a better understanding of your child’s challenges, it’s time to search for supports that fits their needs (and yours.) You’ll also need to arm yourself with information so you can adovcate with schools, coaches, and any other environments your child may need special accommodations in.

    Remember, it’s not about labelling but understanding and supporting your child through this journey.

    Treating PDA: No One-Size-Fits-All Here!

    Treatment is as unique as your child’s fingerprint or your secret cookie stash (oops, did I just spill the beans?):

    • Individual Therapy: Tailored strategies to cope with demands and anxiety.
    • Family Counseling: Because, let’s face it, we all need a bit of group therapy after those family board game nights.
    • Educational Support: Tweaking their learning environment to suit their needs, minus the unnecessary pressure.

    Tips for Navigating the Rollercoaster of PDA at Home

    Welcome to the ‘PDA Theme Park’. Hold onto Your Hats!

    Navigating the zigzaggy roller coaster that is PDA can be, well, quite the wild ride. But fear not! With a sprinkle of patience, a dash of creativity, and the following strategies, you can ensure the ride is smoother for both you and your young adventurer:

    • Pick Your Battles: Does it matter if they wear PJs to the supermarket? Hey, some celebrities have worn meat dresses to award shows, so PJs sound pretty haute couture to me!
    • Use Indirect Requests: Instead of the direct “Brush your teeth,” try a bit of playful challenge like, “Hmm, I wonder who can make their teeth shine the brightest?” Engage their imagination!
    • Establish Safe Spaces: Picture this – a cozy nook with fluffy pillows, their favorite book, and maybe a soft light. Everyone, especially our PDA champions, needs a sanctuary to retreat to when the world gets a tad too overwhelming.
    • Humor is Your Friend: When in doubt, laugh it out! Remember that time you tried to wear two different shoes to work? Yeah, life can be absurd. Sharing a hearty laugh can diffuse tension in a jiffy.
    • Negotiate Like a Pro: It’s not about manipulation; it’s a two-way street. Maybe it’s a compromise, or perhaps it’s letting them feel they have a say. “10 more minutes of play, and then we tackle homework. Deal?”
    • Keep it Low-Key: Sometimes, the fanfare and fuss can be overwhelming. Approaching situations calmly and without a ton of drama can often lead to more successful outcomes.
    • Collaborate with Your Child: Make them part of the solution. “Okay, so we need to do X. How do you think we should get it done?”
    • Find Their Motivation: Is there a toy, a story, or maybe a treat they love? Use it as a carrot (or maybe a cookie?). “Once we’ve tidied up, how about we read that new comic together?”

    These tips may not look like ordinary parenting, but your child is extraordinary, so these special tips will help them (and you) get stuff done with less head-butting and more hugs.

    Wrapping Up: From PDA to BellaZinga!

    Speaking of understanding and celebrating neurodiversity, have you heard of BellaZinga? Inspired by a brilliant girl named Bella who dazzles on the autism spectrum, our online store uses printable merch and educational materials to promote the inclusion, acceptance, and celebration of the true spirit of neurodiversity. Need a touch of inspiration or just a sprinkle of awareness in your life? Swing by BellaZinga and let some neurodivergent light shine on you!

    P.S. While you’re there, maybe grab a little something. Who says advocacy can’t be stylish? 😉🌟

  • Where Did I Go? Psychological Effects of Being a Single Mother

    Back in Februrary, a commercial for Go RVing Canada appeared on our screens, prompting people to “Find their wildhood.” I’m sure you’ve seen the spot, but in case you haven’t, you can check it out for yourselves.

    The story tells of a man searching for more than the stressful, monotonous, grind of our modern existence. After leaving work one day he’s had enough, and breaks. Instead of stepping onto the subway, he runs – as far and as fast as he can. As he does, he slowly divests himself of the trappings of our modern life, eventually finding himself in the wilderness.

    Finally, our hero stumbles across a campfire, and through the flames he sees a shadowy figure. He gives chase, culminating in a leap of faith by following the figure off a cliff, and splashing down into the cool, baptismal waters of a mountain lake. As he emerges, the man realizes he’s been chasing himself; perhaps the person he used to be, and most certainly the person he wants to be now.

    As I sat watching the commercial that first time (and if I’m being honest, all subsequent times), I was overcome by emotions so raw and a realization so great I didn’t know how to cope. Instead, I sobbed quietly into my hands, hoping my daughter wouldn’t walk into the room and see me devolving. Even while writing these words, I have to take breaks to pull myself together, because the message stirs something so deep, so broken, and so personal I find it difficult to share my thoughts.

    By speaking these these thoughts out loud there is no turning back. I’m exposing all the ugly bits of myself – and what it’s like to be a single mother – to the world, and likely inviting more than a few trolls to take some shots.

    In the end, it’s more important that I am open, vulnerable, and real with my readers, so here goes.

    Single Mom Sacrifice

    When I watch that commercial, I realize how much I have lost myself in my nearly twelve years of single parenthood. True, I knew I had sacrificed much by focusing on my child and her needs over my own, but I hadn’t realized the extent of it until I saw that man, in that lake, finally reaquainting himself with a healthier, happier version of himself.

    The truth is, I don’t know how I got here, or even how I could have done anything differently. As a single mom, it’s an understatement to say life is hard. It seems like you are never doing enough, working hard enough, juggling fast enough, being patient enough, etc.

    In short, I feel like I am never enough.

    Source: Pexels

    Now add to it the fact that my kiddo is autistic and has ADHD. For those of you that have neurodivergent children, you get it. For those of you that don’t…you’ll never get it until you live it.

    Suffice to say, I’ve dedicated every ounce of my energy into ensuring my daughter receives the diagnoses, supports, counseling, medication, IEPs, strategies, and time with me she needs to be successful.

    Everything else – and I mean everything – has gone on the backburner.

    Being the Sole Provider

    Of course, when it somes to finances, I’m it. It’s up to momma to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. (my kiddo loves bacon) But try to make any career work around:

    • Appointments
    • Meltdowns
    • After-school activities that are necessary for her social, emotional, and physical health
    • School avoidance behviours and constant calls to pick her up early
    • Physical symptoms of anxiety like constant stomach aches and headaches
    • Pathological demand avoidance
    • Poor executive function
    • Bullying and social issues with other children, etc.

    Go ahead. Find a job that will allow you to work and still navigate that. I dare you. In fact, if anyone can tell me how to survive financially as a single mother, I’m all ears. Screw survive, I want to know how to thrive.

    As I said before, it’s never enough. I’m never enough. There’s never enough time. There’s never enough money. But all the while I have to be the one to put on a brave face. To bolster her. To be patient for her. To never go out so I don’t spend money on sitters so I can afford her activities. To scrimp on dental care when I need it because I don’t have benefits and I need to make sure I can afford her braces. (My teeth still look great and my breath is minty fresh btw)

    The end result is I don’t fucking recognize myself. I’ve let myself go. Most days, I look old, defeated and tired. Half the time I don’t have any energy.

    I’m just now weaning myelf off my latest round of anti-depressants and anxiety meds for the panic attacks I was having dealing with the stress of trying to find a job that would work with our lifestyle needs and somehow pull us out of poverty. Not to mention the daily trauma of school avoidance meltdowns that were dominating our lives.

    Body Image Takes a Hit

    And I’m fat.There, I said it. Me, who used to be so athletic. Fuck, I used to live in the Rocky Mountains and run up them on a daily basis. My abs were so tight you could bounce a quarter off them, and I loved my legs. I was so sleek, and sexy, and loved dressing up in heels and painting the town.

    Now I can’t stand to look at myself. It’s not like I’m drastically overweight, and as a friend of mine told me recently, I actually look like an average person, but when you spend the better part of your life being an athlete, it’s hard to adapt to a new curvier self.

    Intellectually, I know it’s not my fault. I know part of this is getting older – hello perimenopause – not to mention the good ol’ stress hormone cortisol doing it’s nasty work. But I still blame myself for not fitting the picture of what I should look like, particularly when I compare it to how healthy I used to be.

    Then there’s dating, or rather the lack of it. Between trying to find the time or energy to date, and feeling confident about my body and how I look, it seems like a lost cause. And don’t even talk to me about sex. It’s literally been years for me, and I feel about as sexy as a can of Drano right now.

    Source: Pexels

    Single Parenting is a Lonely Job

    But you know what I miss above all else? I miss having someone to help me make decisions – because it’s always all me shouldering the load. I miss holding someone’s hand, or crawling into someone’s lap and just being held and someone for once telling me that it will be alright, instead of me always being the one doing the reassuring.

    It’s so hard not to be bitter and resentful of those people with significant others who provide for them. Who have the option to stay home and look after their kids and still live a life that’s not mired in stress. I almost laugh when women complain about their spouses when they forget to take out the garbage, or are away from home for too long with work.

    To even have had one night a week where a spouse or partner drove my kid to their activities, or paid for groceries, would make a world of difference.

    I don’t know who I am anymore. Or rather, I don’t know where the old “me” went. Mentally, I know I need to love my body for how it carries me through the world. And I’m the first one to preach body positivity and acceptance to my daughter and anyone else, so I don’t know why I can’t love myself regardless of my size.

    But it just seems like everything is stacked against me. I try to focus on the little things to get me through, like the accomplishments or hurdles my kiddo overcomes. But again, it’s all about her. Somehow, my wants, my dreams, and my needs are lost in the mix.

    Not because I’m choosing to ignore myself, but I’m just trying to survive and provide.

    This is the Dirty Secret of Single Parenting

    And that’s why this fucking commercial hits so hard. I want to meet myself again, and love myself again. I just don’t know how I can make it happen.

    This is the dark side of single parenting no one will talk about. The angry, defeated, bitter side I see so many mothers unleashing in social media support groups.

    All this might make you think I resent my child. I don’t. I love my child beyond measure, and show up for her every. single. day. to the best of my ability.

    But there is nothing left for me after that.

    So. What’s to be done? How can I find my way back to who I used to be? Or at least to the best version of myself now.

    I don’t have the answers. The whole “self-care” myth is a crock of shit. And I’ve even written blogs about how to carve out time for it! (Colour me cynical and hypocritical) Let’s be honest, if I don’t have time to have a shower or put on make-up, I’m not going to be able to find time for much else. For some of us, there is simply no time, or money for self-care.

    What I do know is I’m a fighter. So I’ve spent this weekend applying for jobs (like I’ve been doing on the daily for months) to help me finanically. I’ve been steadily working up my online presence for my new business venture in hopes of creating a passive income to help lighten the load.

    I’m continuing my role as a content writer, and doing my best to search out new prospects.

    I even splurged for a hair cut (First Choice Haircutters of course, I can’t afford a stylist) because it’s been over six months and I needed a trim.

    All I can do is take it one hour, one day at a time. Maybe eventually I’ll find my “wildhood” again. Who knows, maybe I just need to get laid. (don’t gasp, I know you’re thinking it.)

    So share with me your struggles about being a single mother. Or maybe struggling with body image issues. Or dating as an older woman?

    Let’s put it all out there and support each other.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to go RVing to find our “wildhoods.”

    If you like my writing, subscribe, like, comment and share.

    And don’t forget to check out my new biz at BellaZinga.com, where we promote the inclusion, awareness, acceptance, and celebration of neurodiversity.

    Subscribe to my blog here!

  • A Dance Recital Like No Other

    A Dance Recital Like No Other

    Last weekend my daughter danced in her studio’s end-of-the-year recital. The show was a success, full of the usual suspects; seasoned performers hip-hopping their way to fame, teeny-weenies out for their dance debut loaded with sparkles and wide-eyed anticipation, and budding street dancers learning the breakdance ropes. 

    While all of these regular recital occurrences are heart-warming, what got me in the “feels” was that I got to watch the entire thing from the audience. 

    This may sound odd, given that my little dancer is not so little anymore. In fact, at nearly twelve, she’s taller than most grown women. And you’re likely now thinking that I’m a total helicopter mom, hovering like there’s no tomorrow, too afraid to cut the apron strings and let my daughter look after herself.

    While that may be true, there’s also another factor to consider. You see, my daughter is neurodivergent; she has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. This means that she is quirky, beautiful and (in my humble opinion) fucking brilliant. 

    It also means she has significant challenges in places and at events that you and your neurotypical kiddos likely take for granted.

    I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. I’ll tell you why.

    Source: Unsplash

    The Extra Steps of Autism

    My daughter doesn’t look any different than your average tween. Given that she is considered Level 1 ASD (formerly known as Aspergers), nothing would cue you that she is any different from a neurotypical child. 

    This is why so many parents of kids on the spectrum get the side-eye, eye-rolls, and just about any other eye-related behaviour from other parents, teachers, doctors, etc. 

    No two children on the spectrum are the same, but let me share with you some of the challenges my daughter has had to overcome in her dance career.

    Motor Difficulties

    You know how kids can effortlessly tie their shoes or change outfits like they’re in a backstage dressing room of a Broadway show? Well, that’s not exactly a walk in the park for my kiddo. 

    With her motor skills functioning a little differently, quickly tying tap shoes or changing sparkly leotards might as well be an Olympic event. And let’s not forget the actual dance numbers. 

    With balance and coordination playing a cheeky game of hide-and-seek, the challenge of mastering those intricate steps is on another level.

    Issues with Working Memory

    Ever tried to keep track of multiple dance numbers, their order, and the steps for each in your head? My daughter tackles this challenge head-on every time she steps onto that stage. 

    Prioritizing tasks and decision-making are like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. The struggle with working memory is real y’all.

    Executive Function Challenges 

    Imagine having a long list of instructions, each more complex than the last. Sound overwhelming? Now, think about how it feels when every day is filled with these lists and not having a freaking clue where to begin or how to put the required steps in order?

    That’s the reality for children like my daughter. Delayed executive function development is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Is it any wonder they get frustrated and lose their shit?

    Emotional Dysregulation

    Feelings for my daughter are like waves during a storm, overwhelming and unpredictable. Her emotions are big, bold, and often challenging to rein in. It’s like riding a roller coaster without a safety bar, thrilling but also a little scary.

    The hardest part as her parent is to watch the shame and guilt play across her features once she has calmed down and realized what she said and did while she was struggling for control. 

    Even though my kiddo is starting to realize that when she gets overwhelmed, her frontal lobe is not in control, and she is in the clutches of her amygdala and the dreaded fight/flight/freeze/fawn (although there is a strong argument for using “feign” instead of fawn) response cycle, she still feels bad about her behaviour after the fact.

    Sensory Sensitivities

    Imagine being at a rock concert, but the music’s too loud, the lights are too bright, and the crowd’s too much. Now, try picturing that every time you’re in a room full of kids or under fluorescent lighting. 

    That’s what my daughter deals with — a world where sounds, smells, and sights can be as piercing as a siren’s call. Because she perceives the world differently and often more intensely, she can experience these sensations as discomfort and even pain.

    Now see yourself at a dance competition or recital, packed together in a dressing room with hundreds of other dancers, all anxious and excited. The steady drum of chatter, shouting, crying, and music would be enough to drive a neurotypical person to drink, let alone someone who’s conditioned to perceive these stimuli as threats! (To clarify, I don’t let my daughter drink…so don’t come for me!)

    Problems Reading Social Cues

    Reading social cues for my daughter is like deciphering hieroglyphics without a Rosetta Stone. It’s tough not knowing how to fit into the social puzzle, feeling isolated in a room full of chattering children. 

    But thank the goddess for our dance studio. Through careful attention to fostering a climate and culture of family and inclusion, they have helped my daughter fit in every step of the way. I wish I could say the same for our previous studio, but that’s another story for another time. (And perhaps that aforementioned drink)

    Triumph in the Dressing Room

    Usually, I am my daughter’s special assistant in the dressing room. My job is to make sure she can navigate quick changes, take a sensory break if necessary, calm her in case of overwhelming nervousness to prevent meltdowns and help her navigate the environment and pressure around her.

    I always ask my kiddo if she wants me there with her in the dressing room or if she’d like to try it on her own, as I’m trying to foster independence and push her boundaries, but I want her to feel ready for it.

    So I wasn’t surprised when she asked me to be her special dressing room assistant once again. 

    I don’t mind this, but the fact is, it is usually only my daughter and me at these events. So when I’m below in a dressing room, I am not in the audience to hoot, holler, yell, and clap for her when she’s onstage. And that means she has no one in the audience to do that for her. 

    As you can imagine, for an only child who seldom sees her father and sees ALL the other families full of siblings and relatives attending, this is hard for both of us.

    Still, I was prepared. I’d created extra lists for my l’il dancer with the order of her numbers, all carefully highlighted. I’d labelled each of her dance bags carefully, even crafting numbers to hang on each hanger so it would be easier to see which one was next.

    I’d done all the things necessary to ensure a seamless experience. I’d packed all my kiddo’s sensory stuff, like headphones, earbuds, fidget spinners, a tablet and a charger, not to mention a cell phone. You name it; we were ready.

    Then, suddenly, as we were setting her bag up in her designated space, my daughter shot me an “I’m so embarrassed my mom is here look” and started shooing me away.

    I have to admit. I froze, unsure if I was actually seeing what I thought I was. 

    Sure enough, my daughter wanted me to leave her alone so she could hang with her dance friends. When I asked if she could handle the quick changes, she said she could, and I should leave her alone.

    Source: Pexels

    A New Perspective: Joining the Audience

    I just about cried. Partly, if I’m being honest, because this was a huge hurdle, and it meant my baby was growing up, which is difficult for every mama bear, neurodivergent or neurotypical alike.

    But partly because of the overwhelming sense of relief and freedom to sit and enjoy myself at a function. Whether it was a family dinner, a holiday gathering, a school assembly, or a dance recital, I had yet been unable to do this.

    I don’t think you can understand how it feels to always be alone when you’re the parent of a kiddo on the spectrum. Because your child is more, needs more, and demands more, you have to give more, be available more, be more organized, be more prepared, be more calm…I think you get the picture.

    This sense of being an uber parent is not conducive to sitting and having a cocktail at a dinner party, socializing with family at a Christmas get-together, or watching your daughter shine onstage at dance recitals.

    Until last week.

    And shine, she did. Although it was hard to see from the tears in my eyes. (I’m not crying, you’re crying)

    Parenting on the Spectrum Means You Celebrate the Ordinary Moments as if They Were Extraordinary

    My daughter did it on her own, and I couldn’t be prouder. You see, for parents like me, we don’t just celebrate the recitals or awards. We celebrate the moments when our children prove to the world, and more importantly to themselves, that they are so much more than a label.

    We celebrate when they show their strength and resilience in the face of adversity and face the challenges of a world that can be overwhelmingly stacked against them.

    So yes, I won’t ever take something like watching a dance recital from the audience for granted again. Not because it’s a luxury but because it’s a testament to the beautiful, quirky, brilliant girl my daughter has become. And how damn proud I am of her.

    If you want to share some ordinary yet extraordinary moments with your neurodivergent child, comment below, and follow me for more blogs!

    Better yet, why not check out my online store, BellaZinga (inspired by my daughter and her neverending one-liners) for some merch with a side of neurodivergent sass? While you’re there, you can download my eBook “Friends Beyond Differences: Embracing Neurodiversity.” 

    It’s an engaging guide written specifically for neurotypical kids aged 6-12 to help them understand and embrace their neurodiverse peers.

    And remember, our differences make us unique, but our humanity binds us together. Let’s ensure every child, regardless of their neurotype, feels accepted, loved, and capable of dancing their own unique rhythm.

    Shine on, my beautiful neurodiverse kiddos.

    Shine on.

  • Unleashing the Power of SEO: Tips and Tactics for Boosting Your Website Ranking

    Unleashing the Power of SEO: Tips and Tactics for Boosting Your Website Ranking

    TL;DR: How can you leverage SEO to rank higher and see more traffic?

    1. SEO is key for visibility – look at both on-page elements (quality, structure of content) and off-page factors (backlinks, social media). 

    2. Do research to identify and use the right keywords: include them in titles, descriptions, headings, and content. 

    3. Your content must provide answers to questions and be geographically tailored for local businesses. 

    4. Monitor progress – avoid keyword stuffing and improper use. Stay up-to-date with relevant trends.

    You’ve finally finished setting up your website and are celebrating your accomplishment. As well you should! Unfortunately, having a website is not enough. If your goal is to see more traffic on your site and stand heads and shoulders above the crowd, you must make your site visible to search engines. 

    This is where SEO comes in. 

    Search engine optimization (SEO), is the umbrella term for strategies that will increase a website’s ranking in search engine results pages. Put simply, the higher you rank, the more visitors you’ll get.  

    Even more enlightening (and anxiety-inducing), research shows you will lose 99% of potential online customers if you fail to appear at the top of search engine results pages (SERPs). 

    The million-dollar question is: how do you unleash the power of SEO? 

    In this article, we’ll share tips and tricks for boosting your website’s ranking. Whether you are a content writer, a digital marketer, or own your own business, these strategies will increase your website’s visibility and drive more traffic. So, let’s get started and unlock the full potential of SEO!

    Source: Unsplash

    What is SEO and Why is it Important?

    Let’s start at the beginning. The letters SEO mean search engine optimization and describe the process of optimizing – think of it as improving – your website to rank higher on SERPs. People searching the web for services or products stand a better chance of discovering your website if it ranks higher.  

    SEO is crucial because it helps increase your website’s visibility and drive more traffic. Of course, the optimal result of this strategy is more leads, and eventually dollars, for your business. There are two main types of SEO: on-page and off-page.

    • On-page SEO refers to the quality of content on your site and how it is structured. Basically, anything you can do within your site to improve your rankings.
    • Off-page SEO speaks to external factors, such as backlinks, guest blogs, brand mentions, and social media marketing.

    Both types of SEO are essential and work together to improve your website’s ranking, so you should give both equal weights as you learn the ropes; we’ll cover these in more depth later.

    Understanding Search Engine Algorithms

    To better allow search engines to “see” your website, learning how algorithms work is priority one. Search engines use complex mathematical formulas to determine the usefulness, quality, and relevance of a website’s content. 

    These algorithms consider various factors, such as backlinks and user experience. Some search engines, like Google, use as many as 200 ranking factors in their algorithms!

    One of the most integral elements of search engine algorithms is to take into account keywords. These are terms and phrases utilized by users when searching online for data, services, or merchandise.

    A guaranteed way to get detected by search engine algorithms is to use relevant keywords – always in an organic way – in your website content.

    However, take note that search engine algorithms are constantly changing and evolving. Repeating past efforts is no guarantee of future success in SEO. That’s why staying up-to-date with the latest trends and best practices is important.

    Keyword Research and Analysis

    Just when you believed you’d never have to return to school, SEO reels you back in (sorry). Research, particularly researching relevant keywords for your website content, will now be your new favourite pastime. 

    By figuring out what keywords your target audience is searching for, you can enhance your website’s content, rank higher on SERPs, and, ultimately, make more money. After all, that is the goal, right?

    Don’t fret if this looks confusing; there are many online tools to aid you with keyword research, such as Google Keyword Planner and Semrush. These tools allow you to identify relevant keywords and analyze their search volume, competition, and relevance.

    Once you’ve identified your target keywords, you can start tweaking your website’s content to include them. Remember to avoid keyword stuffing; quality content is more important than just adding keywords willy-nilly, but more on that later. 

    When adding keywords, make sure to include them in your website’s meta titles, descriptions, headings, and not just the content.

    On-Page Optimization Techniques

    Just like it sounds, on-page optimization refers to upgrading your website’s content and structure, in other words, improving the organization and content of each page. You can use many on-page strategies to enhance your SERP rankings.

    An effective – and sometimes under-rated – on-page optimization technique is to leverage your website’s meta titles and descriptions. Here’s a brief description of each:

    • Meta title. Also known as a title tag, this briefly summarizes what your page is about and will display as a clickable headline in results pages.
    • Meta description. Occurring after your page title in the SERPs, this is a more extended summary of your page or post. The optimal suggested length for these descriptions is approximately 155 characters.

     By optimizing these elements for relevant keywords, you can improve your website’s visibility and attract more traffic.

    Another critical on-page strategy is to optimize your website’s headings. Headings are the titles of your site’s sections or pages, and by incorporating the pertinent keywords into them, you will rank higher in searches.

    Off-Page Optimization Techniques

    Off-page optimization refers to leveraging external factors, such as backlinks and social media signals to gain more exposure for your business. While it might seem like these conditions are out of your control, don’t lose hope. There are many tactics you can employ to maximize your off-page SEO.

    One effective off-page optimization technique is link building. Link building is obtaining backlinks to your site from other websites. Backlinks are helpful because they signal to search engines that your content is credible.

    And, of course, you can’t forget the power of social media marketing. Simply by promoting your website on social media platforms, you can attract more traffic and improve your website’s visibility. This is where your kid’s knowledge of TikTok may come in handy!

    Source: Pexels

    The Importance of Content in SEO

    High-quality, relevant content will always reign supreme in the SEO kingdom. Search engines prioritize websites that provide the best and most current information to their users, so it’s essential you are always thinking of the value you are supplying to potential customers. 

    Think of it like this. Users visit your site for a reason. They may have a problem your service or product can solve, or your article can help answer a question for them. 

    You must post content that can solve visitors’ problems and answer their questions clearly and expertly with the most up-to-date and engaging information possible. And don’t forget about grammar and spelling!

    Sound like a tall order? It is, but with consistent research and practice, we know it’ll be a piece of cake.

    Tips for Creating SEO-Friendly Content

    Here’s a quick summary of tips for creating SEO-friendly content we’ve covered so far, as well as a few more to set you on the path to success:

    • Use relevant keywords in titles, meta tags, headings, and content
    • Write high-quality, informative content that provides value to your users
    • Use headings and subheadings to organize your posts and pages
    • Play with article length to rank higher on  SERPs
    • Include images and videos to make your information more engaging
    • Use internal linking to connect related content on your website

    Incorporating these suggestions will raise your content game and increase your website’s credibility. Win-win all around.

    Link Building Strategies

    As we mentioned earlier, link building is an essential off-page optimization technique. Here are some link-building strategies you can use to improve your website’s ranking on search engine results pages:

    • Guest blogging on relevant websites
    • Creating high-quality, shareable content
    • Searching for broken links on other sites and asking if you can provide your own links
    • Participating in online forums and communities
    • Forging relationships with other websites in your industry
    • Creating infographics and other visual content that can be shared on social media

    Link building may take some effort and focus, but you will reap a return on your investment with more traffic, more leads and make more sales as a result.

    Local SEO Tactics

    If you service local clientele, local SEO is the way to go – yes, we’re poets, and we don’t even know it –  to attract even more customers from your area. The only difference between regular SEO and local SEO is geography. 

    In a nutshell, by using local SEO, you’re improving your website so you’ll show up on SERPs for your area. Why not try these tactics to improve your website’s ranking in your neighbourhood:

    Don’t forget about local businesses in your SEO efforts; it’s a customer demographic you don’t want to miss out on. 

    Measuring and Tracking Your SEO Progress

    To determine if all your SEO efforts have been successful, it’s essential to measure and track your journey. Many tools exist online to track a website’s ranking, traffic, and other metrics. 

    Google Analytics and Semrush are two popular platforms you can use to track progress and adjust your plan accordingly.

    Common SEO Mistakes to Avoid

    Let’s revisit common SEO mistakes we’ve covered so you know what you should avoid:

    • Stuffing your content with irrelevant keywords
    • Ignoring on-page optimization techniques
    • Focusing too much on link building and neglecting other aspects of SEO
    • Creating low-quality, spammy backlinks
    • Neglecting local SEO tactics if you have a local business

    Before implementing any of the tips and tactics in this article, make sure to audit your website and eliminate any of these issues that might hamper your SEO results.

    Is it Time for You to SEO Your Website?

    SEO is essential for improving your website’s visibility and driving more traffic. By following the tips and tricks outlined in this article, you can unleash the full power of SEO and improve your website’s ranking on search engine results pages. 

    Remember to stay up-to-date with the latest SEO trends and best practices, and track your progress to identify areas where you need to improve. With a solid SEO strategy in place, you can attract more leads and sales for your business.

    Let me know if this article helped your business by commenting or following my blog.

    I’m available to write articles on just about any topic under the sun, so feel free to contact me if you’re looking for a dependable, adaptable content writer!

  • The Power of Perseverance: You Have What It Takes, Don’t Give Up!

    The Power of Perseverance: You Have What It Takes, Don’t Give Up!

    Lately, it feels like the world is against me. Whatever I do seems to result in failure: whether it be parenting, job-hunting, writing, or self-care. Anxiety and stress are my constant companions, and I sometimes wonder how I don’t just give up.

    Goddess knows there have been times I wanted it all to stop. But something always keeps me holding on, moving forward, and grinding harder. Honestly, it’s hard to put my finger on what keeps me going.

    Certainly, my child is a significant factor. After all, as a single mom, I’m all she’s got. Add to that her special needs, making it even more crucial that I persevere when it all gets dark.

    So what is it?

    It comes to me as I sit and analyze my thoughts and feelings. I somehow ALWAYS find the tiniest glimmer of hope. Whether that looks like a new idea to make money, a day spent saying FUCK IT to the rules and just playing and connecting emotionally with my daughter, or just sitting outside and listening to the wind. 

    I’ve always found hope when I needed it. Sometimes it came to me in disguise, but I always recognized it. How can you find hope? Here’s what worked for me.

    Source: Pexels

    1. Embrace Failure: It’s Not the End, It’s Just a New Beginning

    As a lifelong figure skater and coach, I’m no stranger to failure. But here’s the truth – I’m not afraid to fail. I’ve fallen and failed at learning new skills more times than I can count – literally thousands of times. 

    But each fall has only made me stronger. Remember, it doesn’t matter that you fall; what truly matters is that you get back up. 

    2. Perfection is Overrated: Let it Go

    I’ve learned to let go of being perfect. For ages, I felt I needed to be the ideal coach, friend, mom, and person. If I’m honest, I still hold myself to that standard at times before I catch myself.

    Perfectionism is a trap that prevents us from making progress. It can make us scared to try new things and keep us stuck in our comfort zones. Don’t let the idea of perfection hold you back. Embrace your flaws; they make you uniquely you!

    3. Understanding Your Feelings: Your Emotions Are Your Guide, Not Your Enemy

    As women in the workplace – and, let’s face it, the world – we’ve been conditioned to believe showing or even acknowledging our emotions are a sign of weakness. I think our emotions make us more self-aware and more resilient.

    Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to understand and manage them so you can use them to your advantage. I’ve learned to sit with my feelings instead of running from them. This helps me understand what’s going on inside, and from there, I can find ways to deal with it.

    4. Prioritize Self-Care: You Cannot Pour From an Empty Cup

    I know, I know. Self-care, blah, blah, blah. Take time for yourself, blah, blah, blah. I get it. As a single mom fighting every day just to put food on the table, I’m supposed to find time for a bubble bath somehow? Think smaller.

    Taking time for self-care can often feel selfish, but you must make it non-negotiable. Even small things like listening to an audiobook as you do the dishes, watching Vanderpump Rules and doing laundry and housework during commercials – OMG SCANDOVAL!!! – or walking in nature for 5 minutes can help recharge our batteries and renew our hope. Plus, let’s keep it real, if Vanderpump Rules doesn’t make you feel better about your life choices right now, nothing will.

    5. Seek Support: You Don’t Have To Do It Alone

    Reach out to people who understand what you’re going through. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or a supportive online community, don’t hesitate to seek help. You’re not alone in this journey. 

    Remember, your story isn’t over yet. There’s always a new chapter to be written. So, hold on to that glimmer of hope and keep moving forward because you’re stronger than you think.

    For inspiration and motivational content, check out my website, named after my kiddo, BellaZinga, for on-demand printables and clothing. You can follow my blog at MomCoachBoss, or subscribe to my YouTube channel, JWCoach4Life. (Just don’t hold my bad hair days against me!) 

    We’re all in this together; keep the faith and never give up.

    If you or anyone you love is struggling or thinking about suicide, there are great resources here:

    https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

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    Please feel free to share your stories of inspiration in the comments!