BellaZinga.Blog

Author: Jill Wismer

  • Sports Parents Get a Bad Rap

    Sports Parents Get a Bad Rap

    Several years ago, I signed my daughter up for the summer soccer league in town.  The price was right, and I thought it would be a good summer activity for her to try to get rid of her boundless energy. I showed up enthusiastically on the designated meet-the-coach day only to wait 30 minutes for anyone to show up at her table.  When he finally did show up, I asked him the usual questions I would normally ask any coach who is working with my daughter like:

    1.  So I assume you have played soccer before ?  (he hadn’t)
    2. How long have you been coaching (not long)
    3. What certifications do you have (minimal)
    4. Do you have a police clearance (he actually WAS a police officer, so at least there was THAT)

    The biggest observation I took away from that day was the disbelief in his voice when I actually asked him these questions.  It was obvious that no other parent had asked him these before. 

    When I got home, I spoke to my brother, who is a high school physical education teacher and who coaches (and plays) multiple sports.  He looked at me like I was crazy for asking the questions I had asked.

    I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

    I have been a figure skating coach for well over 25 years.  I am nationally certified and continue to this day to update my certifications and my coaching toolkit. I have easily worked with thousands of kids in the sport of skating, both recreationally and competitively.  I have run intense training programs and worked within our system my entire life.

    Do you know how many parents have asked me if I have a police clearance?

    Take a guess.

    None.

    What do you think about the number of parents of new students who ask me about my coaching philosophy?

    Yup, you guessed it.

    None.

    This exchange with my daughter’s former soccer coach has been foremost in my mind these past few days because I read a Facebook post from a friend entitled “Why Coaches Hate Over-Involved Parents” by Amy Carney.

    This is a well written article, carefully stating the things that parents should never debate or contact their child’s hockey coach about. Things like playing time, issues with teammates and team strategy are mentioned as basically off limits. The overall theme of the article is to let the coaches coach, the kids play, and the parents stay out of it.  It speaks to the athlete taking accountability for their actions, stepping up to be their own advocates, and proving themselves before expecting to gain playing time or their desired position.

    While I HEARTILY agree we need to make our athletes responsible, accountable and capable of communicating effectively with their coaches, I think that, ESPECIALLY IN THESE TIMES, we have to be more careful than ever with our children. 

    Look:  I have had some humdingers as sports parents.

     I mean, irrational, never-happy, always-criticizing-or-second-guessing-your methods-no-matter-HOW-much-information-you-give-them kind of parents.

    But those parents are the exception, not the rule.  And as I grew into my coaching career, I realized that the more I informed my figure skating parents of my philosophies, the more they were inclined to give me their trust.

    The more I explained the strategies, time tables and reasons behind my tactical decisions for their children, the more they left me alone to coach their children.

    So, as I read this article about how parents shouldn’t email, complain or talk to their players coach about issues, I must respectfully disagree.

    You see, coaches are people too. This means that coaches are subject to the same character flaws, foibles and behaviours that we all have, including bias, prejudice, ego, disorganization and many more not-so-great behaviours.

    Add to this that many coaches in the amateur sports systems are volunteers, and this takes away all accountability.  Don’t get me wrong.  Volunteers are a mainstay for youth sport, and I have the utmost admiration for those that give selflessly of their time for our children.  But there are good and bad volunteers. 

    And just because you volunteer to coach DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET A PASS TO DO A POOR JOB.

    I’m sorry, if my 10 year old child feels that their coach is biased against them, and has done everything in their power to work hard, advocate for themselves, speak up and earn their spot, and I see there is a discrepancy between either their skills and their playing time, or perhaps an unfair allotment of playing time,  why shouldn’t I ask the coach in a polite email to explain their strategy and why they aren’t playing my child?

    If my child feels they aren’t being heard or worse, are being ignored or disrespected, it’s our job as caring adults to help them navigate those tricky waters.

    And as a coach that spends hours sending out information, newsletters, and videos, as well as organizing and sitting in countless meetings with parents and coaching colleagues, shouldn’t that coach have gone the extra distance to share his/her strategy of who she/he is selecting and why?  Shouldn’t that coach have called for a parent meeting with regard to his/her coaching philosophies at the beginning of the year, so all members of the team are on the same page and know what is expected of them? 

    I have an eight-year-old daughter who is in her fourth year of competitive dance at her dance studio.  Dance is her happy place, and she excels at it.  But she has been bullied continuously at school and has developed low self-esteem and continuous anxiety because of the exclusion and ostracism.  She also has ADHD, anxiety, possible sensory processing issues and poor executive functioning, not to mention giftedness, so social cues are difficult for her to read.

    So, you had better believe that if I see behaviour from her dance teachers that runs contrary to creating a positive learning environment, and it happens continuously, I am going to speak up. 

    Because that’s my job as her parent.  To make sure she is safe both physically and mentally at the one place she feels strong and powerful and confident, so she can continue to have a positive learning experience with this one area of her life.

    I can assure you that verbal abuse, emotional abuse and yes, physical and sexual abuse are rampant in our sport system.  As I write this, I can think off-hand of at least two rumors of high level coaches who have slept with their athletes, albeit, when these athletes were of age of consent, but still, the imbalance of power is the issue.

    Coaches are in a complete and absolute position of power over our children, whether on the field, the court or on the ice. So much happens that we as parents don’t see, or can’t hear, or can’t feel because we aren’t on the field of play with our children. 

    But too often, we don’t support our children if they “feel” something is off.

    As a young athlete who experienced emotional abuse and transactional coaching (find out how transactional and transformational coaching differ by reading my book report on InsideOut Coaching) when I was younger, I can assure you, we (young athletes) don’t share everything our coaches say and do because of the power they have over us. 

    Shame and fear convince young athletes that they deserve to be pushed aside, or told they aren’t worthy. And this can and DOES create trauma as they grow older.

    Blindly thinking that we can trust coaches in any sport system without following up and asking questions about strategy, tactics, philosophies, or just asking why they were hard on our child today can lead to this:

    Larry Nassar

    And this (Graham James)

    And this (Bertrand Charest)

    And this (Richard Callaghan)

    Look, no coach likes to be second guessed.  But for the most part, all a parent wants is information and communication.  As a former elite athlete, an experienced competitive coach and a mother of a competitive dancer, I think it is dangerous to suggest that we muzzle communication between coaches and parents.

    Parents can be our biggest allies as coaches.  It is OUR job as coaches to figure out how to communicate effectively with them, set the parameters for expectations for them and what they can expect from us, and create a positive learning environment.

    If a coach has done all these things, then I find the incidence of problematic parent behaviour tends to decrease dramatically.

    So how about we stop giving parents a bad rap?  And maybe do a better job as coaches educating, informing and looking at our own behaviours before we start pointing fingers outward.

    If we work together and make parents feel part of the team, then everyone benefits.

    If you enjoyed this post, do me a favor, share it and follow me!

    Feel free to share your parent or coaching stories in the comments below!

  • Coaching Advice to My Younger Self

    Coaching Advice to My Younger Self

    I have a couple of little skaters competing in a competition this weekend in the Star 1 category.  This is the first time competing for one of them, and the other has only competed once previously.  I always look forward to these competitions with my littlest skaters because they are such a great opportunity to have fun and learn so much about themselves as people and athletes.

    My skaters are ready.  They have been fully prepped on the elements they need to perform.  We have worked extensively on knowing what they need to do to get the highest marks, and we have emphasized the small details like presentation and finesse.

    I’ve sent out emails double checking and verifying schedules with their parents, as well as our competition check list so they have a concrete list they can use to help them organize themselves.

    In short, we are fully prepared to handle just about anything that may or may not happen on the day, and it’s a good feeling to know that all the HARD work is done and now they get to simply go and enjoy their skate.

    As the weekend draws closer, I can’t help but think back to all the other competitions at the many different levels I have attended.  It’s been a rewarding and exciting coaching journey so far, and I hope it continues forever.  As I look back this week, I am realizing how much I have changed as a coach from the mistakes I have made and the experiences I have been lucky enough to share with my students.

    If I could go back in time and give advice to my younger coaching self as she was starting out, here are the things I would tell her.

     The Longer You Coach, the More You Will Realize You Know NOTHING About Coaching

    Our sport is ever evolving and always changing, a statement fully illustrated by the infuriating number of updates we must read and study each year as the never-ending list of amendments filter down to us from the powers that be. Just when you think you have the rules memorized for spin, jump or program requirements for a level, they will change. 

    Get used to it and stop stressing about it.

    Also, there will ALWAYS be new techniques to learn for each skill you teach.  Someone, somewhere will come up with a new exercise, or a new way of packaging an old technique that will be ALL the rage for a few years.  Embrace it, learn it, add it to your coaching tool kit, but do NOT forsake all the old techniques, they are useful too. The more you can pull out of your toolbox when you are in the field, the better you will be able to get results from your athletes.

    There is NO Right Way or Wrong Way to Teach a Skill

    Of course, the basic bio-mechanical principles and the laws of physics will hold true for everything you teach.  What I’m talking about are the coaches that steadfastly teach their jumps (or spins, or field moves, or any other skill) one way, and will not attempt to modify their approach if it isn’t working.  If you have tried for 4-6 weeks (which coincidentally is about the length of time of a small to average macrocycle when you start to periodize your training)  to make progress with a student in a jump, spin or any other element, and it’s not happening, then you had better find another way to teach it, describe it, or show it to that student. 

    I am going to tell an athlete whatever it takes to get results in that skill, no matter how wacky it may sound.  Why?  Well…this is where the next point is important.

     Every Student is Different, and You Must Adapt Your Instruction and Teaching Style Accordingly

    Well, DUH, you are probably thinking.  But this point is SO important it bears repeating often and adamantly.

    No two students are alike and will differ in every possible way: from size, to shape, to muscle fibre type, to learning styles, to aggressiveness, to their stage of development, to how quickly they process information, to how sensitive they may be, to confidence, to anxiety levels, to kinesthetic awareness, to strength to flexibility…..and on…..and on…..and on….

    So why on earth would you teach the same thing in the same way to each student. The answer is, you can, but it won’t get you results from each student. 

    Some students I am loud, vivacious, gregarious and jokey with and they respond to this teaching style. I may teach an axel with an “h” position on the take off simply because when I teach the karate kick or get-on-the-horse method they aren’t bringing the free knee through at all.

    Some students I am serious, firm but kind with and this is the teaching style that works best with them.  And I may teach the axel to these students by telling them not to move their free leg at all because they can’t control the swing or the trajectory of it and that’s the technique that works best for them.

    Others are extremely sensitive, and I must treat ever-so-softly so they are nurtured and supported every step of the way.  And you know what?  I may teach the axel in a completely different way to these students if that is what they require to attain proficiency in the skill.

    It’s your job to adapt to them, not their job to adapt to you.

     Some Students and Parents (and even other coaches) Will Love you, Some Will Hate You, and That’s OK

    You be you.  Keep growing, learning and striving to be the best coach you can be and the best person you can be.  Learn from your mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up about them, just own them and do better next time. Identify and work with the people who you respect and who respect you. 

    As for the rest?  Don’t sweat it, there are enough students out there to keep every coach busy, and frankly, if someone doesn’t like you and see all you have to offer, it’s their loss.

     Change is Part of The Game

    If you are lucky, you will have the honor of guiding some of your skaters for a long period of time. Some  for a decade or more.  But, this is not the norm.  As our sport evolves, skaters change coaches more and more.  This is simply how the learning process works.  Spend the time you have with each of your charges wisely.  Do your best, teach them to the best of your abilities, support them and help them grow as people and wish them well when they move on.  The best feeling in the world is to look back on your time with an athlete and KNOW that you gave them the best you had to give. 

     Set Your Boundaries Early and Be Firm

    From finances, to free time, to discipline on the ice.  It is EASY to be EASY and HARD to be HARD.  Always start out being FIRM.  Set rules for payment, fees, discipline, and expectations early and CLEARLY in your relationships.  Follow these rules and do not allow your parents or your students to take advantage of them.

    Too often you will want to overlook money owed to you, or bad behaviour on the ice because you want to help others, even at your own expense.

    DON’T.

    It is human nature to push boundaries.  Students will act out as much as they can to test their boundaries.  Parents will allow an invoice to go unpaid as often as they can until you impose restrictions on your time or late fees because of it.  An executive will pay you as little as they can get away with because it will help the bottom line for their club IF YOU ALLOW IT. Speak up, set the rules and stick with them.  Trust me, this will save you untold amounts of grief and financial hardship.

     Skating Ain’t Life, Find Other Interests

    You can love skating, you can love coaching, but you had better work hard to find other interests in your life outside of skating.  It is too easy to be caught up in the drama that seems to always go hand in hand with our sport and our profession. 

    But there is so much in this world that is so much more important. 

    Spend time with your friends.  Cherish your family time and guard it zealously. Find your tribe of coaches you trust and when you get together, make sure you talk about things OTHER than skating. Find a balance in your life and work hard to maintain it.  This will keep you a more grounded and happier person and a better coach in the long run.

    These are a few of the things I WISH I had known when I first started coaching all those many years ago.  As my journey continues, I look forward to the new lessons I will learn and the students I will get to meet.

    What advice would you give your younger self about coaching? Share below in the comments!

  • THE CHAIR

    THE CHAIR

    I have a confession.

    I love the Real Housewives franchise, particularly New York and Beverly Hills.  It’s my guilty pleasure.  I know, I know…I can practically hear you judging me as I say it, but trust me, you can’t even come close to how hard I judge myself for it.

    Truthfully, when I get to sit down and watch reality TV,  it’s one of the few times I can stop my brain from having to work so hard.  I can just zone out.  And it makes me feel better about my life because, while these women have seemingly endless amounts of money and perfect lives, the back-stabbing, gossiping, and infighting make any skating club (and, by association, my career) look like a cakewalk.

    This week, one of the characters, named Erika, really took the piss (that’s for my Scottish friend Anne) out of a housewife named Teddy.  Now the stink of it was Erika is ALL about girl power…I mean, she’s freaking girl power on steroids.  Yet she seems to enjoy snarking at Teddy and putting her in her place as often as she can.  I mean, there is really NO sense of her extending any helping hand of friendship, acceptance, OR empowerment to this poor woman.

    The timing of this episode was fortuitous because it coincided with a tug-of-war I have been having internally in relation to one of my past coaching experiences.  Truth be told, I’m not sure what triggered this particular memory, but it has been playing over and over in a recurring loop with no resolution to be found.

    I’d like to share with you an incident that I have yet to reconcile within myself as to whether I was right or wrong; whether I over-reacted or under-reacted, whether I was defending myself or being petty, whether I was calling out someone for trying to take me down a peg or whether I was actually the one who made her feel bad.

    So, dear reader, maybe you can be the judge.

    It all went down like this.

    As most of us know, in any coaches’ room, there is a pecking order.  Or at least, back in my day – when this specific incident occurred – there was.  Every coach usually has a specific spot they sit and place their skate bag, coats, teaching aids, books, purses, etc.  Over time, these specific areas become permanent and were silently acknowledged as that coach’s “spot”.  I have been in some clubs where you would literally be taken to school for sitting in another coach’s chair.

    Back in the mid-2000, I had well over a decade of figure skating coaching under my belt, had started running my own intensive summer program with the help of an incredible team of friends, and had several provincial medallists to boot (see what I did there?).  So, while I wasn’t the best of the best in coaching terms, I had put in my time, paid my dues, made MANY sacrifices, and gained, at the very least, a modicum of experience and credibility.

    I had been coaching at a little club on the outskirts of Calgary for a few years.  I was the relative newcomer, and the first thing I did when I started using the coaches’ room was to make damned sure I did not sit in any other coach’s spot.  I even asked a friend who worked there with me who usually sat where so I could make sure to find a chair that didn’t offend anyone.

    You see, I’m old school.  I believe you show respect to those who went before you. 

    I believe that you should show deference to coaches who have put in the time and sacrifice to get to where they are. 

    Without those successful coaches who have paved the way for us, I firmly believe we would have had a harder time of it. 

    And I also believe, more and more fervently with each passing year in my profession, that it is our job to kick in doors, shatter stereotypes and help empower the next generation of coaches in their journey as they follow our example.

    Now, some of you may say this is outdated thinking.  Some may think that respect should be earned and not given freely.  And to some extent, I agree.  One of the lessons I have learned over time is to withhold my respect and trust until new colleagues earn it, BUT, I want to stress, I still feel it is important to be kind, polite, and respectful whenever and wherever possible.

    So, time passed as I worked at this small club, and eventually, this chair became my spot.  Now, I wasn’t a senior coach in the club, but I felt I worked hard and deserved the same respect as anyone else.

    Around this time, a new coach was hired.  Let’s call her Monica.  Now Monica was a young coach, just starting out. She was very green and very young. But she seemed nice, and since I was only at the club a couple of days a week, I really didn’t have much interaction with her.  The first week with Monica working with us came and went with no problems.

    Then came the day that I arrived at the rink early and was out on the ice before Monica. When I came back in to change my skates, Monica was sitting in my chair.  “Well”, I thought, “no problem”.  So, I picked up my bag (which was next to the chair), my coat (from the back of the chair), and my boots (which were under the chair) and moved to an empty seat.  (Yes, there were empty seats in the room she could have sat in, but she was new, and she was young and just starting out, so I figured she may have been flustered and not remembered that’s where I usually sat).

    As I grabbed my stuff, she seemed confused and said, “oh, I’m sorry, is this your spot?” I quietly responded, “no problem,” and moved.

    In my head, I was thinking, “well, DUH, of course, it’s someone’s spot since all their stuff is on it, in it, or around it, not to mention you’ve seen me sitting here all week,” but I kept quiet and told myself to chill out.

    After this incident, I had a private conversation with one of my coaching friends in the dressing room.  I found it odd that with the empty chairs, Monica had chosen mine, even though my stuff was all over it, and she MUST have seen me sitting in that chair. And my friend told me that on her VERY FIRST DAY when she entered the coaches’ room, Monica had asked my friend(duh-duh-DUUUUUHHHH)…..“WHO SAT WHERE”?

    My friend had gone through who sat in each chair, so Monica already knew who sat where and where the empty seats were.

    This seemed odd to me.  Monica already knew who usually sat in each spot.  There were empty chairs.  But rather than take an empty chair or any of the FOUR other coaches’ chairs who also used that room, Monica chose to target me.

    Of course, because I wanted to be nice, I told myself I was being paranoid.

    I let it go.

    Sure enough, the next week, it happened again…. empty seats in the room, lots of choices of where to sit, aaaannnnnnnddddd sure enough, Monica targets my seat.

    I called her bluff.

    As she looked up at me, she asked, “Oh, I’m sorry, is this your chair?”  I said yes and stood there.  She grabbed her stuff and went to an empty chair.

    I said thanks.

    That night I got an email from Monica.

    She was genuinely hurt.  She expressed herself quite eloquently, explaining in DETAIL how I had embarrassed and devalued her because I had made her move. How I had hurt her feelings. How could I do that to her?

    I read the email a second time.

    I poured myself a very large glass of red wine.

    I re-read the email over and over and over, trying to digest what I was reading and reconcile it with my perception of the situation.

    I had another glass of wine.

    I started about 12 different responses, then deleted each one.

    I finished the bottle.

    I realized that I would never want to be the one to make anyone feel bad about themselves, and I really, truly tried to look at it from her point of view.

    • True, she knew I sat there and chose to single me out twice and make me move. 
    • True, this felt like a calculated move to take me down a peg.
    • True, it felt like she was identifying the competition in the room and trying to neutralize it.
    • True, I was over-analyzing the situation to death.
    • True, I was likely paranoid based on my experiences so far in the figure skating and coaching world.

    I went back and forth in my head, arguing each side of the argument.  Was I being over-dramatic and seeing shadows that weren’t there?  Were my instincts correct, and was this a targeted move on her part?  It is well documented that women are overtly competitive with their peers in their workplaces…. this could be one of those times.

    In the end, I couldn’t dismiss one inescapable fact.

    It was JUST. A. DAMNED. CHAIR.

    So, I wrote her an email.  I apologized if I made her feel bad.  I tried to express the fact that I have always respected older coaches, the battles they have fought, and the experiences they have had, and for this reason, I always tried to not take their places in coaches’ rooms because they had earned the right to those spots.

    In the end, though, I said it was just a chair, and if that was where she felt she needed to sit then I said she could knock herself out, and I would move.

    I even invited her out for a beer, so we could have a good laugh about it.

    Confident that I had diffused the situation, I pressed send.

    The email I got back was no longer sad or hurt.

    SHE. WAS. NOT. HAVING. IT.

    She went UP one side of me and DOWN the other.

    According to her, I was condescending and egotistical, and a few other things I don’t care to repeat. I mean….  how DARE I talk to her like that? Who did I think I was?

    And it went on and on and on.

    I still shake my head when I think about how badly she had misinterpreted the tone of the email and how angry she was.

    I also shake my head at the fact she took absolutely no accountability for her part in ANY of it.

    She was the victim.  I was the aggressor.  In her eyes, it was case closed.

    I had had enough, so I forwarded the entire exchange to the club president.  She sent out an email the next day telling everyone that there were no assigned seats in the coach’s room.

    This, of course, was NOT true.  But the president was a much older lady who, while sweet, was not in the loop when it came to the politics at work within her club.  So, it seemed that every other coach got to keep their chair, and Monica had succeeded in demonstrating her power and co-opting mine.

    Even though I had already conceded the battle, it was clear I had also lost the war.

    Life went on at the club, Monica and I co-existed, I was pleasant, and she was cordial, but it was clear we would NEVER be besties.

    To this day, I still think about that chair.

    I still don’t know if I was right or wrong.  Did I stand up to a woman who saw me as a competitor and was trying to cut me off at the knees?

    Or was I the one disrespecting a new coach and being the antithesis of everything I had hoped to stand for?

    I’ll let you be the judge on this one. 

    Have you ever felt a colleague was trying to stealthily take you down a peg?  Share your experiences in the comments.

  • TO SPEAK UP OR NOT SPEAK UP-That is the Question

    TO SPEAK UP OR NOT SPEAK UP-That is the Question

    Authors note: I wrote this piece in January 2017 after the controversy surrounding the judging of the women’s event at the 2017-2018 US National Figure Skating Championships. In light of Ashley Wagner’s bravery for coming forward with her allegations of sexual abuse, I thought it only appropriate to re-post.

    At the time, I had planned on posting another article in my “Skating Club” series, however, two events had occurred the previous weekend and I course corrected.

    Read on.

    The first, was the women’s event at the US National Figure Skating Championships.  The event was spectacular, and I watched from Starr Andrews’ unbelievable performance through to the last skater, (and gold medalist), Bradie Tennell. From one skater to the next, the momentum kept building, and the ladies did not disappoint.  Ashley Wagner skated loose, and free and with passion; her LaLaLand program was a true thing of beauty and nuance.  Then came Karen Chen, Mirai Nagasu and lastly Bradie.  Each was equally exquisite in their own way, and when the smoke had cleared Ashley Wagner was left off the podium.

    The stink of it was; Ashley Wagner made no secret that she was unhappy with her marks. (surprise, surprise) From the moment she flashed the stink eye in incredulity while viewing her final total in the kiss and cry, to her statement about being “furious” that Tenell was marked higher than her in the components scores, there was NO confusion as to her thoughts on her placement.

    As a national level coach, I spend a large portion of my time teaching my skaters how to not only win with dignity, but also lose gracefully.  We spend hours framing loss as an opportunity for growth, and talking about how to purport ourselves when in the public eye.  True sadness at a loss is understandable and honest, but attacking other skaters and judges, in my humble opinion, seems like sour grapes and the mark of being a sore loser. Or at least, I have always thought so.

    After seeing this behaviour from Ashley Wagner Friday night, and reading more and more quotes on twitter and in the newsfeed Saturday, I was very mixed in my response to her behaviour.

    On the one hand, as a former skater, and now a coach who has been lucky enough to work with competitive athletes, I understand first hand the absolute sacrifice required to make it to the level we see nationally and internationally.  It’s not just a few sleepovers and school dances these skaters give up to get to where they are; they give up their very identity.

    From the time they are too young to write most of them are getting up early and spending hours at the cold rink, falling over and over again, showing courage and fortitude we don’t see in most adults.  As they train, they put up with club politics, coaching changes, constant criticism and financial hardships, often leaving their home and giving up other things most children take for granted because those extra dollars can help to pay for skating.  These kids (and remember, they are kids) have a level of dedication and commitment seen in very few.

    So, when years and years and years of sacrifice, training and sweat end up in a fourth-place finish there is no greater sting.  Fourth place is the worst place to finish; “sooooo close, but not quite good enough” it seems to tell you, as you sit and watch the other three skaters receive their medals.

    I empathize and understand Ashley Wagner’s outburst.  Still, I thought, by speaking out, I had to wonder if it tarnished the moment for the other three skaters, who had sacrificed just as much, and had simply skated better. Surely, they too deserved their moment, free of controversy and dissension. (for the record, I believe that Chen, Nagasu and Tennell beat Wagner fair and square and absolutely deserve their marks and their placement)

    Then I watched the Golden Globes on Sunday night. 

    I have long believed that there is a war on women. It has been waged on us since time immemorial; from the Salem Witch Trials, to the Suffragette Movement, to the #MeToo Rebellion.  I have my own experiences of sexual assault, harassment and discrimination as a young woman in high school, university and in the coaching world to draw from to back up this claim.  But my experiences pale in comparison to the plight of women in countries like Saudi Arabia, who to this day suffer unimaginable human rights violations, simply because of their gender.

    I can not tell you the strength, comfort and hope the MeToo and TimesUp initiative have given me.  Just listening to real women and activists come forward with their stories, sharing what has happened to them, how they felt, and HOW THEY WERE SILENCED elicits the most liberating and empowering feelings.  To know that I’m not alone, that people are ready to hear. 

    That CHANGE is possible.

    And the recurring theme at those Golden Globes on Sunday night? 

    Speaking your truth. 

    SPEAKING UP. 

    Shedding those bonds of silence we are conditioned with as young girls; NOT to tattle, NOT to be loud, or obnoxious, and for God’s sake, don’t make waves!

    So how can I find fault with Ashley Wagner for speaking up for herself when she felt an injustice had occurred?  Rightly or wrongly, she became her own advocate.  Ashley Wagner used her voice, and she used it loudly and proudly.  As is her RIGHT.  Whether or not you or I or anyone else agrees with it.

    Perhaps if more of us spoke up without fear, change would happen faster, and those of us with a uterus wouldn’t have to work twice as hard to earn approximately only two thirds of what a man does for doing the same job. Perhaps if I had spoken up sooner I would be making what I’m worth in my coaching job instead of still living on the brink of poverty.

    Perhaps if we spoke up the next man who feels he is entitled to grab our breast in a crowded bar will think again.

    Perhaps.

    Either way, even though I may not agree with her, I support Ashley Wagner in using her voice to protest.  We should all follow her example, to hell with the consequences.

    When is the last time you spoke up? Share your stories in the comments!

  • A Product Review for the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    A Product Review for the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    Product:  Fitbit Alta HR Monitor

    Price:  $129.29 CDN

    Cheapest Place to Buy:  Amazon.ca

    My Rating:  10/10

    Overview:  I’ve seen the Fitbit monitors around for a couple of years, and finally decided it was time to find out what all the fuss was about.  I’m so glad I did.  I love my Fit bit with all of it’s many features. In the tap of a finger I can see the steps I have completed each day, my heart rate, the calories I have burned, my activity per hour and even the different sleep cycles I had the night before.  As a single mother and busy coach, sometimes we put our needs last when it comes down to taking care of our health and the Fitbit Alta HR Monitor is the perfect antidote to this.  In addition, there is a handy app you can download that gathers and assimilates all the information from your device wirelessly, gives you an incredible amount of information, provides goals and motivation, AND connects you with other users.  What’s not to love?

    Best Feature: This device works because it increases your AWARENESS of your daily habits and gives you the tools and information you need to lead a healthy lifestyle.  If you aren’t moving enough each hour, you will get a gentle reminder from your device to move.  If you reach your step goal for the day, your Fitbit Alta HR celebrates with you.  This device is the best way to condition your behaviour, create healthy habits, and maintain those habits.

    Pros:  As a newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia sufferer, the sleep stages function has been invaluable to me.  As anyone with Fibromyalgia, depression or both knows, there is a direct link between sleep, chronic pain and illness.  Being able to track the hours I sleep, the time spent in wakefulness, light sleep, deep sleep and REM sleep is invaluable to me.  I can greater predict flare ups when I know I’ve had a bad night and very little deep sleep.  And the app takes this data one step further, by giving me a 30-day average for my sleep, as well as comparing my data with the average percentages for my age group.  On top of this, both the device and the corresponding app are incredibly user-friendly and easy to navigate.

    Cons:  Sometimes I don’t like to wear a watch or bracelet, which makes it difficult to track my habits.  I would love to see a version of this device as a necklace or choker. Also, I find sometimes you must tap the screen in J-U-S-T the right way to get it to respond, however, this is not a problem that takes away from my enjoyment of the device.

    Conclusion:  There is a reason this device and corresponding app is so popular.  The Fitbit Alta HR is a great way to monitor your lifestyle and adapt your habits for a healthier you!

  • SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    SUPERS.T.A.R GOAL SETTING: A step by step primer on how to set your goals for figure skating or dance.

    Part One: Setting your Goals

    “Plan the work, and work the plan.”

    The first step on any journey is to know where you are going. 
    Goal setting is the first step on your journey in skating!

    Learn How to Goal Set Like a SuperS.T.A.R.

    S.T.A.R. stands for:

    Specific: You can’t achieve it if you can’t describe it in detail! Break your goal down into manageable chunks, and attack it one chunk at a time.

    Trackable: If you can’t measure it so you can keep track of it you won’t know when you’ve achieved it. Make sure each goal has a quantity attached, or a quality, as well as a time element. These things will  help you track your progress.

    Attainable:  I’d like to play in the NBA.  I’m 5’4” and can’t jump high. I’m also 50 years old. Even if I could quit my job and train 5 days a week to get a great jump shot, I will never grow any taller. 


    My goal of playing in the NBA is NEVER going to happen.  Enough said.

    Realistic: It may be attainable, but are you willing to put in the work and make the sacrifices to make it happen?  THIS is when it gets real.

    As we work through our goal setting process together, I am going to ask you to always come back to these principles. 

    Ask your self constantly, is this goal specific, is it trackable, is it attainable, and is it realistic. If not, adjust your goal to make it so.

    GOAL SETTING IS A SKILL, THE MORE YOU PRACTICE IT, THE BETTER YOU GET!

    SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Strategy

    The first step in any goal setting process is sometimes the scariest.  You have to DARE to dream. Don’t worry about anyone making fun of you.  These are your dreams, and you’re allowed to have them!

    So, when you dream about skating, where do your dreams take you?

    Use the space below to write out some of your dreams when it comes to your skating:

    Now that you’ve dared to dream, you have to do something even harder.  You have to ask yourself some hard questions about your dream.

    ACTIVITY #1: Try using these questions to help you assess if your dream is realistic.
    (Using a blank piece of paper, spend some time thinking of the answers to the questions    , and write them down.

    1. How realistic is this goal?  Check out the internet, google how many people have achieved it. Read about their journey, find out how long it took them and the obstacles they encountered.

    2. Am I really ready to make the changes necessary in my life to achieve this goal?

    3. Am I ready to make sacrifices along the way to achieve this goal?

    4. Am I ready mentally to handle the ups and downs/successes and failures I will encounter along the way as I work toward this goal?

    5. Will I have a good support system around me to help me achieve this goal? This includes, family, friends, coaches and teachers.

    6. Are the necessary facilities and coaching readily available in my area to achieve this goal, or do I have to look elsewhere for them?

    For our next step, take a look at the picture below and insert your DREAM GOAL.

    Now divide your dream goal up into do-able chunks by years to start.  We will use a three year plan here, but anything goes! Take some time and list the things you need to accomplish along the way to get there.

    Year One:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Two:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Year Three:  Steps Necessary to Achieve Your Dream Goal

    Note:  If you need more years to break your dream goal down, use a blank piece of paper or a journal to write down your thoughts.

    We’ve spent all this time thinking about our goals, and breaking them down into yearly steps, or increments.  So far so good!

    Here’s the next step:

    Now that we’ve painted in the larger strokes of our goal setting, it is time to follow our SuperS.T.A.R. guidelines once again and get even more specific.  For this phase, you now need to do your research, chat with your coaches and parents, and find out a whole lot of information.

    ACTIVITY #2: Using the Yearly Planning chart found after these questions, we are going to plan the dates and major events for each season. 

    Things you will need to know, or at least have a rough idea of are:

    · Start and end dates for each season. Make sure to start with the month that your year starts in, if you are competitive and skate/dance year round, this would be May/June  If not, this might be September/October.

    · Major life events, such as holidays, school trips, exams, or anything else that may require some of your time and focus away from skating (these are called INTERVENING VARIABLES) and you need to plan for them whenever possible and adjust your training schedule accordingly.

    · Test Days/Exam Days

    · Competitions—these can be divided into two groups:

    1. TRAINING competitions: where the whole idea is to go and get some feedback.  This means you will not be varying your training overly much to produce what we call a “peak”

    2. QUALIFYING competitions: These competitions are the priority, where you will be adjusting your training leading up to the event in order to help you feel ready and rested so you have every chance to turn in your absolute best performance. Put a star beside these on your Yearly Planning Chart!

    · Choreography, when is the best time for you to start working on new programs?

    · Dates you set aside in order to check your equipment, such as if you need your skates sharpened, or if you need new skates or dance shoes, or a new costume.

    · Dates you set aside to monitor your progress. (More on this a little later)

    These dates will help you as you plan your training for each season, so circle the important ones on the Yearly Planning Chart so you know when they are coming and where they sit in your year.

    Yearly Planning – Important Dates

    Year:   

                            The Importance of Assessment Days    

      

    Before we move on, we need to remember a crucial part of goal setting and planning:  ASSESSMENT DAYS!

    These are the days that you SPECIFICALLY SET ASIDE so you can go back through your week, month, season, or year, and take stock of how you did.

    This is part of what we call SELF-MONITORING – which is the ability for you to look at your strategy, and “tweak it as you go” so you can be more successful.

    Those people who are able to look at their strategies, analyse them, and tweak them are the people who end up seeing the most success and happiness in their careers.

    So, how do we know if we’ve achieved our goals?

    Ask yourself these questions:

    · Did you pass the tests/exams you had wanted to?

    · Did you achieve the performances you wanted to?

    · What about the specific elements in your skating or dancing, did you achieve those in the time frame you wanted to?

    IF YES, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    Did you achieve these things right on time, or WAY ahead of the time frame you allowed yourself? Did you feel a sense of accomplishment with your goals? If you achieved your goals too easily, you might want to make your next set of goals a little more difficult.   

    If you don’t challenge yourself, you limit your ability to grow and really see what you can do!

    IF NO, CONSIDER THESE THINGS:

    WHY didn’t you achieve the goals you wanted to accomplish? What do you need to change in terms of time, effort or strategies in order to complete these goals?

    Use failure to achieve goals as FUEL for the next round, and be more realistic in your next round of goal setting! There are assessment sheets at the back of this module, use them after every season!

    Now that we have our list of important dates, we can move forward with breaking down our first year!

    AGAIN: It’s important to  pick the season where your year starts.  Example, for a competitive skater, the year starts in the spring.  For a recreational skater, your year may start in the summer if you summer skate, or in the fall if you do not.  This is where it’s important to know what you can give and commit  in order to make your dreams come true. We are going to pick YEAR ONE.

    ACTIVITY #3: Using the following template, break into groups, or pairs and help each other fill out ONE TEMPLATE PER SEASON.

    Use this template to write out your goals for each season.  Take your time and really break things down.

    Hint:  It helps to work backwards, if you know you want to be able to land an axel 3/3 attempts by your third skating season, (if you only skate three seasons a year) then by the end of your second season you should be able to land 2/3 axels clean and by the end of the first, you should aim for 1/3 landed.

    SEASON ONE:                    

    Date Begins:                                        # of Weeks:                          

    TEST GOALS:                                                                                                                                                                        

    COMPETITIVE GOALS:

    PROCESS GOALS: (goals you want to achieve as you work every day toward your larger goals)

    JUMP ELEMENTS:

    SPIN ELEMENTS:

    PROGRAMS:

    OTHER:

    EQUIPMENT/COSTUME NEEDS:

    INTERVENING VARIABLES:

    (these are things that may disrupt your training, like exams, vacations, etc, so adjust your goals accordingly)


    As you set out your goals for each season, make sure to revisit your SuperS.T.A.R. goal setting guidelines!

    Now that you have all of your goals for every season planned out, the next step is to use these goals to break down each season into monthly and weekly sections so you can more easily keep track of your progress and you can adjust your training as you go.

    Keep your eyes peeled for the “SuperS.T.A.R. Goal Setting Part Two” blog when it comes out for more information about how to organize your skating or dancing year so you can be the best skater you can be!

    Note:  make sure that at the end of every season you sit down either by yourself, in a group or with your coach and use the assessment sheet template provided below to really see how you’re doing, what’s going really well, and what you can do better. 

    Assessment days are a real opportunity to gain valuable feedback about your training and how you can tweak it to progress faster!

    I hope this blog and the goal setting ideas and exercises help you to better plan your skating or dancing journey, and help you enjoy the ride! Remember, these principles apply to any sport, and can easily be applicable for competitive cheerleading and gymnastics too!

    Do you have any helpful goal setting tips you’ve used for your athletes? If you’re an athlete, what works best for you in terms of goal setting?